One thing that's always been painfully obvious about Armstrongism is how it struts around like the divinely anointed king of the Christian hill, smugly lording its "superiority" over all those poor, deluded, Sunday-keeping heathens who dare call themselves believers. It gets even worse for members—if you're a hapless Church of God member who commits the unforgivable sin of having a doubt or—perish the thought!—asking a perfectly reasonable question, you're immediately excommunicated as a filthy, backsliding traitor, a worthless pile of spiritual garbage utterly unfit to bask in the glory of the One True Faith. That makes you a Laodicean!
That's exactly why "Laodicean" became the ultimate scare-tactic buzzword, swung around like a flaming sword to terrify the sheep into lockstep obedience and keep everyone nicely controlled in their little pen of fear.
Just today (or whenever the Great Bwana deigns to drop his latest revelation), the self-anointed, His Magnificance, the Great Bwana Bob Thiel—dream-certified prophet extraordinaire, apostle, chief overseer, and undisputed Great Bwana, sovereign lord of all legitimate spiritual insight, prophecy, and double-blessed dreams—has bestowed upon us a video featuring one of his devoted acolytes. This loyal minion piously warns the trembling faithful to steer clear of any dreaded Laodicean "characteristics" listed below. Because, clearly, if you're one of those pathetic, lukewarm backsliders who dares to believe any of these so irrelevant notions, you're basically spitting in the face of Bob Thiel's divine appointment. How dare you refuse to bow down and acknowledge him as the infallible fountainhead of all truth? That is literally what this all boils down to. People not acknowledging Bob and his church as correct.
The audacity!
Repent, or face the wrath of the one true end-time overseer!
55 things Laodicean backsliders may believe
(I removed the names of the various COGs he attached ot each accusation below,
and it highlights the complete absurdity of this list.)
Many COG groups do not officially teach and/or do not believe in the idea of Church eras
Many COG groups do not believe that the Gospel of the Kingdom of God still needs to be preached to the world as a witness per Matthew 24:14 , do not really make that a high priority, or do so in less than truly loving the truth, hence do not have the real Philadelphian work. As only the Philadelphians are promised to be protected from the hour of trial that will come on the whole world, they will not understand when Matthew 24:14 is fulfilled or when to flee per Matthew 24:15. Hence they do not have or lead the Philadelphian work. Only the Philadelphians are promised to be protected from the hour of trial that will come on the whole world
At least three groups misunderstand the Gospel and COG doctrines so much that I question if their top leaders are actually converted members of the COG. The leaders of those groups have had major predictions be proven false.
Many, if not most, COG groups do not realize that the Great Tribulation begins with the King of the North invading the USA. UK, and/or their Anglo-Saxon descended allies
Many COG groups misunderstand the identity of the King of the South (Daniel 11:40-43),
Some teach that there is no biblically-required King of the South
Some have insisted that the final King of the South will be from the nation of Ethiopia. This is partially based upon a mistranslation in the KJV version of the Bible as well as a position that the late Herbert Armstrong once held. However, he changed his position in the 1960s and 1970s to an Arabic-Muslim confederation.
Several COG groups clearly misunderstand Daniel 9:27, the second half of which ties in with Daniel 11:31 and Jesus’ words in Matthew 24:15. Those who misunderstand it will not have a proper pre-warning of what is happening nor likely know when the Great Tribulation will begin
Various COG groups have so many areas of undefined prophecy that they will not know what certain events will mean
A couple of groups, have been repeatedly proven wrong about their dates for the start of the Great Tribulation and the return of Jesus Christ. Those who rely on the leaders of those groups really do not understand biblical prophecy.
Certain groups teach improper interpretations of the 1335, 1290, and 1260 days of Daniel 12 or have other problems with that that they will not understand when the Great Tribulation will start.
Most COG groups fail to understand Habakkuk 2:2-8 and hence are not properly getting the warning out to the USA and UK
At least one group (LCG) is no longer certain that France or certain other Israelitish nations will support the Beast power
Many COG groups have various ‘Elijah heresies’
Some think that either there is no Elijah to come
Some independents and some groups insist that the late Herbert W. Armstrong was the final ‘Elijah to come’ despite the fact that he has been dead since 1986, and that death disqualifies him according to his writing about that
Leaders of at least two groups who once insisted publicly that Herbert Armstrong must be the final Elijah, now falsely claim that they hold that role.
At least one group has confused the final Elijah with the return of Jesus
Many groups do not understand the differing persecutions (and other matters) to come in Daniel 7:25, 11:30-39, Matthew 24:9-22, and Revelation 12:14-17, hence when the prophesied wave of persecution initially hits the Philadelphians primarily (and not them), they will not see this persecution as evidence that the Great Tribulation is about to begin.
Most groups that came out of groups once led by the late Garner Ted Armstrong do not seem to teach that there is a physical place of safety (despite what Revelation 12:14-16 teaches), hence they will not be inclined to flee towards one just prior to the start of the Great Tribulation
One CG7 group has the place of safety as the 'sea of glass' and before the Bible says Christians will be there.
Most ‘independents’ do not believe that they need to ‘gather together’ prior to the time to flee despite what Zephaniah 2:1-3 teaches, hence it is not likely they will be inclined to flee together when a group they are not part of does just prior to the start of the Great Tribulation
At least one group misunderstands the final Prince of Rosh. Those who insist on a pre-return of Jesus Christ for the fulfillment of Ezekiel 38 will be disappointed as that is in scriptural error
At least one COG group basically teaches that most of the events of Revelation have already taken place and no one needs to be concerned about coming persecution as none supposedly is coming
At least one COG group erroneously believes that the abomination of desolation of Daniel 11:31 occurs after the King of the North invades the King of the SouthAt least one group totally misunderstands various prophecies in Haggai and Zechariah and have expected a type of COG reunification that is not prophesied. Those who rely on this and other misinterpretations will not know when the Great Tribulation will begin.
At least one group erroneously teaches that the ‘Falling Away’ warned about in 2 Thessalonians 2 has mainly to do with the world and Protestants and not the Church of God
Some groups teach that the man of sin who sits in the temple of God (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4) is the Antichrist/false prophet, not the Beast of the Sea. Yet, it is this Beast of the Sea, the final King of the North (Daniel 11:35-36). So, when this happens, those who hold to the wrong position will not understand its prophetic ramifications. The Beast identity of the ‘son of perdition’ (cf. Revelation 17:7-11) is important to understand in the end times.
At least two groups teach that the ‘man of sin’ is (or could be) Joseph Tkach, Jr.
At least one group has improperly declared Satan will enter a COG leader to make him the man of sin
A few teach that a Jewish temple in Jerusalem must be rebuilt before Jesus returns
At least two groups teach that the Beast power will consist of 10 or 11 current nations in the European Union
Some groups teach that the ten kings are to be in charge of ten regions around the world as opposed to being a primarily European power
None of the Laodicean or Sardis COGs seem to teach that the "strongest fortresses" in Daniel 11:39 refers to the USA--but it does
At least two groups seem to teach that the first verse in the Daniel 11 sequence relating to the beginning of the Great Tribulation is Daniel 11:40
The leader of at least one former group has claimed that the Great Tribulation could begin within a year for the last dozen or so years.
One group (CGF, a PCG split) claimed that the Great Tribulation would begin in 2023--but that was too early
At least one group has publicly claimed that God has no prophets today and will not have any until the two witnesses are empowered.
At least one group teaches that the Beast power is not European.
At least one group teaches that the European Union will collapse like the old Roman Empire.
One group erroneously teaches that Vladimir Putin is the Prince of Rosh of Ezekiel 38
One group taught that Hillary Clinton would be President of the United States by now; whereas one strongly asserted that Donald Trump would remain in office and Joe Biden would not assume office.
One group erroneously taught that half of the Laodiceans would die before April 30, 2021
At least two groups assert that the three angels of Revelation 14 are (or may be) humans, not angels
Two groups have falsely asserted that the restrainer in 2 Thessalonians 2:6-7 was Herbert W. Armstrong.
At least two groups have taught that a US president is the King of the North or could be the Antichrist.
Many groups do not teach much about prophecy
Although one group was told in 2004 that Daniel 11:30 involved the USA having a naval confrontation with Europe, it does not teach it.
Many groups wrongly assert that Benito Mussolini was the sixth king of Revelation 17:10 that "is," but that was too long ago
Nearly all COG groups and independents do not accept that God has been fulfilling prophecies of Acts 2:17-18
Laodicean groups often say the end is near, but do not have a history of explaining when each of the first three seals of Revelation 6 may have been opened, or at least an ante-type of those has been happening.
One group has published, without retraction, that Russia is/may be one of the two legs of Nebuchadnezzar's vision.
One group has published that Ukraine may be the leading nuclear force against Europe. Ukraine, however, has no nuclear weapons
Most groups have no teaching about Iran and Isaiah 22:6-9 or teach wrongly about it, hence this is another area that are lacking knowledge in
Most groups do not teach that Gaza will end up with terrritory that Israel now dominates
