A Flurry of Hymns

 

Conceived in the wake of rebel churches feeling the tyranny of the WCG and wishing to retain their fleet cars, these hymns are finally digitally remastered in all their end-time glory.

Seven: A Psalm for the Uncreated

 

The Plethora of Numbers (Fair Use)

Seven

A Psalm for the Uncreated

By Scout

I have to handle this topic gingerly.  Armstrongism has some odd ideas about numbers.  In particular, the numbers 7, 12, 19 and 40 can arouse glassy-eyed excitement.  I think it started, maybe, with Herbert W. Armstrong’s excursus into pyramidology long ago.  He “discovered” that the Egyptian pyramids were full of numerological significance.  Some of the measurements, he believed, created a timeline for this Age.   Or something like that. I did not research it and never will.  So, if you don’t have a ready Palantir in order to read the future, you can peer into the Great Pyramid. 

Numbers play a significant role in Armstrongist theology.  I have always found the idea that Armstrongists have about the numbers 2 and 3 to be puzzling.  The number 2 to them is an “open” number.  It is susceptible to expansion in some way.  There are 2 members of the God family but the number 2 permits there to be many more.  Whereas the number 3 is a “closed” number.  Then, Armstrongists deduce, the Trinitarian idea of three persons in the Godhead means that the God family cannot be expanded, and becoming God-as-God-is-God cannot happen.  This is meant to be anti-trinitarian and supportive of bitheism.  But 2 and 3 are just numbers.  Go figure. 

This odd religious arithmetic aside, I do believe there is something profound to be learned from numbers. I would like to view numbers from a theological angle in this small essay.  First, let me say that I know that some people are irritated by theology.  To them, theology is a senseless barnacle on the resolute hull of common sense. This view renders them ineducable, but we must try anyway.  Let me hasten to say that I am not a theologian or a philosopher.  I am just a guy with a laptop and some books, including several translations of the Bible. The disputability of my views is undeniable. I don’t teach others so much as learn with them. 

After that self-reflective prologue, I would like to proceed to examine a few theological ideas with some aplomb. These ideas cause a few people some heartburn.  In past articles, I have stated that God is “timeless” and “uncreated.”  For Armstrongists in particular, these are not commonly used terms.  You can search some of the online archives of Armstrongist literature and you will not find these terms.  This suggests that these terms might be illicit in some way.  To some Armstrongists out in Splinterland, these are terms that are bandied about by those blowing theological smoke.   But let me assure you that we all encounter these concepts all the time without mental collapse.  So, let me start this contemplation with the number 7.  It could be any number. 

The Uncreated Number 7

First, the idea of being uncreated.  I believe God is uncreated.  He has always existed.  Nobody made him. He is the uncaused, first cause.  I believe that because he creates reality (not just the Cosmos, a real object, but unqualified existential reality itself), he is absolute.  He himself is existence.  He “donates” existence to all that is created. And his existence is rational.  The term Logos means not only words but reasoned words.  And John tells us that the Logos created all things.  And the eternal Logos was not created (in spite of what the Arianists in the Millerite Movement assert).

One might conclude that being “uncreated” is an odd idea, but that is because we live in a realm where we never create; we only fabricate out of existing materials.  But the number 7 that is commonly and frequently used by all of us is uncreated.  I don’t mean your awareness of 7 is uncreated.  Nor do I mean that at one point there were seven countable objects in the Cosmos, so then the number seven came into existence.  Seven existed even without anything to count.  I mean the pure numerical concept of 7.  It exists without creation.  It had no beginning.  That brings us to timelessness. 

The Timeless Number 7

Further, the number 7 is timeless.  It had no beginning, and it will have no ending.  While it can exist in a succession of moments like we do, it is not contingent on a succession of moments. If the succession suddenly stops, 7 will continue. Verb tenses do not really fit the number 7 (or any number). You can’t say yesterday there was 7, but tomorrow there will be no 7.  While tensed grammar can be expressed, it doesn’t mean anything.  Tenses are superfluous because seven is eternal.  Past, present, and future, the number 7 is always there. 

Numbers and Beings

The term philosophers use to describe the uncreated, timeless features of 7 is “a priori.” It means that 7 exists as a matter of reason rather than creation.  It is not based on experience but is, rather, self-evident.  

Without a doubt, the difference between God, an infinite being, and 7, a simple number, is infinite.  But being uncreated and timeless are a couple of points of similarity between God and 7.  In another way, 7 is like us.  We are finite beings, and 7 has a finite value. 

This next point is harder to explain.  The idea that there is an uncreated great spirit being that created the Cosmos is difficult for the human mind to grasp.  How can God always have been?  Who made him?  The answer, of course, is that nobody made him.  He has always been.  And I admit that this begs the question.  It is just that we are talking outside our usual created-world boundaries.  

The concept of God is a part of the rational existential order just as the concept of the number 7 is.  Anyone who believes that there is an uncaused, first cause is comfortable with this idea.  On the other hand, when atheists argue against the existence of god, they almost always include the proposition that the Universe has always been. They accept the eternity of a non-being and deny eternity as it relates to God.   So, Dawkins and Hitchens use the same arithmetic of eternity that Theists use but the atheist version is less convincing because it pertains to things that we know can, unlike God, undergo entropy.  The rational existential order in which God and the number 7 are reflected makes them both seem intuitive to many people. 

The Last Analysis

Words like “timeless” and “uncreated” are not just pseudo-intellectual jargon.  They are descriptors for something that we use all the time, like the number 7.  The number 7 is timeless and uncreated yet feels natural.  We are comfortable with it.  It does not challenge our belief systems.   To many people, the existence of God feels natural.  This is a part of what some theologians call General Revelation.  I would hasten to add that a “feeling” is not a “proof.”  Providing an incontrovertible proof of his existence for us today does not seem to be God’s critical path.  But the number 7 or any number is a little aperture through which a glimmer of some great and glorious light now passes.  

                        

UCG has just pulled off a truly brilliant and dangerous move

UCG has just pulled off a truly brilliant and dangerous move:

Don’t Be a Spiritual Pack Rat! 

 

Is it just me, or do we all tend to accumulate things? Over time garages and closets fill up. There’s even a name for people like that—pack rats. 

 

Maybe you’ve cleaned out the garage before. You haul out piles of stuff and sort through it all, and when you’re done, somehow a few “selected items” end up right back inside. 

 

Spiritually, that can happen too. God calls us to recognize the junk that can accumulate in our lives—wrong attitudes, bad habits, lingering sins that quietly take up space where they don’t belong (1 Corinthians 5:7). 

 

Passover and the Days of Unleavened Bread remind us that real spiritual growth requires real spiritual housecleaning. That kind of spiritual housecleaning begins with honest self-examination (1 Corinthians 11:28). Getting rid of the trash isn’t easy—but it’s necessary. 

 

So, let’s take the lesson seriously. Let’s be more determined than ever to clear out what is ungodly in our lives and replace it with what truly belongs—God’s truth, His character, and His way of life (2 Corinthians 7:1).
Steve Myers

By solemnly instructing members to purge the “spiritual junk” that’s been cluttering their lives, they’ve unwittingly handed every last one of them the perfect theological crowbar. As Passover season rolls around, members now have official headquarters-approved permission to conduct the mother of all spiritual spring cleanings. And oh boy, what a golden opportunity: 

• Toss every dusty UCG booklet 
• Chuck the entire Herbert W. Armstrong library 
• Bin the nostalgic relics from the “glory days” of the mother church

It’s basically a sanctioned ecclesiastical garage sale. 

“Honey, the ministry said we need to declutter—start with that stack of old Plain Truth magazines and the 1975 in Prophecy reprint, would you?”

This Passover, they can finally do a proper spiritual housecleaning: sweep out the legalism, the endless qualifying works, the endless qualifying “qualifications,” and—just maybe—turn toward the One they keep claiming to follow. Imagine the shocking simplicity of resting in grace that’s already been given, sanctification that’s already been accomplished, righteousness that’s already been imputed… and not having to sweat 613 new checklist items to try to earn what’s freely offered. Who knew “getting rid of the junk” could end up meaning getting rid of the very doctrinal junk drawer they’ve been guarding for decades?

Getting rid of the trash is painful.

It’s uncomfortable.

It might even feel like betrayal at first. But it’s also the only way out of spiritual hoarding disorder.

UCG just gave its people the biblical green light to do the one thing the organization fears most: actually start following Christ instead of following a 20th-century church manual. 

Careful what you preach, folks. 

Sometimes the members listen.

Everyone Is Wrong Except Me

 

Here are the words to the above screenshot (on his original site)

The Archives

THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD- OWNERS IN PERSPECTIVE

NOTE

The above collections, maintained by various people, contain materials, publications, videos, audio, and other productions belonging to the Worldwide Church of God. We consider them like museums, and as curators who have found interest in what this Church has produced since 1934. The Worldwide Church of God reserves all rights to its property. 

We advise CAUTION while viewing their collections, because the curator's views and beliefs are not exactly the same as the Worldwide Church of God. They are NOT owners of the materials, literature, publications and various productions of the Worldwide Church of God. 

Though we share commonality, with interest and passion for the preservation of the things belonging to the Worldwide Church of God, we do not endorse these other groups although they build their collections of this protected work.

To view their collections, click the pictures. 

In Jesus Christ's name, 

Samuel W Kitchen

Worldwide Church of God

Samuel W. Kitchen has just posted an oh-so-gracious disclaimer about other "other" COG sites that are repositories for WCG/HWA literature, books, films, etc. Of course, since this is the Church of God and Samuel is the new Bob Thiel of the church, everyone else is WRONG except for him. Talk about a broken record! Been there, done that about 700 times now.

On his own website, if you dare to click those little images he links to, you'll be magically whisked away to other Church of God-related archives—sites that have been faithfully preserving Worldwide Church of God literature, films, books, sermons, and broadcasts for decades longer than Samuel and his brother Tim ever dreamed of launching their own knockoff versions. These folks were digitizing and safeguarding HWA's materials while young Sammy was probably still in diapers. Yet, somehow they managed without "stealing" anything—unlike certain self-appointed curators who cribbed content from the very WCG and those established four sites to slap together their own "superior" archive.

In a breathtaking display of narcissistic, self-righteous arrogance, Samuel Kitchen solemnly warns us to view these other collections with caution—because, gasp, their views and beliefs aren't exactly aligned with the one true Worldwide Church of God. You know, the one he conveniently "represents" by slapping the name on his personal project, despite having absolutely zero legal, historical, or divine claim to it. The original WCG trademark and rights? Long since transitioned elsewhere, but details, schmetails—Samuel's got the spiritual high ground, apparently.

There's nothing remotely God-ordained about this plagiarism-fueled operation that Samuel and Timothy Kitchen run where they are lifting materials, rebranding the church name as his own private preserve, and then passing the collection plate to gullible "dumb sheep" who might mistake his YouTube sermons and AI-generated hymns for divine restoration. Tithes and offerings to fund... what, exactly? A pipe dream of buying back the Ambassador Auditorium? Please.

It's a guaranteed fact that Samuel will never raise enough money to purchase that Pasadena gem. He's already out there fraudulently presenting himself as a "representative" of the Worldwide Church of God to Harvest Rock Church and the realtors handling the sale—complete with earnest emails and phone numbers—as if a guy in Keosauqua, Iowa, running a shoestring website qualifies as the legitimate successor. News flash: he doesn't represent the Worldwide Church of God any more than Bob Thiel, Dave Pack, or Gerald Flurry do. At least those other gentlemen had the minimal decency to invent their own goofy church names instead of outright swiping the original and pretending it's theirs by divine fiat. How original. How humble.

In the end, Samuel's and Timothy's little crusade is less "preserving the truth" and more a masterclass in Armstrongist irony: the man who cautions against "counterfeits" while running his own unlicensed replica, who warns of doctrinal deviation while deviating into self-promotion and fantasy real-estate schemes. If this is God's chosen remnant in 2026, heaven help us all—because the only thing being recaptured here is yesterday's drama, repackaged with extra sanctimony and zero self-awareness.

Newest Self-Appointed COG Leader Declares A Sanctified Fast

The one, the only, the celestially self-nominated Samuel W. Kitchen—third-generation heir apparent, mantle-inheritor extraordinaire, and proud composer of such timeless bangers as “Now God Knows” and “Supreme”—has once again descended from his YouTube channel heights to grace us with his infallible decree.

This coming Saturday, mark your calendars and empty your refrigerators, because our Supreme Restorer has proclaimed a Glorious Mandatory Global Fast. The holy purpose? To power-wash your grubby, doubt-filled hearts until they gleam like the Ambassador Auditorium he’s currently crowdfunding to repurchase (because nothing screams “God’s one true church restored” quite like begging strangers online to help buy back real estate from the apostates who actually maintained it).

But hold onto your tithing envelopes—this celestial spa day isn’t open to just any lukewarm Laodicean. Oh no. Only the ultra-elect, the certified non-counterfeit remnant who will emerge from this 24-hour starvation sacrament sufficiently purified, set apart, and spiritually swole enough to drag the Worldwide Church of God back to its legendary golden era.You know the one: when the sermons were three hours long, the doctrines never changed (except when they did), the hierarchy was unquestionable, the mail-in checks flowed like manna, corruption wore a three-piece suit and smiled benevolently from the stage, and the brethren joyfully played their starring role as walking ATMs in what future church historians would unanimously label the most extravagantly successful prosperity gospel ever rebranded as “God’s government on earth.”

Truly, what an honor to be summoned back to paradise. Dust off that fasting bucket, silence your critical thoughts, and start drafting that love-offering check made payable to the one true Restorer—who, coincidentally, also happens to be the guy telling you he’s the Restorer.

Because if there’s one thing Herbert Armstrong taught us, it’s that God always chooses the humblest vessels… especially the ones who write songs about their holy righteous family and then email the concert venue asking if he can buy it back.

Passover prep has never felt so gloriously authoritarian. Let the hunger games begin.

LCG: How Dare You Have A Critical Opinion! How Dare You!

 

First, it was matzos that those sinful LCG members fell flat on—literally. Now it's daring to question leaders. Can't you LCG brethren, ever do anything right? (Spoiler: Apparently not, according to Charlotte.)

Here we have another uplifting Sabbath message from Dr. Douglas S. Winnail, dripping with that signature blend of gentle correction and implied spiritual peril. Because nothing says "profitable Sabbath" like being reminded—yet again—that your opinions are probably from Satan, and questioning authority is basically the modern equivalent of Korah's rebellion.Christ’s Mind or Our Opinions?

How many times have you said or heard, “Here is how I see it,” or “Here is what I think,” or—gasp—“Here is how I think it should be done?” All too often, these dangerous, divisive comments are directed at people in leadership positions—even in the Church! (The horror!)

Moses was criticized by men who held different opinions (Numbers 16:1–33). Peter differed with Jesus over a matter and even rebuked Christ (Matthew 16:21–23). In both cases, the people expressing those critical opinions did not recognize the real source of their negative and divisive thoughts and actions. (Hint: It wasn't the Holy Spirit giving them discernment—it was obviously pride, rebellion, or worse.)

Before we start sharing our pesky “different” opinions, we need to remember God’s warning: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways” (Isaiah 55:8). We also need to remember Solomon’s timeless wisdom: “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back” (Proverbs 29:11). (Translation: Shut up and submit—true wisdom looks a lot like silence.)

As true Christians, we need to develop a godly perspective that reflects the mind of Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). Which, conveniently, seems to align perfectly with whatever headquarters has decided this week.

Christ’s Mind or Our Opinions? How many times have you said or heard, “Here is how I see it,” or “Here is what I think,” or “Here is how I think it should be done?” All too often these comments are directed at people in leadership positions—even in the Church. Moses was criticized by men who held different opinions (Numbers 16:1–33). Peter differed with Jesus over a matter and even rebuked Christ (Matthew 16:21–23). In both cases, the people expressing critical opinions did not recognize the real source of their negative and divisive thoughts and actions. Before we start sharing our “different” opinions, we need to remember God’s warning, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways” (Isaiah 55:8). We also need to remember Solomon’s warning, “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back” (Proverbs 29:11). As true Christians, we need to develop a godly perspective that reflects the mind of Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). 

Have a profitable Sabbath, 

Douglas S. Winnail

Translation for the rest of us Laodiceans still clinging to our dangerous "opinions": First headquarters polices your unleavened bread recipe (too fluffy? Too tasty? Too innovative? Straight to the sin bin). Now they're policing your very thoughts. Because nothing fosters unity like constantly reminding members that disagreeing—even politely, even privately—is proof you're not really converted.

At this rate, the next update will warn against breathing too independently, lest it reflect "our ways" instead of God's. After all, why risk members thinking for themselves when you can just quote scripture to keep everyone in line?

Keep those mouths shut, and those minds blank, brethren. Charlotte knows best. Always has. Always will. Or at least that's the official opinion we're allowed to have.

LCG's One True 1960 Hoeh Family Matzo Decree

Are Living Church of God members EVER allowed to do anything right? Inquiring Laodiceans demand to know! (and apparently, the answer is still “No.”)

Week after week—bless their hearts—the boys in Charlotte grace us with yet another lovingly crafted admonishment. Because nothing says “spiritual nourishment” like being reminded that you’ve somehow managed to mess up yet another tiny, insignificant detail of Christian living. God forbid headquarters ever risk uttering a single encouraging word, like “Hey, you’re actually doing pretty well as Christians this week,” or—gasp—“grace is really flowing in your lives right now.” No, no, that would be far too dangerous. We might accidentally start thinking salvation has something to do with Christ’s finished work instead of getting the skirt length just so.

The list of offenses is truly impressive in its microscopic pettiness: bad attitudes (shocking), clothing styles and lengths that are apparently auditioning for the wrong century, the unforgivable sin of questioning a minister (how very Laodicean of you), and of course, the ever-popular crime of… baking unleavened bread incorrectly. Yes, friends, we have now reached peak oversight: policing the precise fluffiness of your Passover matzo.

The latest pearl of pastoral guidance arrives fresh from headquarters, dripping with that special blend of passive-aggressive concern and historical nostalgia:

Unleavened bread is part of the Passover service, but the Bible does not give us a specific recipe to use, stipulating only that it must be unleavened (Exodus 12:8; Matthew 26:26). Historically, the Church has used store-bought plain Matzos or homemade unleavened bread from a simple recipe from Mrs. Isabell Hoeh (wife of Dr. Herman Hoeh) in 1960. This recipe was likely handed down from an even earlier time. Since the breakup of the Worldwide Church of God, we have become a bit loose in what kind of homemade bread is used for the Passover, with some innovations to the historic recipe. Therefore, we have published ingredients and instructions in the Living Church News…

Translation for the spiritually dense among us: “Some of you degenerates have been adding flavor, texture, or—horror of horrors—egg whites. Your bread looked too nice. It rose a suspicious 1/100th of an inch. This cannot stand. We are now reissuing the One True 1960 Hoeh Family Matzo Decree so you stop thinking you’re allowed to be creative during the holiest season of the year. Buy plain Matzos if you can’t be trusted with flour and water. Allergies? We’ll condescend to address those… next week. You’re welcome.”

Because nothing symbolizes putting out sin, sincerity, and truth (1 Cor. 5:6–8) quite like making sure every single unleavened loaf achieves the exact same level of cardboard perfection, Isabell Hoeh intended back when bell-bottoms were still a future abomination.

At this point, one has to wonder: is there anything LCG members can do without headquarters swooping in to explain how they’ve subtly perverted God’s way? Breathe correctly? Smile with the approved level of joy? The bar is apparently set so low that even clearing it earns suspicion.

So keep baking, brethren—and sisters especially, since this seems to be a women’s-issue sin. Just remember: if your unleavened bread looks remotely edible, fluffy, or (heaven forbid) tasty, you’re probably drifting into the terrifying realm of “innovation.” Better to stick with the dusty, joyless original and avoid the wrath of the recipe police.

After all, in Charlotte’s eyes, the most important thing during Passover isn’t remembering Christ’s sacrifice… it’s remembering to follow the correct historical instructions so no one accidentally enjoys their symbolism a little too much. Priorities, people. Priorities.

Greetings from Charlotte,

Unleavened bread is part of the Passover service, but the Bible does not give us a specific recipe to use, stipulating only that it must be unleavened (Exodus 12:8; Matthew 26:26). Historically, the Church has used store-bought plain Matzos or homemade unleavened bread from a simple recipe from Mrs. Isabell Hoeh (wife of Dr. Herman Hoeh) in 1960. This recipe was likely handed down from an even earlier time. Since the breakup of the Worldwide Church of God, we have become a bit loose in what kind of homemade bread is used for the Passover, with some innovations to the historic recipe. Therefore, we have published ingredients and instructions in the Living Church News for unleavened bread to be used at the Passover service. It is the first recipe on page 17 of this year’s March-April issue, and it is labeled “Bread for Passover Service.” You may also purchase plain Matzos. I will address handling allergies for Passover in next week’s update.