The Pull to Return: A Look at Why Some Feel Drawn Back to Armstrongism – And What to Hold Onto as You Decide

The Pull to Return: 

A Look at Why Some Feel Drawn Back to Armstrongism – 

And What to Hold Onto as You Decide

by The Silent Pilgrim

If you’re reading this because you once stepped away from the teachings of Herbert W. Armstrong—or from one of the Church of God groups that carry them forward—and now find yourself feeling pulled back toward that world, please know this first: your heart is not wrong for feeling this way. That deep ache, the sense of something missing, the whisper that maybe you made a mistake leaving—it’s real, and it hurts. You’re not weak, confused, or failing spiritually for experiencing it. Many, many people who have walked this same path have felt exactly what you’re feeling right now. You are not alone, and your longing deserves compassion, not condemnation.

The structure, the certainty, the community, the feeling of being specially chosen by God—these things were powerful. They gave meaning, belonging, and hope in a chaotic world. When they’re gone, the emptiness can feel crushing. Life crises, loneliness, family strains, or even just watching the news and remembering old prophecies can bring everything rushing back. It’s okay to admit that leaving didn’t magically fix everything, and that parts of the old life still call to you.

This article isn’t meant to push you one way or the other. It’s here to sit with you in the tenderness of this moment—to help you name what’s pulling at you, honor how hard this is, and give you space to breathe and think with kindness toward yourself.

Understanding the Deep Pull

Here are some of the most common reasons people describe feeling drawn back, shared quietly in letters, forums, and recovery spaces from those who’ve been there:

• When Life Hurts, the Familiar Feels Like Safety

A serious illness, the end of a marriage, losing a job, grieving a loved one, or just years of feeling adrift can make the old rules and routines feel like a lifeline again. The Sabbath rhythm, the holy days, the clear “what God expects” answers—they once provided structure when everything else felt out of control. In moments of pain, returning to what’s known can feel like the only way to find solid ground. That instinct to seek comfort is deeply human. 

•  The Heartbreaking Loneliness Without That “Family”

Services every week, the Feast of Tabernacles with its long days of fellowship, shared meals, singing, and feeling like you truly belonged somewhere—these created bonds that can feel irreplaceable. After leaving, building new friendships, especially deep ones rooted in shared beliefs, can be exhausting and slow. Some people attend a Feast “just once” to see old friends and find the warmth overwhelming. That pull toward belonging again is not a sign of failure; it’s a sign you’re wired for connection, like all of us.

• The Weight of Fear, Guilt, and “What If” Questions

The teachings about the end times, the “one true church,” the warnings about becoming Laodicean, the idea that leaving puts your salvation at risk—these messages were planted deeply. Even years later, they can resurface during hard times: “What if the Tribulation starts soon? What if I’m not protected?” Guilt over “sins” like eating unclean foods or skipping holy days can gnaw at you. And there’s often that quiet voice asking, “I gave so many years—what if I was wrong to leave?” These fears are not proof the teachings are true; they are echoes of a system designed to make departure feel terrifying. 

• Family Ties and the Pain of Division

The splits in the 1990s and beyond broke countless families apart—parents in one group, children in another, siblings not speaking. If loved ones are still inside and reaching out, or if rejoining would heal rifts or let you be close again, that longing is powerful and understandable. Wanting family harmony is not selfish; it’s natural.

• Nostalgia for Purpose and Identity

Being told you were part of God’s special remnant, with exclusive understanding of prophecy and truth, gave a profound sense of meaning. Mainstream churches can feel foreign or “pagan,” and everyday life can seem empty by comparison. The old identity was strong; losing it can leave a hole that nothing else seems to fill the same way.

These feelings don’t mean you’re spiritually deficient. High-control groups like this are built to meet real human needs so completely that stepping outside them leaves raw, unmet longing. The pull is strong because the system was engineered to be.

Questions to Hold Gently as You Reflect

No one can decide for you, but many who’ve walked this road (some who returned, some who didn’t) have found it helpful to sit quietly with questions like these, without rushing:

• What am I most afraid will happen if I don’t go back?
• What specific hurts or empty places in my life right now feel soothed by the thought of returning?
• Have I given myself permission to grieve what I lost when I left—and to look honestly at both the good and painful parts of that time?
• If fear, guilt, or loneliness weren’t driving this, would I still feel drawn for the same reasons?
• What would a life of peace and freedom look like for me, even if it meant building new community slowly?
• Am I open to exploring whether God’s love and care for me could be bigger than any one group or set of rules?

There’s no “right” answer here—only honest ones that feel true to your heart.

What Some Have Found on Both Paths

For some, returning brings real short-term comfort: renewed routines, familiar faces, restored family ties, a sense of purpose again. That relief is valid and can feel like mercy.

Others, after returning, eventually face familiar struggles—authority issues, prophecy disappointments, financial pressures, or the same controlling dynamics—and find the peace they sought doesn’t last. Cycles of leaving and returning happen because the core emotional needs keep resurfacing.

Many who choose not to return (or who return briefly and leave again) discover, slowly and painfully at first, that healing comes through addressing the wounds directly: finding safe support, rebuilding identity outside the group, experiencing grace without strings, and forming connections based on mutual care rather than shared doctrine alone. It’s not instant, but for many it becomes deeper and more freeing than what they remembered.

You Are Held in This Moment

Wherever you land—whether you step back toward a group, stay where you are while you keep seeking, or move into something entirely new—you deserve gentleness. God, if He is the loving Father the Scriptures describe, sees your struggle, your tears, your questions. He doesn’t demand perfect certainty or instant answers. He invites honest seeking, and He meets us in the mess.

You are allowed to take time. You are allowed to feel conflicted. You are allowed to want both truth and kindness toward yourself.

You don’t have to figure it all out today. Breathe. Be kind to the part of you that’s hurting. Whatever comes next, may it bring you closer to real peace, real love, and real freedom.

You matter. Your heart matters. Take all the time you need.

Afroman’s Wild Ride: From Stoner Anthem to Courtroom Victory Over Police — And Why It Hits Home for “Banned by HWA” Readers

 

If you’re a regular reader here at Banned by HWA, you already know the drill: speak truth about corrupt leaders in the Armstrongist/Church of God world, and get banned, silenced, threatened, or threatened to be sued (Wade Cox) for your trouble. Well, hold onto your purple hymnals — rapper Afroman (real name Joseph Foreman) just lived through a near-perfect mirror of that exact nightmare… and won.

On March 19, 2026, a jury in Adams County, Ohio, delivered a full defense verdict in under a day. Seven sheriff’s deputies who raided his house in 2022 sued him for defamation, invasion of privacy, and emotional distress. Their crime? He turned their own body-cam-style security footage into several savage, hilarious music videos that went mega-viral. The jury said: Nope. This is protected speech. Afroman walked out of court in a stars-and-stripes suit, yelling, “We did it, America! Freedom of speech!” Here’s the full story — and exactly why it matters to every ex-member who’s ever been banned, disfellowshipped, or told to shut up for posting the truth.

Who Is Afroman? Back in 2001, this guy dropped “Because I Got High” — the ultimate stoner anthem that hit #1 in multiple countries, got featured in movies, and made him a household name overnight. Grammy-nominated, independent as hell, and never one to bow to authority. Fast-forward two decades: he’s still making music on his own terms, living in rural Ohio.

August 2022. Adams County Sheriff’s deputies show up with guns drawn on suspicion of drugs and kidnapping. They kick his door in, ransack the place, flip through his cash, paw through his CDs… and find absolutely nothing. No arrests. No charges. Just broken doors, broken gates, disabled security cameras, confiscated over $4,000 in omeny and scared his neighbors.

But here’s the twist that changes everything: Afroman’s home security cameras caught the whole thing. Instead of crying about it, he did what any true artist (or truth-telling blogger) would do.

The Response: Satire as a Weapon

He turned the raw raid footage into two songs:“Lemon Pound Cake” — where a deputy is hilariously caught staring at a cake on the counter while supposedly searching for evidence.

“Will You Help Me Repair My Door” — straight-up mocking the door-kicking and the whole pointless invasion.

 

Millions of views. 

Other videos are crude, over-the-top, and brutally funny, directed at the Sheriffs. He didn’t just complain; he exposed the overreach with humor and evidence. 

Sound like anything we do here? 

The Retaliation: “How Dare You Post That!”

In 2023 the same deputies sued him. Their claim? The videos hurt their reputations, made their jobs harder, and invaded their privacy by using footage of them doing their actual jobs — on his property. They wanted money and to force the videos down. 

During the court proceedings, which is so over the top that you can't draw yourself away from the trainwreck these sheriffs created for themselves. Watching them squirm as they were forced to listen to the videos in court, in front of the jury, was hilarious.

This is the part that should feel eerily familiar to Banned by HWA readers. Replace “sheriff’s deputies” with “COG leaders, ministers, deacons, or church headquarters,” and it’s the same playbook:

Authority figures overstep.

• Someone records and exposes it.
• The powerful try to punish the whistleblower with legal threats or bans instead of fixing their own mess.

The Victory (March 19, 2026)

After a quick three-day trial, the jury said no to every single claim. Not liable on defamation. Not liable on privacy. Not liable on anything. The judge read it out: “In all circumstances, the jury finds in favor of the defendant.”

Afroman didn’t just survive — he turned the raid into a bigger platform, more views, and now a very public win for the First Amendment. The same footage that was supposed to bury him became his shield.

Why This Matters to “What We Say and Post” Here at Banned by HWA

This isn’t just a funny rapper story. It’s a blueprint for every ex-COG member who’s been banned, blocked, or threatened for posting documents, exposing financial waste, calling out abusive leadership, or simply telling their exit story.

Corruption and self-appointed narcissistic COG leaders hate sunlight. Whether it’s a sheriff’s department or a splinter church group, the powerful hate when you use their own actions against them.

Satire and evidence are powerful. Afroman didn’t just rant — he used their footage + humor. We do the same with COG news, leaked letters, financial misappropriation, sexual escapades, and yes, sometimes sarcasm. Oh wait, ALL THE TIME.  It may not be “nice” at times, but it’s effective.

They will try to silence you legally. Lawsuits, cease-and-desists, disfellowshipping, website takedowns — same tactics. Afroman’s win proves that creative, truthful posting (even when it stings) is often protected.
Persecution can become your platform. The deputies thought they’d shut him down. Instead, he got more attention, sold more merch, and now has a fresh “I beat the cops in court” story. Every time someone tries to ban us here, the blog just gets stronger, and the readership grows.

So the next time a church leader threatens you for what you post or say in church,  remember Afroman in his flag suit yelling “Freedom of speech!” Keep recording. Keep writing. Keep posting. The jury of public opinion — and sometimes actual juries — is still out there.
We didn’t start Banned by HWA to be popular with the elites. We started it to tell the truth they wanted buried. Afroman just proved the truth can fight back — and win.
Stay bold, friends. The door they tried to kick in might just be the one that opens wider.

Crackpot Prophet Gaslights Us Again. Adultery Is Bad, Unless It Happens In Africa

Here he is again, our intrepid blog warrior, God's gift to the entire church and the world, bravely mounting his digital soapbox day after day to inform the entire world just how bad, wrong, sinful, and irredeemably stupid everyone else is. It's truly inspiring. The man possesses an almost superhuman ability to spot moral failings from thousands of miles away—except, curiously, when it comes to sweeping the front porch of his own rapidly stagnating ecclesiastical empire. Funny how that works.

Today’s sermon? A classic greatest-hits edition: railing against the immorality plaguing Americans and the rest of the heathen masses. Adultery topped the list, naturally, because nothing says "I'm morally superior" like thumping the Bible extra hard while quoting scripture at people who didn't ask. He lectures, he preens, he radiates that special glow of self-anointed righteousness. We should all be so grateful for this beacon of purity guiding us poor sinners toward the light.

Except… oops. One of his top ministers in Malawi—yes, one of the very men he hand-picked to represent his grand "continuing" vision—stands credibly accused of committing the very adultery Bob was busy condemning from his California throne. Suddenly, those laser-focused moral binoculars develop a severe case of selective blindness. Who could've seen that coming?

Remember Priscilla, the original wife of Radson Mulozowa (along with their children, who apparently had zero qualms about speaking out publicly)? When their shocking story of infidelity and betrayal hit the blogosphere, the response from on high was… crickets, excuses, and a whole lot of "nothing to see here." Priscilla's account paints a rather unflattering picture: her then-husband caught in adultery (gasp!—a massive doctrinal red flag in Armstrongism circles, where that's basically cardinal sin #1). Yet somehow, this same man gets fast-tracked into Bob's ministry, no pesky vetting required.

Adultery Scandal of Continuing Church of God Pastor In Malawi - ExWife Shares

Don't Swallow Bob Thiel's Shallow Stories About Africa

Priscilla herself was the first in the family to join Bob's group and even got ordained as a Deaconess. Meanwhile, hubby Radson, fresh off his SDA-preaching/adultery/fraud combo platter, slides right in as a respected leader. Evans Ochieng (Bob's go-to guy in the region) reportedly assured the good doctor that Radson was a "true Minister of God in good standing." And Bob, ever the discerning shepherd, apparently thought, "Great! Another notch on the growth belt—numbers up, prophecy cred intact, no need to ask follow-up questions."Pride? What pride? This is just humble leadership, folks—adding warm bodies to the roster without bothering to check if they come with baggage the size of a Malawi cargo plane. Why let trifling details like credible accusations of adultery, fraud, and doctrinal hypocrisy slow down the glorious expansion? It's not like Bob's whole brand is built on being the one true remnant who actually obeys God's laws while everyone else wallows in sin.

Radson's wife, Priscilla

John Machemba, a Deacon fired by Evans Ocheing for coming forward with the truth of Radson Mulozowa

Benjamin Radson speaks about his father:

Victor (Radosn's son) speaks:

Favour, daughter of Continuing Church of God pastor Radison Mulczowa talks briefly about her father's affair and what has happened financially to her mother and family.

So here we are: the man who can't stop lecturing the world about immorality has, once again, allowed (or willfully ignored) a walking contradiction in his inner circle. But fear not—Bob will keep posting, keep quoting, keep judging from his place of unassailable privilege. After all, cleaning one's own house is for lesser mortals. Real prophets have blogs to maintain and superiorities to flaunt.

Truly, an inspiration to us all. Keep those tall tales coming, "prophet." The irony is delicious, and we're all just here for the show.

A Flurry of Hymns

 

Conceived in the wake of rebel churches feeling the tyranny of the WCG and wishing to retain their fleet cars, these hymns are finally digitally remastered in all their end-time glory.

Seven: A Psalm for the Uncreated

 

The Plethora of Numbers (Fair Use)

Seven

A Psalm for the Uncreated

By Scout

I have to handle this topic gingerly.  Armstrongism has some odd ideas about numbers.  In particular, the numbers 7, 12, 19 and 40 can arouse glassy-eyed excitement.  I think it started, maybe, with Herbert W. Armstrong’s excursus into pyramidology long ago.  He “discovered” that the Egyptian pyramids were full of numerological significance.  Some of the measurements, he believed, created a timeline for this Age.   Or something like that. I did not research it and never will.  So, if you don’t have a ready Palantir in order to read the future, you can peer into the Great Pyramid. 

Numbers play a significant role in Armstrongist theology.  I have always found the idea that Armstrongists have about the numbers 2 and 3 to be puzzling.  The number 2 to them is an “open” number.  It is susceptible to expansion in some way.  There are 2 members of the God family but the number 2 permits there to be many more.  Whereas the number 3 is a “closed” number.  Then, Armstrongists deduce, the Trinitarian idea of three persons in the Godhead means that the God family cannot be expanded, and becoming God-as-God-is-God cannot happen.  This is meant to be anti-trinitarian and supportive of bitheism.  But 2 and 3 are just numbers.  Go figure. 

This odd religious arithmetic aside, I do believe there is something profound to be learned from numbers. I would like to view numbers from a theological angle in this small essay.  First, let me say that I know that some people are irritated by theology.  To them, theology is a senseless barnacle on the resolute hull of common sense. This view renders them ineducable, but we must try anyway.  Let me hasten to say that I am not a theologian or a philosopher.  I am just a guy with a laptop and some books, including several translations of the Bible. The disputability of my views is undeniable. I don’t teach others so much as learn with them. 

After that self-reflective prologue, I would like to proceed to examine a few theological ideas with some aplomb. These ideas cause a few people some heartburn.  In past articles, I have stated that God is “timeless” and “uncreated.”  For Armstrongists in particular, these are not commonly used terms.  You can search some of the online archives of Armstrongist literature and you will not find these terms.  This suggests that these terms might be illicit in some way.  To some Armstrongists out in Splinterland, these are terms that are bandied about by those blowing theological smoke.   But let me assure you that we all encounter these concepts all the time without mental collapse.  So, let me start this contemplation with the number 7.  It could be any number. 

The Uncreated Number 7

First, the idea of being uncreated.  I believe God is uncreated.  He has always existed.  Nobody made him. He is the uncaused, first cause.  I believe that because he creates reality (not just the Cosmos, a real object, but unqualified existential reality itself), he is absolute.  He himself is existence.  He “donates” existence to all that is created. And his existence is rational.  The term Logos means not only words but reasoned words.  And John tells us that the Logos created all things.  And the eternal Logos was not created (in spite of what the Arianists in the Millerite Movement assert).

One might conclude that being “uncreated” is an odd idea, but that is because we live in a realm where we never create; we only fabricate out of existing materials.  But the number 7 that is commonly and frequently used by all of us is uncreated.  I don’t mean your awareness of 7 is uncreated.  Nor do I mean that at one point there were seven countable objects in the Cosmos, so then the number seven came into existence.  Seven existed even without anything to count.  I mean the pure numerical concept of 7.  It exists without creation.  It had no beginning.  That brings us to timelessness. 

The Timeless Number 7

Further, the number 7 is timeless.  It had no beginning, and it will have no ending.  While it can exist in a succession of moments like we do, it is not contingent on a succession of moments. If the succession suddenly stops, 7 will continue. Verb tenses do not really fit the number 7 (or any number). You can’t say yesterday there was 7, but tomorrow there will be no 7.  While tensed grammar can be expressed, it doesn’t mean anything.  Tenses are superfluous because seven is eternal.  Past, present, and future, the number 7 is always there. 

Numbers and Beings

The term philosophers use to describe the uncreated, timeless features of 7 is “a priori.” It means that 7 exists as a matter of reason rather than creation.  It is not based on experience but is, rather, self-evident.  

Without a doubt, the difference between God, an infinite being, and 7, a simple number, is infinite.  But being uncreated and timeless are a couple of points of similarity between God and 7.  In another way, 7 is like us.  We are finite beings, and 7 has a finite value. 

This next point is harder to explain.  The idea that there is an uncreated great spirit being that created the Cosmos is difficult for the human mind to grasp.  How can God always have been?  Who made him?  The answer, of course, is that nobody made him.  He has always been.  And I admit that this begs the question.  It is just that we are talking outside our usual created-world boundaries.  

The concept of God is a part of the rational existential order just as the concept of the number 7 is.  Anyone who believes that there is an uncaused, first cause is comfortable with this idea.  On the other hand, when atheists argue against the existence of god, they almost always include the proposition that the Universe has always been. They accept the eternity of a non-being and deny eternity as it relates to God.   So, Dawkins and Hitchens use the same arithmetic of eternity that Theists use but the atheist version is less convincing because it pertains to things that we know can, unlike God, undergo entropy.  The rational existential order in which God and the number 7 are reflected makes them both seem intuitive to many people. 

The Last Analysis

Words like “timeless” and “uncreated” are not just pseudo-intellectual jargon.  They are descriptors for something that we use all the time, like the number 7.  The number 7 is timeless and uncreated yet feels natural.  We are comfortable with it.  It does not challenge our belief systems.   To many people, the existence of God feels natural.  This is a part of what some theologians call General Revelation.  I would hasten to add that a “feeling” is not a “proof.”  Providing an incontrovertible proof of his existence for us today does not seem to be God’s critical path.  But the number 7 or any number is a little aperture through which a glimmer of some great and glorious light now passes.  

                        

UCG has just pulled off a truly brilliant and dangerous move

UCG has just pulled off a truly brilliant and dangerous move:

Don’t Be a Spiritual Pack Rat! 

 

Is it just me, or do we all tend to accumulate things? Over time garages and closets fill up. There’s even a name for people like that—pack rats. 

 

Maybe you’ve cleaned out the garage before. You haul out piles of stuff and sort through it all, and when you’re done, somehow a few “selected items” end up right back inside. 

 

Spiritually, that can happen too. God calls us to recognize the junk that can accumulate in our lives—wrong attitudes, bad habits, lingering sins that quietly take up space where they don’t belong (1 Corinthians 5:7). 

 

Passover and the Days of Unleavened Bread remind us that real spiritual growth requires real spiritual housecleaning. That kind of spiritual housecleaning begins with honest self-examination (1 Corinthians 11:28). Getting rid of the trash isn’t easy—but it’s necessary. 

 

So, let’s take the lesson seriously. Let’s be more determined than ever to clear out what is ungodly in our lives and replace it with what truly belongs—God’s truth, His character, and His way of life (2 Corinthians 7:1).
Steve Myers

By solemnly instructing members to purge the “spiritual junk” that’s been cluttering their lives, they’ve unwittingly handed every last one of them the perfect theological crowbar. As Passover season rolls around, members now have official headquarters-approved permission to conduct the mother of all spiritual spring cleanings. And oh boy, what a golden opportunity: 

• Toss every dusty UCG booklet 
• Chuck the entire Herbert W. Armstrong library 
• Bin the nostalgic relics from the “glory days” of the mother church

It’s basically a sanctioned ecclesiastical garage sale. 

“Honey, the ministry said we need to declutter—start with that stack of old Plain Truth magazines and the 1975 in Prophecy reprint, would you?”

This Passover, they can finally do a proper spiritual housecleaning: sweep out the legalism, the endless qualifying works, the endless qualifying “qualifications,” and—just maybe—turn toward the One they keep claiming to follow. Imagine the shocking simplicity of resting in grace that’s already been given, sanctification that’s already been accomplished, righteousness that’s already been imputed… and not having to sweat 613 new checklist items to try to earn what’s freely offered. Who knew “getting rid of the junk” could end up meaning getting rid of the very doctrinal junk drawer they’ve been guarding for decades?

Getting rid of the trash is painful.

It’s uncomfortable.

It might even feel like betrayal at first. But it’s also the only way out of spiritual hoarding disorder.

UCG just gave its people the biblical green light to do the one thing the organization fears most: actually start following Christ instead of following a 20th-century church manual. 

Careful what you preach, folks. 

Sometimes the members listen.

Everyone Is Wrong Except Me

 

Here are the words to the above screenshot (on his original site)

The Archives

THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD- OWNERS IN PERSPECTIVE

NOTE

The above collections, maintained by various people, contain materials, publications, videos, audio, and other productions belonging to the Worldwide Church of God. We consider them like museums, and as curators who have found interest in what this Church has produced since 1934. The Worldwide Church of God reserves all rights to its property. 

We advise CAUTION while viewing their collections, because the curator's views and beliefs are not exactly the same as the Worldwide Church of God. They are NOT owners of the materials, literature, publications and various productions of the Worldwide Church of God. 

Though we share commonality, with interest and passion for the preservation of the things belonging to the Worldwide Church of God, we do not endorse these other groups although they build their collections of this protected work.

To view their collections, click the pictures. 

In Jesus Christ's name, 

Samuel W Kitchen

Worldwide Church of God

Samuel W. Kitchen has just posted an oh-so-gracious disclaimer about other "other" COG sites that are repositories for WCG/HWA literature, books, films, etc. Of course, since this is the Church of God and Samuel is the new Bob Thiel of the church, everyone else is WRONG except for him. Talk about a broken record! Been there, done that about 700 times now.

On his own website, if you dare to click those little images he links to, you'll be magically whisked away to other Church of God-related archives—sites that have been faithfully preserving Worldwide Church of God literature, films, books, sermons, and broadcasts for decades longer than Samuel and his brother Tim ever dreamed of launching their own knockoff versions. These folks were digitizing and safeguarding HWA's materials while young Sammy was probably still in diapers. Yet, somehow they managed without "stealing" anything—unlike certain self-appointed curators who cribbed content from the very WCG and those established four sites to slap together their own "superior" archive.

In a breathtaking display of narcissistic, self-righteous arrogance, Samuel Kitchen solemnly warns us to view these other collections with caution—because, gasp, their views and beliefs aren't exactly aligned with the one true Worldwide Church of God. You know, the one he conveniently "represents" by slapping the name on his personal project, despite having absolutely zero legal, historical, or divine claim to it. The original WCG trademark and rights? Long since transitioned elsewhere, but details, schmetails—Samuel's got the spiritual high ground, apparently.

There's nothing remotely God-ordained about this plagiarism-fueled operation that Samuel and Timothy Kitchen run where they are lifting materials, rebranding the church name as his own private preserve, and then passing the collection plate to gullible "dumb sheep" who might mistake his YouTube sermons and AI-generated hymns for divine restoration. Tithes and offerings to fund... what, exactly? A pipe dream of buying back the Ambassador Auditorium? Please.

It's a guaranteed fact that Samuel will never raise enough money to purchase that Pasadena gem. He's already out there fraudulently presenting himself as a "representative" of the Worldwide Church of God to Harvest Rock Church and the realtors handling the sale—complete with earnest emails and phone numbers—as if a guy in Keosauqua, Iowa, running a shoestring website qualifies as the legitimate successor. News flash: he doesn't represent the Worldwide Church of God any more than Bob Thiel, Dave Pack, or Gerald Flurry do. At least those other gentlemen had the minimal decency to invent their own goofy church names instead of outright swiping the original and pretending it's theirs by divine fiat. How original. How humble.

In the end, Samuel's and Timothy's little crusade is less "preserving the truth" and more a masterclass in Armstrongist irony: the man who cautions against "counterfeits" while running his own unlicensed replica, who warns of doctrinal deviation while deviating into self-promotion and fantasy real-estate schemes. If this is God's chosen remnant in 2026, heaven help us all—because the only thing being recaptured here is yesterday's drama, repackaged with extra sanctimony and zero self-awareness.