Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Dennis On: "And Yes Brethren...I am that..."





"And Yes Brethren...I am that..."
 
Dennis Diehl - EzineArticles Expert AuthorDear Brethren,
 
Yesterday, Apostle Ron Weinland, with some nervous tension, announced that , "yes brethren, I am the third type of the Elijah to come."  That was the last straw for me.
 
I have had to endure Gerald Flurry declaring himself "that Prophet," and David C Pack, "And yes brethren, I am that Apostle."  Now I have to put up with Apostle Ronald Weinland declaring he is the third type of an Elijah to come.  He also made it clear he was the final one.  I guess Elijahs come in threes.  I assure you they do not.
 
I'm going to be honest about this.  I want a title.  My writings have brought me some derision where one called me "The High Priest of Marduk."  Now don't get me wrong.  I haven't had a title in a very long time and being the High Priest of Marduk is not bad considering he was the chief Deity over Babylon and lived at the top of a Ziggurat in Bagdad.  But it is not enough for me. 
 
Ron Weinland started his humble climb to stardom with being content at being an Apostle. Then he switched to one of the Two Witnesses with his wife being Witness Number Two.  To date, these witnesses have not wielded much power and have not impressed anyone with the word of their mouths, but there may be time.  Now Ron is declaring himself the Third Elijah Type to Come.  Great!  All the good titles are fast being consumed by the faithful ministry in him.  Ron may, however, fall back to Mr. or just plain Ron sometime in 2012.
 
Far as I know, Joe Tkach still goes by "Mr." so I congratulate him for at least not becoming the Arch Angel Michael.
 
Dave began as "The Watcher," progressed (in his fine mind) to "and yes brethren, i am an Apostle,' to darn near Prophet status or something of late.  I think he is basically out of titles and Ron has usurped the last legitimate one from him.  Nice work Ron!!  I suppose Dave could give a four hour sermon on "and yes brethren, i am the Fourth Type of the Elijah to Come," but it doesn't have a good ring to it.
 
The only titles I find not used yet are, "Man of sin,"  "false prophet,"  "who say they are apostles and are not," "Messiah,"  "scoffers,"  "King of Kings and Lord of Lords," and "Family guy..."  
 
Therefore, and I am going to forgo the four hour sermon proving this and simply say, I am Jesus, no wait, I am God, and let me see you beat that one!
 
As Supreme God I command you, Ron Weinland, to step down as both Witness and Elijal type.  I fire you.  I did not call you to that and  you have been fibbing to the brethren. If I had appointed you that, I am quite sure I would have remembered doing so. You're fired.
 
This goes for you too David C Pack.  You were never a Watcher and certainly never an Apostle. Or if you were, you were in your own mind and like Paul, announced it yourself 22 times out of the 24 times Paul called himself one in the NT.  Seems no one else is familiar with your grand titles.
 
As for you Gerald,  you are not this or that or another prophet.  You made that all up and I have not appointed you. Again, I would have remembered that, and frankly I don't.
 
Now a word to you brethren who sit there comatose and unable to speak up with that niggly voice in your head that tells you, 'what!  That's a bunch of shit if I ever heard it."   Wake up brethren.  These men are fooling you and themselves.  They are self appointed, somewhat mentally unstable and while MAYBE sincere, not in touch with me on these things.  I know who I assign callings to, and none of these guys are on the list.  I am a bit disappointed at your lack of critical thinking, but it is what it is.  Save yourself however and question these guys and pay attention to your doubts.
 
Frankly, ALL the prophecies of my son, Jesus' return were for 2000 years ago.  I know what "shortly" means and "the time is hand" is all about.  It was not code.  I goofed.  I sincerely thought the night was far spent and the time was at hand.  Shortly means shortly and was not code for longly.  I simply made a mistake.  Or if not a mistake, did not mean the return would be as you have thought.  I think I meant the Jewish faith would pass the baton to the Christian one. The Fall of Jerusalem in 70 AD was kinda what i meant.  Wasn't thinking much past that and if you think 2000 years later is a good definition of "shortly", well I can't help you.
 
At any rate, as God, I have to negate all your titles as invalid and not of my choosing.  I know that's a toughy for you, but trust me, you'll thank me. 
 
Ok, well that's about it from HQ here.  Nice Auditorium for me there Gerald, but I don't like living in Oklahoma so won't be visiting there often if at all.  Dave, are you nuts?  Winter in Ohio is brutal.  I am a Middle Eastern kind of God so won't be living in your House for God anytime soon.  Ron, well what can I say. "When I was in prison, you visited me," may be the best I can do.  I wish you well.
 
That's about it .  Being God is not what it's cracked up to be.  You get credited with things you did not do or cause and you get the blame for things you had nothing to do with.  It's a tough job, but I had to adopt a title you could not out do.  Having done so...I return the reader to the channel they were watching, and myself to just being me.
 
Amen
 
Dennis C. Diehl
DenniscDiehl@aol.com
 

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dennis, I hate to say it, but it's been done: Herbert Armstrong was God as God is God. That being the case, I guess, since Herbert Armstrong is dead, you could say God is dead, but most people just don't get it!

If you were God for 20 minutes, you certainly made good use of the time, but, you know, you could have mentioned humility, though I think with these yahoos, it would be a lost cause because they don't understand such concepts.

The only thing lacking is to point out to them, rather forcefully, that they have the wrong gospel -- something Jesus never taught: The gospel of the Kingdom of God. The gospel is and always has been about redemption. The problem here is that these buckos probably still think they are on the right track because you didn't reveal to them the true gospel message.

Not to worry, though: They've gotten so much else wrong, that you would have come off to them as speaking in an extraterrestrial alien language, although just about anyone who can read and write (besides the Armstrongists) can really comprehend such a simple message.

See -- the Armstrongists can't even get the concept of "Thou shalt not steal" and if they can't get something that simple, it's clear that they won't understand something so easy like, "Thou shalt not bear false witness", let alone the very complex and sophisticated commandment about idolatry: Thou shalt not covet. They never have gotten that and they never will.

In fact, you might want to go and hide like Elijah did, now that you have verbally slain the 450 Armstrongist prophets of Baal. They probably don't understand "Thou shalt not kill", and to tell you the truth, you may have put us all at risk, even if what you said was 100% true.

VonHowitzer said...

Awww, hell, Dennis! You need a title.

How about "Genuine Human"? Says you're just an ordinary guy that knows some things, and not all - wants some things, but not all - is right about some things, but not all.

One thing I do know - none of those apostles, witnesses, presiding presiders, Elijahs, or falling down drunks are "genuine". By comparison it's a damn good compliment.

DennisCDiehl said...

Hi Von...ahem...It's MR. Dennis to you! har har. Reminds me of the WCG switch over to calling ministers, Pastor Bob or Pastor Dennis. Ugh! Dennis would have been just fine. And...when you think about it, that's a name someone else gave me, so just who am I????? ha.

I have found that people who lean on the power of a title are generally insecure in themselves. I made a big mistake once in Manchester Kentucky at a party where a guy introduced himself proudly as the mayor of Manchester. (You get easily killed in Manchester and was where I had a deer rifle put to my head by a very angry woman who was just sure I was not going to baptize her husband!) Anyway, it came out, "never heard of you," before I could stop it. oops...ha.

The mayor of Somerset Ky once "bought" 5 cases of oranges from church. I went to collect and he hemmed and hawed around sending the message that I was expected to let it go and give them to him. I stood there until he paid...oops..ha.

I do believe Apostle Paul's great statement..."who they are makes no difference to me..." Great scripture. Or as my family member told Dave Pack when Dave expressed his disapproval of him being ordained a deacon after Dave left the area, "Well Dave, if I didn't believe you had shit for brains, I'd care what you thought." Priceless!!!

If you wish to make Mr. David C Pack upset, just call him Dave.

It's all quite silly

Should I be telling these family stories?????

Anonymous said...

"Ron may, however, fall back to Mr. or just plain Ron sometime in 2012."

Or he may descend to the title of "bitch boy."

Anonymous said...

One thing I do know - none of those apostles, witnesses, presiding presiders, Elijahs, or falling down drunks are "genuine".

Nonsense.

Most of them are genuine falling down drunks.

Byker Bob said...

Well, let's see how these titles fly with the IRS. Seems like Weinerdude gets to be the first to put that one to the test.

BB

Byker Bob said...

Hey! Let's have some fun with this! Remember Shirley Ellis's smash hit "The Name Game"?

Apostle postle bo bostle bananna fanna fo fossil, fee fi mo mostle!
Apostle!

Watcher watcher bo botcher bananna fanna fo fotcher, fee fi mo motcher! Watcher!

Elijah lijah bo bijah, bananna fanna fo fijah, fee fi mo mijah!Elijah!

If we had a karaoke recording of this song, sans vocals, we could probably have at least five minutes worth of fun with the ACOG usurpment titles alone!

BB

Anonymous said...

Maybe, Weinalnd will explain all this to the court at his upcoming trial, demonstrating he's not running a scam charitable organzation; perfect venue to get his ministry rolling.

VonHowitzer said...

Ah, I'll go with Sir Dennis if you don't mind. I left all that Mister stuff behind, and I'm not eager to re-engage. No disrespect meant to you, please understand.

Speaking of titles, in many countries I'd be called Architect VonHowitzer, just as MD's are called Doctor Smith here. Howsomever, in this country not only do I not get the honorific, I find that "my" title has been stolen, absconded, misused, and corrupted by a pack of computer geeks.

Ironically, these selfsame geeks can call themselves "architects" without shame or penalty, yet if I - possessor of an architectural education, had called myself an architect prior to passing the requisite exams (and paying the requisite fee) I could be brought up on charges of "holding oneself out" and fined vast sums of money.

I guess the geeks get away with it since they are all a bunch of Art Van Delays and everybody knows it.

And that's the thing about overblown titles - everybody pretty soon figures out what the truth is: some even have it presented forcefully to them as your family member did.

PS: I still like the story of the man who didn't have his local pastor approve his car purchase. When the pastor asked him about it, he was told that anyone driving a Chrysler didn't know much about cars anyways.

Sometimes the truth is a good kick in the ass, as all the presiding packed beer battered weiner dudes will discover.

DennisCDiehl said...

BB Now you have given the COG Guru's an idea for more names! Nice going..ha.

If the first two letters are ever the same........ :)

Mike (Don't Drink the Flavor Aid) said...

Actually, "Man of Sin" is taken. Weinland has applied it to Joe Sr.

On further examination, I think it applies to Ronnie himself. And on further reflection, a few other CoG leaders as well.