Who could have ever imagined that Dave Pack was going to be wrong again? I mean, with his flawless, god-like streak of prophetic perfection that's dazzled the world for... oh, wait, zero times ever? Utterly earth-shattering, paradigm-shifting shockwaves here, folks—hold onto your Bibles!
How many of his super-duper, ultra-gullible followers will sit there all through the Feast, wallowing in yet another soul-crushing disappointment that their all-knowing, never-failing guru has "oopsie-daisied" another whopper of a lie straight to their faces? Yet, none of them will ever summon the tiniest shred of so-called "faith" to abandon Dave's magnificent mountain of steaming, gold-plated nonsense and finally escape the clown car. Bless their eternally devoted, blindly adoring little souls—may they never wake up from this dream!
Self-appointed Church of God "prophets" are all batting a mind-bogglingly impressive 0% right now in prophetic accuracy. But hey, who's keeping score in this league of legendary losers? Certainly not these spiritual superstars, who wouldn't know a hit if it smacked them with a divine lightning bolt!
How many more times—nay, how many infinite, universe-spanning eternities—does this demonic shepherd need to cry wolf before his flock realizes the wolf isn't coming... because it's been Dave in a wolf costume all along, laughing maniacally in the mirror?
He has been widely criticized—oh, the horror, the injustice!—as a false prophet based on those annoyingly nitpicky biblical criteria and his absolutely legendary track record of unfulfilled predictions that could fill a library of epic fails. According to Deuteronomy 18:22, a prophet who speaks in God's name but whose words do not come to pass is considered false. Who knew the Good Book was so unforgivingly basic? Poor Dave, victim of such unreasonable standards!
Pack's predictions often claim to be tied to Hebrew calendar dates, biblical feasts, or current events, but they consistently fail and get revised. Some specific instances include:
Pack's predictions often claim to be tied to Hebrew calendar dates, biblical feasts, or current events, but they consistently fail and get revised. Some specific instances include:
2020-2021: Predicted Joe Biden would "never serve a day in office" (December 26, 2020), and claimed Christ would enter RCG's building undetected (March 31, 2020).
2022: Multiple dates like Tammuz 1, Av 10 (August 7), Elul 1, Tishrei 1 (September 23, Feast of Trumpets), and Cheshvan 1.
2023: Dates such as Tevet 21 (January 14), March 6, April 1, May 5, June 18, July 1, September 29 (Feast of Tabernacles), and December 22. He declared doubting 2023 as the year was "practically a faithless attack on God’s word" (September 9, 2023).
2024: Predictions for April 8/9 (Abib 1), June 16 (Pentecost), July 7 (Tammuz 1), October 3 (Tishrei 1, Feast of Trumpets), and December 16 (Kislev 16).
2025: Dates like January 29 (Shevat 1), March 29 (Abib 1), June 1 (Pentecost), July 1 (Tammuz 5), and September 23 (Tishrei 1, Feast of Trumpets). As recently as July 19, 2025, his ongoing pattern of setting Monday deadlines that fail.
Oh, sure, Pack has occasionally played the humble card by denying he's a prophet at all—like that gem on June 7, 2025, where he proclaimed, "I’ve never claimed to be a prophet," as if we all forgot his endless stream of "divine" proclamations. Or that hilarious vow back on April 27, 2019, swearing he'd never set another date again... right before he kept right on doing it, because why stop the fun when the failures are piling up so spectacularly? And when those oh-so-reliable prophecies inevitably flop like a lead balloon, he trots out the most creative excuses imaginable: God apparently lets errors slide just to "test faith," or the whole mess was a clever "ruse by God" to bamboozle the doubters. How convenient—blame the Almighty for your own epic blunders!
Dave, ever the modest soul, positions himself as the undisputed king of prophetic wisdom, humbly claiming titles like "Apostle" or the biblical "Elijah" who's single-handedly restoring all truth before Christ bothers to show up. Because, you know, no one else in history could possibly measure up to his genius. His sermons are chock-full of these modest highlights:"
I’ve studied prophecy, I know this, like no man who’s ever lived" (November 28, 2015)—wow, move over, Moses; Dave's got this covered!
"There’s no way we’ve got this wrong" (March 15, 2023)—famous last words from the guy who's been wrong more times than a broken clock.
Claims of personal immortality: "So, I know I don’t die. A couple places say that" (April 27, 2024)—immortal, you say? Must be why his predictions keep dying instead.
In the end, isn't it just heartwarmingly inspiring how David C. Pack keeps the prophetic dream alive—one spectacular face-plant at a time? With a track record that could make even Nostradamus blush in envy (for all the wrong reasons), and excuses so divinely creative they'd make God Himself chuckle, Dave stands as the ultimate beacon of unwavering "faith" in the face of endless, hilarious failure. Here's to the next 82 botched predictions; after all, who needs accuracy when you've got an immortal ego and a flock too devoted to notice the wolf in shepherd's clothing? Keep shining, you false prophetic superstar—you're batting zero, but hey, at least you're consistent!"God, quite literally, could not tell us or He would make Himself a liar" (January 9, 2016), or casually describing God as willing to "slaughter babies and behead them" (October 12, 2023)—because nothing says "loving deity" like turning the divine into a horror movie villain to prop up your failing shtick.
1 comment:
"Lucy" Pack, and his prophecy football! The RCG is symbolized by Charlie Brown, falling flat on his back, fooled into trusting again and again!
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