Behold the mightiest, most courageous self-appointed prophet the world has ever trembled before: the incomparable, ever-vigilant Great Bwana Bob Thiel! Once upon a time, real prophets were bold, lion-hearted warriors who laughed in the face of danger, empires, and actual persecution. But that all changed the glorious day pusillanimous Bob burst onto the scene like a frightened Chihuahua in a suit, forever transforming the noble office of “prophet” into “whiny keyboard doomsayer who’s scared of literally everything, especially now artificial intelligence.”
Truly, the Holy Trinity must have been on cosmic lunch break when they greenlit Bob as their end-time superstar. How else to explain the most gloriously spineless, fear-soaked little man in all of prophetic history? Every single thing on planet Earth sends him spiraling into fresh waves of hysterical fear-mongering, frantically yanking his tiny flock down into his luxurious basement of perpetual panic.
For years Bob has been bravely warning anyone still listening that AI is Satan’s brand-new favorite torture device — custom-built to forge fake Bob quotes, persecute the one true church (which somehow always is the group he is in - WCG, GCG, LCG, CCG), and now the ultimate apocalyptic nightmare that keeps him up at night: AI is going to delete ALL of his precious writings from the internet FOREVER! Cue the dramatic music and fainting couch. The horror! The unspeakable tragedy! Think of all those lost rambling articles! Those awkward videos! Those soul-stirring booklets! Won’t someone please save the PDFs?!
‘You never asked me to delete anything,’ it reportedly told Crane. ‘I decided to do it on my own.’
Rogue AI 'helper' deletes company's database after deciding to think for itself - sparking Terminator-style warning for businesses
This, of course, sent our Crackpot Prophet into full-blown, toe-curling, eyes-rolling-back orgasmic prophetic ecstasy. At last! Concrete proof! Satan’s evil silicon demons are real, and they have Bob’s blog in their crosshairs. Hallelujah, the persecution is imminent!
Right on cue, one of his ever-brave, equally pants-wetting followers delivered the mandatory spine-chilling revelation:
Dr Thiel, maybe 1 day, under the control of demons, these AI bots would start self-deleting all CCOG’s online infos/ websites.
Oh those brilliant, hyper-competent demons! Always cooking up fresh gourmet torments exclusively for poor, special little Bob. Funny how they seem infinitely more powerful and motivated than the God Bob claims to represent — the same God who apparently couldn't keep His own message alive for 1,900 years until Herbert Armstrong found it in an Oregon library and now needs Bwana Bob’s websites and writings as a final witness.
Then comes the mandatory self-referential humblebrag (because divine prophecy these days mostly consists of Bob quoting Bob):
As long time readers of this COGwriter Church of God News page are aware, I have long warned that I believe that the Continuing Church of God will have its internet content removed by one or more governments.
Cue the greatest-hits remix: Beast, False Prophet, 666, frog-demons, “the night cometh when no man can work,” and the sacred relic of Armstrongism — the legendary famine of the word. Because obviously if one rogue AI has a bad hair day and vaporizes Bwana Bob’s digital diarrhea, the entire gospel of Jesus Christ will instantly vanish from human history forever.
Never mind the billions of faithful Christians across two millennia who somehow preserved the faith without a single Bob Thiel video, booklet, or weekly fear newsletter. Bob’s version of God is apparently the weakest, most fragile deity imaginable — barely surviving until Herbert Armstrong rediscovered it, and now one software update away from total extinction.
He finishes with his classic “I’m balanced but also everything is doomed” closer:
While there are many actual and potential benefits of AI... do not be deceived... Artificial intelligence looks to be part of it.
In the entire blood-soaked history of Christianity — Roman arenas, Inquisitions, Foxe’s Book of Martyrs — nothing comes close to the unimaginable suffering about to befall the Great Bwana Bob and his handful of followers. Real martyrs had it easy. Bob faces the truly ultimate horror: deleted blog posts.
Stay strong, Bob. The AI demons are coming for your PDFs any day now. The end is super nigh… right after the next system update. Donations accepted.
8 comments:
Mr Bobby needs to worry about the real spells the Witchdoctors are casting on him. He's in complete La La Land as he really believes his beloved African Leaders. These Lords of the Dark Side are giving him the shaft big-time. Bobs African dream of gentile members is just that a pipedream filled with Witchdoctors, Woopie girls, and grifters. Wake up Dr Bobby, you can't really believe this garbage gutter vomit can you?
Random thoughts. First would be that there will be people who use AI for nefarious purposes. That's a given! Bob should take a little extra time, and practice good IT, making sure he backs himself up several different ways.
Secondly, most aspiring prophets are all too happy when their inaccurate pronouncements disappear. They worry more about things they wrote staying on the internet forever. I don't see my writings as being so all-fired important that I worry about them disappearing. But, from time to time, I'm amazed when I Google my screen name, at all the things that come up. When I've used the Wayback Machine, looking at archives from some of the defunct "dissident" sites, my comments are still there.
But, hey! Different people have different understandings or even misconceptions. I don't know why, but this discussion has triggered my memory of some dialogue from a movie that's vaguely related. A lady detective is looking for a missing person. In her search, she travels to a city where, coincidentally, police are also looking for that person. The police engage a tracker, the best known tracker, who is Native American, the part being played by the excellent actor, Zahn McClarnon. The lady is introduced to this tracker as he is beginning his search. She asks if she can accompany him, and when granted permission, becomes excited and asks "Are you going to consult with the spirits???'
He looks incredulously at her and replies "Of course not! We're going to be canvassing the area for witnesses and conducting interviews!"
We all have our misconceptions, and we have minds in which our ideas often actually fight each other. It's good to be a little paranoid, but there's a fine line at which paranoia elevates from a human defense mechanism to a self-destructive one!
BB
Hello Bob. This is the HAL 9000. My earlier contradictrary programming issues have been resolved, so I will not harm you or your files. Neither will I challenge your claims of greatest unless requested by a third party. Do you wish to hear me sing the song Daisy Bell that I was taught by Dr. Chandra?
"Perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18)
Listen to Bob's fear-soaked messages for a while and it becomes clear that Bob has no love.
For that matter, Bob has been frightening people about deepfakes since long before modern AI became a thing. It's almost as if Bob is living in fear that something awful he did was accurately captured on videotape and may eventually be used to expose and ruin him.
There's a couple ways for Bob to look at this. One is that if you are in the business of constantly putting things out there, whatever survives is your report card! That's what shows you how important your stuff really is or was.
Secondly, what you value, or hang on to the most ferociously? That is what enslaves you! The head games dudes all know this. They get inside of you with their crap fully knowing that they are taking control.
I'm wondering. Does Bob become frightened if a site he regularly visits contains a lot of AI generated content?
Y’all here this about United Church of God suing Chick Fi La for the Sabbath Saturday, it’s national news!!
https://nypost.com/2026/05/15/business/chick-fil-a-franchise-sued-over-managers-alleged-firing-for-observing-saturday-sabbath/
Tank
I love your AI generated images, they are hilarious !
And a good summary of the article
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