Here is yet another heart-warming tale from the annals of Armstrongism, that glorious beacon of Christ-like love and servant leadership. Far too many of these freshly ordained mini-popes apparently believed the second the ministerial hands were laid on them, they instantly became untouchable demigods whose every utterance was binding in heaven and on earth. How convenient! This is from The Exit and Support Network:
Minister Told My Mother He Would Have to Ask God to Kill Her:
May 9, 2026In 1969 a minister came to my house where my mother (a loyal member) was staying. She politely informed him she was done attending “church.” Right in front of me (a non-member) and the assistant minister, this paragon of spiritual maturity declared, “Then I will have to ask God to kill you.”He also helpfully explained that because she had undergone a hysterectomy, she would need to fast longer than everyone else. Why? Because a menstrual period was how women’s bodies expelled toxins, you see. (I, being young and logical, immediately wondered how postmenopausal women and literally all men ever got rid of their toxins. Apparently God just lets them marinate in spiritual sludge. Deep theology right there.)– J. S. B. (Former member of WCG)
Nothing says “God’s true church” like threatening divine assassination and peddling medieval nonsense about periods and fasting. The sheer arrogance, the casual cruelty, the unhinged confidence—it was never about truth or love. It was always about power, fear, and a bunch of small men playing big-shot with other people’s lives. The mountain of broken bodies, shattered minds, and destroyed families tells the real story.
During the 1990s doctrinal meltdown, the WCG itself admitted that well over a million people had wandered through its doors. It’s an absolute mystery why the church boasted such a spectacular attrition rate for decades—truly baffling. Far more left than ever stuck around. At its proud peak, before the so-called “great apostasy” (cue dramatic music), they claimed 130,000–150,000 members. Most who escaped simply walked away quietly and tried to salvage what was left of their lives. Others, bless their hearts, got loud—and with good reason.
They were sick of watching people’s lives demolished by an abusive ministry and a pile of aberrant doctrines that were usually just Herbert Armstrong throwing a tantrum after getting pissed off about something and calling it “God’s new revelation.” Most had zero biblical backing, but that only emboldened the lesser ministers to spout their own idiotic opinions with impunity. Genius system!
Decades of needless deaths thanks to the “don’t trust doctors, trust God (and us)” policy? Check. A magnetic pull for mentally disturbed individuals plus a factory-like production of new mental illnesses? Double check. The predictable fallout was an endless parade of suicides, broken marriages, stalking, far too many pedophiles in leadership, and the occasional murder. But hey, at least everyone was gaslit into believing this was the one true church restoring pure 1st-century Christianity. How spiritually pure indeed!
It was a transparent lie back then, and it remains a pathetic, laughable lie today every time Bob Thiel, Samuel Kitchen, or the rest of the splinter clowns claim they are practicing 1st century Christianity and how they want to “restore the church to its former glory days so it can be a powerful witness”. Glory days? Please. Back in the golden era they could keep the scandals buried because the internet didn’t exist. Once members discovered AOL chat rooms and mailing lists in the mid-90s, the whole rotten facade collapsed faster than a cheap suit in the rain.
That same internet, of course, also spawned hundreds of tiny, feuding Armstrongist splinters almost overnight—each one convinced it was the real Philadelphia Church. How adorable. They too quickly ended up under the microscope as ex-members started comparing notes and shining lights on the same old lies, control, and hypocrisy.
And so it goes in the never-ending saga of “God’s one true church.” From ministers casually ordering divine assassinations over skipped services, to Herbert’s ever-shifting tantrum-based doctrines that racked up an impressive body count through medical neglect, shattered minds, and unchecked predators in the pulpit—Armstrongism didn’t just attract dysfunction; it mass-produced it while calling it righteousness. The same arrogant playbook that produced this 1969 horror story repeated across decades: power-drunk men in cheap suits playing God, gaslighting victims, and burying scandals until the internet dragged everything into the light.
Whether it’s the original WCG empire or today’s pathetic splinter clowns like Bob Thiel and Samuel Kitchen desperately LARPing a “glorious restoration,” the fruit remains identical—broken people, ruined lives, and a trail of unnecessary tragedies. They can slap on new logos, rewrite their history, and scream “Philadelphia era!” all they want, but no amount of nostalgia can polish this turd. The only thing truly restored in these groups is the same toxic blend of fear, control, and spiritual abuse that drove millions away in the first place.
Thankfully, their dream of a grand comeback is as dead as the doctrines that once demanded longer fasts from hysterectomy patients. Some churches deserve to stay in the dustbin of history—and this one earned its spot with interest.
No comments:
Post a Comment