There is a special kind of confidence that only exists in the Armstrongist remnant universe. It is the confidence that allows a man in Keosauqua, Iowa, to look at the wreckage of the old Worldwide Church of God, notice that almost every ordained minister either changed doctrines, started their own group, retired, or died, and conclude: "Well, that leaves me. Christ had no choice."
Samuel Kitchen has made the claim with remarkable clarity. The ministry vacated their posts. Therefore Jesus Christ was compelled to ordain a man still inside "the church." Either Kitchen is a false minister, he writes, or he has been ordained by Jesus Christ. There is no third option. The logic is airtight if you already accept the premise that the entire visible ministry of a denomination that once numbered over 100,000 members simply walked off the job and left the Son of God holding an empty clipboard.
That is the entire argument, dressed up in a thick coat of King James verses. Herbert W. Armstrong was ordained by Christ. The Worldwide Church of God is "the vine." Everyone who left is scattering, planting tares, and will be uprooted. When the hired help disappears, the Owner of the vineyard is forced to tap whoever is still standing in the building. In this case, that person happens to be a third-generation member who runs websites, writes AI-assisted hymns, collects tithes under a letter of authorization from a Philippine elder who later moved on, and explains that the authorization remains valid because Jesus is still Head of the Church.
It is an elegant solution to a staffing problem. No messy laying-on-of-hands by existing evangelists. No need for the kind of public recognition Armstrong himself insisted upon. Just a quiet, private promotion issued after everyone else "vacated." The verses about false prophets, blind guides, and plants the Father did not plant are then aimed, with impressive precision, at everyone except the man now claiming the office.
The same texts that warn "leave them alone" are offered as both shield and sword. Hosea's "let him alone," Christ's warning about blind leaders of the blind, and the fruit-inspection passage in Matthew 7 are all pressed into service. The implication is straightforward: anyone who questions the new arrangement is the one who should be left alone. Those not "with the vine" will find themselves barred from the Kingdom. It is a tidy theological circle.
Forty years after Armstrong's death, the old organization is gone. Grace Communion International kept the legal shell and dropped the distinctive doctrines. Dozens of splinter groups claim to be the faithful remnant. Into that crowded field walks a man who argues that the vacancy itself constitutes the call. The ministry left; therefore Christ ordained the remaining occupant. The claim is not that Kitchen sought the office. The claim is that heaven ran out of options.
One can almost picture the scene in the heavenly HR department: the last qualified candidates have all taken other positions or started competing franchises. The position cannot stay vacant. A third-generation member in rural Iowa is still showing up, still posting sermons from the 1970s and 1980s, still insisting the corporation may have died but the spiritual organism did not. Fine. Stamp the papers. Forced ordination it is.
Whether this produces good fruit or simply another small website asking for tithes to "restore the storehouse" is, of course, the test the same scriptures Kitchen quotes actually recommend. In the meantime, the rest of the former Worldwide Church of God diaspora can be forgiven for treating the announcement the way most people treat a coworker who declares himself CEO after everyone else quit: with a mixture of pity, amusement, and the quiet decision to not join forces with him. Exactly as the verses suggest.
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