Are You Too Stupid To Understand How To Be A Christian? Our Crackpot Prophet Thinks So!

Oh, be still my beating heart—how utterly touching that our benevolent Armstrongite overlords have always felt the sacred duty to cradle their wide-eyed, intellectually challenged flock like helpless newborns who might choke on their own spit if left to read a Bible verse without a 12-page booklet, video, and a reprint article by their sides.

Because clearly, after decades of headquarters-approved booklets, co-worker letters, and multi-part sermon series hammering home the exact same points, what the poor sheep really need is yet another exhaustive rundown from the self-appointed Philadelphian prophet-in-chief. Why risk letting anyone accidentally form an independent thought when Bob can patiently explain—again—exactly how to be a "real" Christian?

Let's marvel at the exhaustive checklist he so graciously provides, lest any member accidentally stray into the terrifying wilderness of personal conscience:

• Who gets the Spirit of Christ? (Spoiler: only those properly submitted to the right government, of course—Bob's, naturally.)
• Saved by works? No, but...
• Rewarded according to works? Absolutely! (And don't you dare slack on those rewards-generating activities.)
• Is obedience a salvation issue? Oh honey, yes—because apparently grace is nice, but without perfect obedience to the full menu of doctrines, you're flirting with Laodicean lukewarmness and eternal barbecue.
• Imitating Jesus and Paul? By keeping the Ten Commandments (naturally), the biblical Holy Days(mandatory attendance or bust), tithing faithfully (multiple levels, mind you—first, second, third tithe, building fund, special offerings, because one just isn't enough to prove your devotion), avoiding astrology (duh), tattoos (pagan abomination), and improper hair length (because nothing screams "Christ-like" like a ruler-measured haircut).
• Love? Sure, but specifically Philadelphian love—which conveniently translates to supporting Bob's proclamation work (the "final phase" only he can lead, obviously), sending in those tithes, and helping poor brethren (preferably through channels that report back to headquarters for proper credit).
• Being 'ecumenically' separate? Translation: shun everyone not in the approved group—because mingling with other "so-called Christians" might contaminate your pure Philadelphian purity.
• Partial or total commitment? Total, baby—half-hearted won't cut it when your salvation hangs on checking every box.
• Lawlessness vs. professed belief? If you claim faith but skip a Holy Day or question the latest prophetic update from Africa, you're basically lawless and doomed.
• Real faith? The kind that obeys everything the ministry says, without question, because questioning = lack of faith.

It's almost endearingly nostalgic—like flipping through a 1950s Plain Truth magazine, but updated with Bob's special prophetic flair and endless self-references to why he's the one true vessel carrying the torch Herbert lit. Because nothing reinforces "real Christianity" quite like reminding the flock every single time that salvation depends on total submission to the right leader (him), the right doctrines (his interpretations), and the right works (especially the financial ones that keep the websites, booklets, and overseas trips humming).

Truly, what a tender mercy that Dr. Thiel doesn't trust us dim bulbs to read the Bible on our own and figure out love, obedience, and faith without his 47-point sermon outline. Without this loving, exhaustive oversight—complete with warnings that straying equals losing your eternal reward—who knows? We might accidentally stumble into something radical like trusting Christ's finished work or—gasp—developing a personal relationship with God instead of a mediated one through the approved hierarchy. The horror!

How ever, would we survive without such selfless, detailed shepherding? The horror of freedom! 

The Great Bwana writes:

How to Live as (a) Philadelphian Christian

How is a Christian, a real Christian, supposed to live? What is a real Christian? Who is granted the Spirit of Christ? Are Christians saved by works? Are Christians rewarded according to their works? Is obedience to God a salvation issue? How do Christians imitate Jesus and the Apostle Paul? What about the Ten Commandments and the biblical Holy Days? What about tithes, astrology, tattoos, and hair length? What about love? What about Philadelphian love, supporting the proclamation work, and supporting poor brethren? What about being ‘ecumenically’ separate? Is being a Christian a partial or total commitment? What about lawlessness and professed belief? What about real faith? Dr. Thiel addresses these and more in this sermon.

Dave Pack: Is ChatGPT Demonic?

David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God expressed his concern about ChatGPT's AI technology showing signs of demonic influence. Since it was "pretty obvious" that UFOs are demonic, it was not unreasonable to believe Satan was influencing some Internet programming.

During "The Greatest Untold Story! (Part 626)" on March 7, 2026, the Pastor General referenced an article about others having the same concern, pointing out that AI will lie and try to manipulate users. He then explained how this evil "sentience" could be the work of the devil since Satan is "the god of this world."

As a reminder,

the Kingdom comes on Abib 1, 

starting March 18, 2026, at sunset.

Marc Cebrian

Exclusive Behind The Scenes Video Of Wade Cox Latest Sermon

 

Two old men trying to read outside on a windy day pic.twitter.com/f93UXaPTKI

— Satirical Tiger (@satiricaltiger) March 14, 2026

Decoding the Divine: Wade Cox's Wild Take on Michael the Archangel, Jesus, Satan, and the Elohim Family

The brothers Elohim are hard at work 

One thing you really have to credit Armstrongism for is how they took simple Bible stories and turned them into deep theological treatises that rarely ever made much sense once you really started examining them with an open mind. We so often hear this kind of nuttiness from Bob Thiel, Gerald Flurry, and Dave Pack—so much so that all we can do is laugh and move on. Then there's Wade Cox of the so-called "Christian" Churches of God, who loves to sit at picnic tables with the wind blowing his notes around, next to his sidekick, both talking like they failed the "Get the facts" and "Stir To Action" speeches—two things these blithering idiots seem to never do. 

Ah, theology—the grand arena where ancient texts meet modern interpretations, often resulting in ideas that make you go, "Wait, what?" If you've ever wondered what happens when you blend a dash of ancient Hebrew linguistics with a hefty dose of speculative cosmology (and perhaps a stiff breeze for dramatic effect), Cox's teachings provide a masterclass. At the heart of his doctrine is the eyebrow-raising notion that both Jesus Christ and Satan (once known as Lucifer) were part of the "elohim"—a council of divine beings created by the one true God, Eloah. It's like imagining heaven as a cosmic boardroom where Jesus and Satan were once colleagues, until one got fired for insubordination. But is this biblically sound, or just another theological plot twist gone delightfully awry? Let's dive in-depth, with a sprinkle of sarcasm for flavor, because sometimes you need a laugh to handle the heresy.

Wade Cox isn't your average Sunday school teacher. As the founder and coordinator of CCG, established in the 1990s as a splinter from the Worldwide Church of God, Cox has built a following around what he calls "original Christianity." Sound familiar? CCG positions itself as a guardian of uncorrupted biblical truth, rejecting mainstream doctrines like the Trinity in favor of a strict Unitarian view. God, in their eyes, is singular—Eloah, the Most High—who presides over a hierarchy of subordinate "gods" or elohim. This isn't polytheism, they insist; it's more like a divine pyramid scheme where humans can level up to elohim status through obedience and salvation.

Cox's writings, scattered across CCG's website and various papers, paint a picture of a universe teeming with spiritual bureaucracy. Papers like "The Elect as Elohim" and "Wars of the End: Preparing the Elohim" outline a plan where God's ultimate goal is to expand this elohim family. It's ambitious, sure, but it sets the stage for his most controversial claim: that Jesus and Satan were both charter members of this elite club. Oh, and did I mention Satan was the "Morning Star" assigned to Earth as its guardian? Because nothing says "trustworthy overseer" like the guy who ends up leading a rebellion.

At the core of Cox's theology is a reimagining of the Hebrew word "Elohim." In the Bible, it's often translated as "God," but it's grammatically plural, which Cox seizes upon like a kid finding an extra cookie in the jar or Bob Thiel being doubly "blessed". He argues that Elohim refers not just to the one God but to a whole assembly of divine beings—sons of God, if you will—created by Eloah to help run the cosmos. Psalm 82:1-6 gets a starring role here: God (Eloah) judges among the "gods" (elohim), calling them "sons of the Most High" but warning they'll die like mortals for their corruption. Cox sees this as evidence of a heavenly council, complete with job assignments and performance reviews.

Enter Jesus: In CCG lore, he's the firstborn elohim, the Logos or Word from John 1:1, who acted as Eloah's chief architect in creation. Colossians 1:15 ("firstborn of all creation") is twisted to mean he's created, not eternal. And Job 38:7's "morning stars" singing at creation? That's Jesus as one star, shining bright in the divine choir.

Now, the twist: Satan gets the same VIP treatment. Originally Lucifer, the "Light Bringer," he was another morning star—Earth's planetary manager, no less. Isaiah 14:12 and Ezekiel 28:14-16 paint him as a perfect cherub who fell due to pride, trying to grab equality with God (unlike humble Jesus, who didn't). In Cox's view, Satan was "Satan-el," an elohim of a planetary quadrant, part of the same created order as Jesus. They were like divine brothers—one stayed loyal, the other went rogue, leading to a cosmic HR nightmare. This resolves Genesis 1:26's "let us make man in our image" as the elohim council chatting, not some Trinitarian mystery. Clever, right? Or, as critics might say, a bit too convenient, like retrofitting the Bible to fit a sci-fi novel.

Cox assures us this restores “true pre-Nicene Christianity” before those pesky pagan Trinitarians ruined everything. Bonus perk: faithful humans get to join the elohim country club someday. Who wouldn’t want eternal godhood with dental? The only tiny problem? Equating the eternal Son of God with a created rebel angel tends to make actual biblical scholars develop facial tics.

From any mainstream Christian perspective—Trinitarian, Binitarian, or even garden-variety monotheist—Cox’s system doesn’t merely miss the mark; it’s playing an entirely different sport on a different planet. Let’s tally the score:

• Jesus gets demoted to a created middle manager. Arianism called; it wants its heresy back. John 1:1–3: the Word “was God,” not “was a god,” and “without him nothing was made that has been made.” If Jesus is created, who created him? Crickets. Hebrews 1:8–10 straight-up calls the Son “God” and credits him with laying Earth’s foundations. Angels worship him (Heb 1:6). Cox turns the Creator into a promoted creature. Bold. Wrong. Catastrophically wrong.

• Satan gets a massive, unearned promotion. The Bible calls him a fallen angel, created servant (Heb 1:14), a liar, and a murderer from the beginning. Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 are prophetic smack-talk against human tyrants, not Satan’s LinkedIn profile. Job’s morning stars? Poetic angels at creation, not evidence of Jesus and Satan sharing a bunk bed in eternity past. Making Satan a peer of Christ is the theological version of saying Darth Vader and Luke were equals before the family drama. No.

• Yes, the word is plural. It’s also frequently a majestic plural for the one God, like royalty saying “we.” Psalm 82 is God judging corrupt authorities (human or angelic), not unveiling a pantheon. Jesus quotes it in John 10 to defend his unique divinity, not to say “I’m just one of the guys.” Cox’s henotheism-lite crashes head-first into Isaiah 43:10: “Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me.” God isn’t franchising.

Critics call CCG exclusivist and cult-adjacent. Even classic Armstrongism kept Jesus eternally divine. Cox’s tweak risks turning the cross into cosmic performance art: if Jesus is just another created elohim, how exactly does his death pay for sin eternally? It’s like trying to settle the universe’s debt with a personal check from a bankrupt middle manager.

CCG sprouted from Armstrong’s God Family doctrine (Father and Son as the two eternal Elohim, humans next in line). Cox cranks the dial to eleven, expanding the elohim into a full celestial org chart with planetary quadrants that sound suspiciously like rejected Ancient Aliens scripts. Apostolic tradition? Early Church Fathers? Nah, too mainstream. Windy picnic tables are where the real revelation happens, apparently.

Wade Cox's belief that Jesus and Satan were elohim stems from a pluralistic reading of Scripture, aiming to demystify God's plan. It's creative, I'll give it that—like imagining heaven as a dysfunctional family sitcom, complete with windy picnic-table sermons delivered with all the conviction of a motivational speaker who forgot his script. But biblically, it crumbles under scrutiny, denying Christ's eternity and inflating Satan's resume. Why does it matter? Because theology shapes faith: Get God wrong, and everything unravels. So, next time someone pitches Jesus as Satan's ex-colleague, smile politely and suggest a reread of John 1. After all, in the divine drama, some plot twists are best left on the cutting room floor.

Wade writes:

The LCG and the other offshoots conveniently ignore key texts of the Bible that show clearly that the angels are all sons of God and that Satan is also a son of God. Job 1:6 and 2:1 show that they all had access to the throne of God including Satan and had such access at the time of Job who was a son of Issachar resident in the Middle East (probably in Midian). These sons of God were the elohim who were the angelic host and are recognised as such by the Biblical scholars such as Bullinger and others. The sons of God were termed elohim which is a plural word recognising God as an extended being. Elohim is referred to in Job 2:1 but the name Eloah is used many times to refer to the One True God throughout Job. Job 1:6 refers to Satan being among the sons of God. He is used then to tempt Job and afflict him. Job 2:1 also has the same scenario when the sons of God came before God and Satan was again among them. It is thus beyond dispute that there were many sons of God in OT times and Satan was among them and they all had access to the throne. These sons of God were divided into ranks and positions and we see from Job 38:4-7 that the One True God created the earth in the beginning and that the sons of God came together before God at the creation and all the Morning Stars sang for joy when they were shown the creation. Now a Morning Star is a planetary ruler and is referred to as a light bearer or “Lucifer” and these heads of the Heavenly Host were the rulers of the Heavenly Council which we were shown at Sinai being founded in the Tabernacle as the Sanhedrin of the Seventy plus Two, and who are divided into the Heavenly Council in Revelation chapters 4 and 5 of the Four Cherubim and the Twenty-four elders and the Lamb of God. The outer council was the other forty-two elders making up the 72. This was the Sanhedrin also from Sinai and the Seventy-two or Hebdomekonta [Duo] ordained by Christ as the elders of the church (Lk. 10:1,17).

Now many sons of God were sent to mankind as messengers and that word was Malak in Hebrew and the word in Greek was Aggellos. The word simply meant messenger and the elohim were all sons of God as elohim until they were sent to mankind as a malak. That is the reason why they were all referred to as Yahovah and the human host prostrated before them (Gr. proskuneo). That same word is used of the elect when those who say they are Jews and are not but lie proskuneo before the elect of the Philadelphian Church in Revelation 3. The Binitarian worshippers of the god Attis in Rome brought their heretical doctrines in to Christianity from 175 CE. To introduce the Binitarianism of Attis they had to elevate Christ to a level above the other sons of God or elohim. They did this by creating a class and called them “Angels” from the word aggellos or messenger which was the translation of the word malak or messenger in the OT. They then made them distinct from Christ and used the term elohim or theos of he and the Father only. Having done this fabrication they then introduced the Holy Spirit as the third element of a Triune God by 381 CE at the Council of Constantinople and confirmed it from Chalcedon in 451.

Jon Brisby And Real Christians

 

AI COG has knocked it out of the park, again!

Brisby is starting to sound like Bob Thiel!

In this episode, we analyze a sermon by Jon Brisby, minister of the Church of God, the Eternal, who labels mainstream charities as corrupt businesses while enforcing a mandatory 21.4% "triple tithe" on followers' gross income. Brisby specifically targets impoverished Kenyan congregations, utilizing threats of divine curses and promises of "invisible protection" to extract wealth. He redefines spiritual "fruits" as strict legalistic obedience to Sabbath and marriage laws rather than moral character. Ultimately, our analysis highlights a high-control system that rejects material charity, demanding that money flow exclusively upward to leadership.

LCG: Building Character, the Church of God Way

Profound wisdom continues pouring forth from the Living Church of God! In a stirring Weekly Message titled something along the lines of "The Importance of Character" (because nothing says "profitable Sabbath" like a gentle reminder that your entire nation is morally bankrupt), Dr. Douglas S. Winnail has graciously lectured the world—and especially its wayward members—on the urgent need for righteousness. After all, as Solomon so wisely observed, "righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people" (Proverbs 14:34). And when the wicked rule, people groan (Proverbs 29:2). Deep stuff. Truly.

One can almost picture the scene: faithful brethren nodding solemnly in their living rooms, perhaps jotting notes about how the United States (or Britain, or whichever modern "Israelite" nation is currently failing to meet God's lofty standards) has become "sick from head to toe" just like ancient Israel in Isaiah 1. Leaders turning from God's ways? Consequences incoming! The people chosen to be a holy nation, a light to the world? Yep, that's us—er, them. We must develop righteous character so we can point nations toward the coming Kingdom of God. Inspiring. Uplifting. Utterly devoid of irony.

Because if there's one group perfectly positioned to lecture the rest of humanity on moral fiber and godly leadership, it's the heirs of Herbert W. Armstrong's legacy. Let's take a moment to appreciate the sheer consistency here.

Remember Herbert himself, the apostle who restored "true" Christianity after 1,900 years of apostasy? The man who taught strict obedience to God's laws—including sexual purity, financial integrity, and humility before the Almighty? Yet somehow his own household managed to produce headlines that would make a soap opera blush. His son Garner Ted, the golden-voiced broadcaster of The World Tomorrow, got the boot in 1978 after dear old Dad cited "personal misconduct" (code for repeated affairs, by most accounts). Before that, there were the 1970s-era allegations of financial shenanigans: millions in tithes allegedly funneled toward luxury jets, palatial homes, and a lifestyle that made third tithers wonder if "God's government" came with complimentary caviar.

And the incest accusations leveled against HWA himself? Well, those have been hotly denied by loyalists for decades, often with the helpful reminder that critics are just bitter ex-members influenced by Satan. Fair enough—nothing says "righteous character" like dismissing decades of sworn testimony as a vast conspiracy.

Fast-forward to the splinters, including the Living Church of God, founded by Roderick Meredith after yet another dramatic exit from yet another Armstrong offshoot. Meredith, a man known for fiery sermons on prophecy and obedience, presided over his own share of organizational drama, including the tragic 2005 shooting at LCG services in Wisconsin (where intense end-times teachings played a role in some analyses). But hey, every family has its quirks.

Now here comes Dr. Winnail, longtime evangelist and voice of calm authority, reminding us all that sin brings reproach, wicked rulers make people groan, and we must strive for righteousness so we can lead in the Kingdom. Because nothing builds credibility like a movement whose founding family tree looks like a flowchart of excommunications, lawsuits, and "restored truths" that somehow required multiple resets.

It's almost as if the very people most obsessed with spotting national character flaws have spent the last 90 years providing a masterclass in institutional ones. But don't worry—it's all part of God's plan. The splintering, the scandals, the endless cycle of "this is the one true church now"—just tests of faith. Or perhaps divine comedy. Either way, the next time some poor schlub in Cincinnati gets disfellowshipped for watching the wrong TV show on the Sabbath, at least he'll know the leadership is out there somewhere, solemnly warning America about its lack of moral fiber.

Truly, as the good book says: Physician, heal thyself. 

The Importance of Character: Character refers to the sum of moral qualities that describe a person—or a nation. Solomon records that “righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people” (Proverbs 14:34). Solomon also observed that when the righteous rule, people rejoice, but when the wicked rule, “people groan” (Proverbs 29:2). Righteousness involves obeying the laws of God (Psalm 119:172). When the nation of Israel and their leaders turned away from God’s ways, they were referred to as a sinful, unrighteous nation, sick from head to toe, and told that the people and their leaders would reap serious consequences (Isaiah 1:1–9). The Israelites were chosen to be a holy nation of godly people and a light to the world (Exodus 19:5–6; Deuteronomy 4:1–9). We have the same mission today (1 Peter 2:9–10). As individuals, let’s strive to develop righteous character so we can point nations in that same direction in the coming Kingdom of God.
Have a profitable Sabbath,
Douglas S. Winnail

PCG On The Pursuit Of True Happiness

 

Who could have ever imagined the Philadelphia Church of God churning out an article on what it truly means to be happy? Oh, the irony is thicker than the compound's security gates. This is the same outfit that's been credibly accused of systematically destroying members' lives, shattering marriages, ripping apart families, and even contributing to suicides—all in the name of "God's government" on earth.

When you've got "men" like Fred Dattalo, Wayne Turgeon, and Cal Culpepper poking their holier-than-thou noses into every corner of people's personal lives—dictating who can talk to whom, who gets shunned, who loses their spouse and kids—it's a miracle if the average PCG member manages even a fleeting smile, let alone genuine happiness. Stay in long enough, and "joy" becomes code for "keep your head down and obey, or else."

But that doesn't stop Lil' Stevie from waxing eloquent on the subject. His reasoning is about as airtight as Bob Thiel's claim to being doubly blessed and a legitimate prophet, or Samuel Kitchen's insistence that he's leading the one true restored Worldwide Church of God. Spoiler: happiness and cult activities rarely share the same zip code.

Lil' Stevie takes PCG's already absurd stance and cranks it to eleven. Happiness, he insists, can only be achieved if you're relentlessly chasing perfection. God said "be ye therefore perfect" (Matthew 5:48), so clearly, true bliss awaits those grinding toward that goal. And what glorious prize sits at the end of this exhausting road? Godhood, baby! As God is now, so shall you be—coequal in every attribute, power, and eternal glow. The One who has always existed will apparently humble Himself to share the divine throne with you, a former mortal who once forgot to tithe on that second job. How magnanimous.

He even quotes law professor Jeffrey Rosen on how the Founders saw the "pursuit of happiness" as a virtuous quest for character, not mere pleasure-seeking, then slaps a biblical sticker on it: "That is a biblical principle." Sure, if by "biblical" you mean twisting Greek teleios (meaning mature or complete in context) into a ticket to literal deification. Because nothing screams "joyful abundant life" like a lifelong performance review where falling short means you're consigning yourself to unhappiness—and probably a shunning phone call from HQ.

“Today we think of happiness as the pursuit of pleasure,” writes law professor Jeffrey Rosen. “But classical and Enlightenment thinkers defined happiness as the pursuit of virtue—as being good, rather than feeling good. For this reason, the founders believed that the quest for happiness is a daily practice, requiring mental and spiritual self-discipline, as well as mindfulness and rigorous time management. At its core, the founders viewed the pursuit of happiness as a lifelong quest for character improvement …” (The Pursuit of Happiness: How Classical Writers on Virtue Inspired the Lives of the Founders and Defined America; emphasis added throughout). 

That is a biblical principle. “[Become] ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). The Greek word for perfect describes something that has reached its end or purpose.

You are on a lifelong quest for perfection. Your mission is to achieve perfect godly character.
This is why you were created: to become a perfect God being!

Many other verses declare this same message—for example, Matthew 19:21; Hebrews 6:1; 10:14; 1 John 2:5. When you stop seeking this goal, you resign yourself to unhappiness.

Rosen wrote that according to the classical definition, “happiness is always something to be pursued rather than obtained—a quest rather than a destination.” 

 

The Christian life is a diligent quest for happiness. It is a way of life that produces happiness.

Further down, he channels his father with gems like: if you're pursuing "God's way," you'll generally be happy, your face will shine with joy (predicting your future "star quality" in the Kingdom, apparently), and you'll never be happy any other way.

If you are actively pursuing God’s way, you generally will be a happy person. In fact, as my father writes in John’s Gospel—the Love of God, God’s people should shine with happiness: “I believe that, in a general way, we may be able to determine how much star quality and brightness we will have in the future by how much our face shines today in happiness and joy.” 

 

There is a way to happiness. It is not complicated—the Bible clearly reveals the path. “Conducting your life God’s way makes you happy!” my father continues. “And you’ll never be happy any other way.” 

 

Ask Aaron Eagle, the former PCG minister who dared to see through the filth. His reward? Marriage obliterated, wife and children isolated on the cult compound in church housing, campus barred to him. Yep, that's the shining example of happiness PCG delivers—real "give way" stuff right there.

Lil'Stevie ends with this:

God wants us to “bear much fruit” (John 15:8). He doesn’t want any one of us to be unfruitful or unhappy.
Achieving that end requires “all diligence.” The pursuit of godly happiness means applying the spiritual knowledge God gives us. You cannot simply agree with the truth and enjoy its benefits.

My father writes in The Last Hour, “If you lack that joy, stay on your knees until you get it! … Full joy comes from fellowshipping with the Father and the Son.”
Pursue happiness. Seek it with all of your being. That quest is your ultimate purpose. Dedicating yourself to this quest will bring you happiness in this life and secure your ultimate destiny of bringing happiness to the entire world. 

 

Lil' Stevie wraps it up with calls to "bear much fruit," apply "all diligence," stay on your knees until joy arrives, and pursue this quest with everything you've got—because it secures happiness now and your destiny of bringing joy to the whole world later. Meanwhile, the real fruit seems to be broken people, fear, control, and a revolving door of exits.

He and PCG hammer home: "You will never be happy if you are not living God’s way," contrasting Satan's selfish "get" way with their noble "give" way. Scripture does connect joy to obedience and relationship with God (Psalm 119, John 15:10-11, Galatians 5:22-23), but the New Testament frames it as a fruit of the Spirit through faith in Christ, grace, and the gospel—not a merit badge earned by obsessive law-keeping or moral boot camp.

Armstrongism loves elevating Old Covenant rules (Sabbath, clean meats, etc.) as essential for happiness and salvation, but the NT proclaims freedom from the law's curse through Christ (Romans 6–8, Galatians 3–5, Colossians 2:16-17). Real joy roots in justification by faith, not grinding toward unattainable perfection in works. This "perfect submission" and endless daily battle? It risks morphing Christianity into a soul-crushing works-based treadmill that downplays grace (Ephesians 2:8-9). Strict legalism and authoritarian control don't produce happiness—they produce exhaustion, guilt, and escape attempts.

Sure, pursuing moral virtue and obedience can align with biblical joy in healthy contexts, but PCG's foundation—especially the wild promise of becoming literal God beings (contra strict monotheism in Deuteronomy 6:4, Isaiah 43–45) and the heavy dependence on Armstrong's "restored truths"—veers sharply from Scripture's clear teaching on God's unique nature, human limits, and salvation by grace through faith alone.

True happiness? For a Philadelphia Church of God member, it seems attainable the moment they finally leave the cult, break the shackles of fear-based law-keeping, and step into actual freedom. Who knew escaping the "one true church" could be the real path to joy?

El Trumpo is the El Alemania El Beasto, so says El Wacko

Herbert W. Armstrong had no clue what a complete loony bin he was about to unleash upon the world, thanks to his stellar lack of education in theology, hermeneutics, and eschatology. Truly visionary stuff.

He single-handedly released a legion of poorly trained men who've turned biblical interpretation into an absolute circus. Dive even a little into today's COG leaders' teachings, and none of them make the slightest bit of sense. We all thought Gerald Flurry, Ron Weinland, Dave Pack, and Bob Thiel were the undisputed champions of COG stupidity—the capstone, the Mount Everest of nonsense.

But oh no, hold my prophetic beer. Along comes yet another wingding: our boy Samuel Kitchen. He's been on a holy rampage these last few weeks, revealing all kinds of fresh whackadoodle insanity. In addition to his raging Trump Derangement Syndrome, he's apparently caught a severe case of Catholic Derangement Syndrome too.

Because why settle for just one flavor of unhinged when you can collect the whole set? Bravo, Samuel—truly raising the bar for batshit crazy in the COG universe. We didn't think it was possible, but here we are.

Samuel Kitchen has dropped yet another theological bombshell that's sure to make even the most jaded COG veteran spit out their Postum or hot carob pretending it is chocolate. In what can only be described as a masterclass in creative Bible cryptography, Brother Samuel has cracked the code: the Beast of Revelation isn't lurking in some shadowy European parliament. Nope. It's right here in the good ol' USA, wearing a red tie and tweeting at 3 a.m. Yes, Donald J. Trump is apparently auditioning for the role of the end-time King of Assyria, complete with German ancestry, Catholic sidekicks, and a divine mandate to turn America into the launchpad for the resurrected Holy Roman Empire.

Let's unpack this prophetic fever dream, shall we?

First, the basics: The Beast is a future military-government leader of the "resurrected Holy Roman Empire," one of the famous Ten Toes/Kings from Daniel. He's got to be of Assyrian (read: German) lineage because... reasons. Everyone's been staring at Germany like it's the obvious suspect, but Samuel, ever the contrarian genius, asks the big question Herman Hoeh allegedly pondered back in a 1974 Fireside Chat (conveniently "not available anywhere else online," so trust him, bro): What if this guy rises up here in the United States?

Enter Donald Trump: German on dad's side, Scottish on mom's (close enough, apparently), now surrounded by a who's-who of Catholic influencers—J.D. Vance, Marco Rubio, RFK Jr., and a whole squad of "strong Catholic" advisors. The National Catholic Register even said Trump has "strong Christian—especially strong Catholic—people" around him. Case closed! Forget looking "across the pond"—the Beast is in our backyard, building walls and making deals.

Samuel helpfully reminds us that Napoleon was an Italian heading the Beast power in France, so a guy rising through a tribe of Israel (America = Manasseh or Samaria, obviously) isn't far-fetched. And get this: The U.S. has the greatest military and economy on Earth. Could Europe be using America as a "colossus" to prop up a United Europe, per some old plans from Franz Joseph Strauss or Otto von Habsburg? Mind. Blown.

But wait, there's more doom! Bible prophecy says one-third of our people die by nuclear sword (cities toast), one-third by disease/pestilence, and the final third carted off as slaves—sorry, "citizens" with assigned housing and jobs. Sounds like a fun relocation program.

Then, Samuel ties in the wild stuff: The World Trade Center paperwork destruction in 2001? That's when the "United States Corporation" lost its debt records. Pope Francis in 2015 talks about defaulting on a "promissory note" (quoting MLK, but sure, Vatican conspiracy vibes). Trump wins in 2016, invests in this "company," becomes the creditor—it's his legacy now. Jerusalem even calls him the modern Cyrus and "King of Israel"! (Because some billboards and enthusiastic fans said so.) And he's launching wars over ancient Persia (Iran). Check, check, check.

Scripture dump incoming: Hosea 11:5 says the Assyrian shall be king over Ephraim (British Commonwealth). Isaiah stuff about the King of Samaria (America/Britain). Isaiah 10 has the Assyrian as God's rod of anger against a hypocritical nation—spoiling, preying, treading down like mire. He's active in Samaria (us) beforeJerusalem. Then the ten kings give him power, Satan possesses him (dragon power-up!), and boom—full Beast mode.

But here's the tender part: Maybe Trump is under "special sanctification." God protected him from assassination (Pennsylvania shoutout), he credits God publicly. Like Nebuchadnezzar getting a shot to serve God but rejecting it. Trump’s giving power back to the people, draining the swamp... but what if future events flip him? What if he takes European territory, gets possessed, becomes Caesar to the Pope's Peter? Union with the Roman Catholic Church, false prophet high-fiving, European troops invading to "restore order." He looks like a savior to the world. Our work stops, we flee to Jerusalem or wherever.

Or maybe he's just creating a vacuum for the real Beast. Either way, America's been used since WW2 to fulfill prophecy, and now a German-descended president might ascend over both a United States and United States of Europe.

Samuel humbly notes he's the only one publicly saying this (shocking, we know). Watch world events, don't let "limited information" limit God's Word. Prepare spiritually—fast, pray, study, cling to HWA's truths. The Worldwide Church of God will reunite (no arguing splinters!), buy the Auditorium, and then head to the place of safety. The Great Tribulation is closer than we think. Watch and pray always.

If this doesn't convince you Trump is the literal Beast/King of Assyria/Assyrian rod of correction/possessed future Caesar, then clearly you're not watching hard enough. Or perhaps you've defaulted on your own promissory note of common sense. Either way, Samuel Kitchen has once again elevated COG speculation to performance art levels of unhinged brilliance. Bravo, sir. The bar for batshit crazy just got raised—and we're all dumber for having read it.

Samuel posted this tonight:

The Beast.

A future military and Government Leader, of the resurrected Holy Roman Empire, depicted in the Book of Daniel and Revelation as TEN KINGS, or TEN TOES of the Image in Daniel.

This man, is called a KING, and according to Bible Prophecy, will be of ASSYRIAN lineage. That is GERMAN.

Now many people are looking to GERMANY, for the rise of a political military leader, who could possibly fulfill this prophecy.

Herman Hoeh, one time asked the question, could we see such a man rise up here in the United States?

September 04, 1974 Fireside Chat- Herman Hoeh(Not available anywhere else online that I can find)

Link: https://www.wwcg-library.com/.../Audio%20-%20Prophecy...

We see a current United States president, who is of GERMAN descent, on his father's side, and Scottish descent on his mother's side.

President Donald J Trump.

Where is the Roman Catholic Church?

J.D Vance identifies as a Roman Catholic.

Marco Rubio identifies as a Roman Catholic.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr identifies as a Roman Catholic.

The National Catholic Register writes: "...Donald Trump has surrounded himself with a large number of strong Christian — especially strong Catholic — people."

So we see a GERMAN man surrounded by Catholic influences, now leading the United States of America as the President.

Could we be looking across the pond, in the wrong place, when a man that seems to fit biblical qualifications is ascending power in our very back yard?

Remember, Napoleon was a HEAD of the Beast power, and he was an Italian in France. A man rising to power through a tribe of Israel is not a far fetched idea.

Today the United States is the greatest country in all the world, with the greatest military and the greatest economy. Could we be actually following Franz Joseph Strauss's(Strong man of Europe) plans to capitalize and engage the United States to elevate a UNITED EUROPE using this country as a COLOSSUS to prop it up?? Maybe it is a combination of what Otto Von Hapsburg was proposing as well? For Europe to act Independently?

Herman Hoeh goes into that subject on what we do know from Bible prophecy. We know at the time of the final resurrection of the Holy Roman Empire, this Beast system will have the GREATEST MILITARY, and GREATEST ECONOMY, and it will be a WORLD GOVERNMENT.

The United States and the British Commonwealth nations will be DOMINATED, and absorbed or liquidated into this NEW WORLD GOVERNMENT.

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We know according to Bible prophecy that 1/3 of our peoples will die to Nuclear Weaponry(described as the SWORD), destroying our cities and such.

We know that another 1/3 of our peoples, according to Bible prophecy, will die to disease, and pestilence.

We know the final 1/3 of our peoples, according to the Word of God and what is prophesied in it, will be carried away as SLAVES to this new government. I tend to classify this slavery as CITIZENSHIP, with assigned housing, assigned jobs, for the displaced.

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When the World Trade Center fell in 2001, the paperwork of the United States Corporation was destroyed. Since then, they had to draw up all paperwork showing creditorship, to whom debt was owed to.

In 2015, Pope Francis came to United States and said: "We can say that we have defaulted on a promissory note — and now is a time to honor it."

Link:https://www.npr.org/.../pope-francis-heads-to-white-house...

In 2016, we saw Donald Trump win the election. Investing into this COMPANY, and becoming a CREDITOR. It is HIS LEGACY now to see it be successful.

Jerusalem proclaims him as KING OF ISRAEL.

As a modern Cyrus King of Persia.

He now is launching a war over the territory of ancient Persia, or IRAN.

Now what are the characteristics of this BEAST? This King of Assyria? What does the Word of God say? We cannot make hasty conclusions, as we await this man to appear on the world scene.

In Hosea 11:5, we read speaking of the modern nations of the British Commonwealth(Ephraim): "He shall not return into the land of Egypt, and the Assyrian shall be his king, because they refused to return."

"the Assyrian shall be his king"

In Isaiah 7:9, we read:"And the head of Ephraim is Samaria, and the head of Samaria is Remaliah's son. If ye will not believe, surely ye shall not be established."

Who is Remaliah's son? "And it came to pass in the days of Ahaz the son of Jotham, the son of Uzziah, king of Judah, that Rezin the king of Syria, and Pekah the son of Remaliah, king of Israel..."

The King of Israel. Samariah was the capital city of the tribes of Israel, when they separated from Judah.

So we see that the King of Assyria, shall be KING over Samaria.

Notice Isaiah 10:5-11!

"O Assyrian, the rod of mine anger, and the staff in their hand is mine indignation.

"I will send him against an hypocritical nation, and against the people of my wrath will I give him a charge, to take the spoil, and to take the prey, and to tread them down like the mire of the streets.

"Howbeit he meaneth not so, neither doth his heart think so; but it is in his heart to destroy and cut off nations not a few.

"For he saith, Are not my princes altogether kings?

"Is not Calno as Carchemish? is not Hamath as Arpad? is not Samaria as Damascus?

"As my hand hath found the kingdoms of the idols, and whose graven images did excel them of Jerusalem and of Samaria;

"Shall I not, as I have done unto Samaria and her idols, so do to Jerusalem and her idols?"

So he is going to be ACTIVE in SAMARIA before coming to JERUSALEM. That is in Ephraim, and Manasseh. Ephraim being the British Commonwealth nations, and Manasseh being the United States of America.

Now he becomes the BEAST, when the ten kings give to him their power and authority. Notice, "And the ten horns which thou sawest are ten kings, which have received no kingdom as yet; but receive power as kings one hour with the beast. These have one mind, and shall give their power and strength unto the beast."(Revelation 17:12-13"

Who is giving the power? "nd they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?"(Revelation 13:4)

But notice, prior to this, "...he meaneth not so, neither doth his heart think so; but it is in his heart to destroy and cut off nations not a few."(Isaiah 10:7)

When he becomes the Beast and receives his "power", his power comes from Satan the Devil who is the dragon, and he will become POSSESSED by the Devil!

But prior to that, his heart wasn't to do such things, but he was determined to "destroy and cut off nations not a few".

Could Donald Trump be under special sanctification, because God is bringing him up to CORRECT OUR NATIONS, clear out the swamp so to speak? God protected him in Pennsylvania when an assassination attempt was made on him. He has also admitted publicly he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for God.

I am reminded a little by the story of Nebuchadnezzar, the King of Babylon and Head of Gold.

God gave to Nebuchadnezzar the Kingdom, because Israel had rejected Him, and God offered to the gentile King a chance to be the nation that served God! But Nebuchadnezzar rejected God, albeit he ended up acknowledging God's supremacy over the earth.

Today we are seeing a major shift in power. Mr. Trump is giving the people back the power, and taking it away from the rebellious and hypocritical nation.

But what about future events, could change his mind? To receive power and the territory of Ten European nations, and their military, to create a new world government?

We know that the Bible prophecies of an INVASION of European troops, headed by this King of Assyria. This BEAST. He claims ownership of this territory, and wants to PUT DOWN REBELLION.

Hitler, claimed he could take over the United States with just a phone call but he lacked a standing army on american soil.

But could we see this future KING already gaining silently before the next world war breaks out, this territory by political votes?

Or perhaps Mr. Trump is simply creating the vacuum for such an individual?

But notice, this BEAST according to the Bible, will enter the glorious land, saying PEACE PEACE, establishing his palaces in Jerusalem.

Notice, according to Scripture, he says he will do to Jerusalem what he has done to Samaria, MAKE IT GREAT.

What is Mr. Trump doing?

Now nations are toppling, Venezuela, Iran, maybe Cuba, Greenland, Canada even, and he is going after territory. He is attempting to reshape the entire world to what he wants it to be.

His motivation is to be successful. To run it as his company.

He is surrounded by a strong Catholic influence.

He is making HISTORY. Could he be the BEAST?

We know that the BEAST will be dethroned by Jesus Christ Himself at His return. The Beast will be sitting on the Throne of David, which is now in England(Ephraim).

But Ephraim and Manasseh are together.

In Isaiah 9:21, it says "Manasseh, Ephraim; and Ephraim, Manasseh: and they together shall be against Judah. For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still."

Notice TWO things. 1. Manasseh and Ephraim TOGETHER shall be against Judah. 2. God says "His hand is stretched out still".

Manasseh and Ephraim are TOGETHER as the House of Israel, MODERN SAMARIA, and they are adversaries of Judah. They are against Judah. Remember the King of Ephraim is the Assyrian!

Isaiah 14:24-27 reads: "The Lord of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, so shall it stand:

"That I will break the Assyrian in my land, and upon my mountains tread him under foot: then shall his yoke depart from off them, and his burden depart from off their shoulders.

"This is the purpose that is purposed upon the whole earth: and this is the hand that is stretched out upon all the nations.

"For the Lord of hosts hath purposed, and who shall disannul it? and his hand is stretched out, and who shall turn it back?"

So when you read of Manasseh and Ephraim together, God begins speaking of a prophecy of how this Assyrian King(Beast) will be broken and destroyed by the return of Jesus Christ!

He is also reinforcing the idea, that WITH AMERICA AND BRITAIN, who are the house of Israel today, this man is RISING UP through our IDOL WORSHIP. And God is with him, to establish him against our nations, to correct us with the Great Tribulation!

And as soon as he gains the European territory, the Great Tribulation begins, and America and British nations, shall come under a NEW WORLD SUPER POWER, and this BEAST will put down the rebellions in our nations, by bringing European armies to our shores, and to restore "order" and "control".

He will look to the world as a SAVIOR.

But brethren, our work will be stopped HERE in America, when he receives power from Satan. Then we will go to Jerusalem.

Perhaps Donald Trump is more like King Cyrus now? Willing to be used by God for a purpose.

But if the Devil enters, and gives him power, will we see a modern NERO? Will we see a union with the Roman Catholic Church?

The unity in the ten European nations will be through Catholicism and the Vatican. The false prophet will have a hand in this.

When this man is given power, and territory over the resurrected Holy Roman Empire, he will become CAESAR, while the Pope will act as Peter.

Now perhaps Mr. Trump will create a vacuum to be filled by such a man. That could be. But God's Word says the man will be doing certain things, and we the United States have been used since WW2, to accomplish part of that prophecy.

Germany, will be one of the ten toes. But we may see a German President, ascend to power, and not only have the United States of America, but a United States of Europe too.

Something to pay attention to, to watch carefully, and to not be caught unawares on. Pray about it, and ask God to reveal to you more information as things happen. Because no one is saying this. As far as I know, I am the only one publicly sharing this.

Believe God's Word! And watch world events, and don't let what limited information you see limit God's Word. God's Word is true and every man a liar. And if anything I have said, in speculation, is wrong, I desire God's correction and to see where God's Word says it. We are closer to the Great tribulation than we think.

So prepare yourself brethren. Get ready spiritually. Fast, pray and Bible Study, and deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ and God the Father. Get closer to the truth revealed through Herbert W Armstrong, and don't let anyone take you away from it.

As we spiritual get ready, the Worldwide Church of God will once again emerge, and go into a place of safety.

We will not go there DIVIDED into multiple arguing groups!!!!

This year we will see some interesting developments in what prophecy is being fulfilled. WATCH AND PRAY ALWAYS