Crackpot Bob, the self-appointed prophet and fearless leader of the improperly named "Continuing" Church of God, has once again blessed the internet with his theological genius. He’s recycled an old sermon outline from the late Jim Rector (via the late Richard Close), because doing something original is never an option, slapped on some extra scriptures for good measure, and declared that his tiny CCOG is basically Gideon’s elite 300-man army. You know, the one that routed a massive enemy horde with nothing but trumpets, broken pitchers, and torches.
Because apparently, when your group is small, scattered, and mostly in Africa while the rest of Christianity carries on without you, the only logical conclusion is that God personally sifted out all the losers so you could be the faithful few with “little strength.” How convenient. How humble. How not at all like every other tiny splinter group that ever claimed the same thing.
Back in the book of Judges, Israel was busy doing what Israel did best: turning away from God, worshiping Baal, and generally acting like they’d never heard of the Ten Commandments. So God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, allowed the Midianites to come in and humble the ever-loving daylights out of them for seven years. Raids, oppression, hiding wheat in winepresses — the full “you done messed up” package. Only after Israel finally cried out did God raise up Gideon, a guy so confident in his own abilities that he was threshing wheat in a winepress out of sheer terror.
God then did the classic divine flex: gathered 32,000 volunteers, immediately said “Too many, they’ll think they did it themselves,” sent home the 22,000 who admitted they were scared, and then whittled the rest down to 300 alert water-lappers who didn’t kneel like they were at a spa day. These 300 then performed the ancient equivalent of a flash mob with noisemakers and flashlights, causing the vastly superior enemy force to freak out and start killing each other.
The whole point? God was humbling Israel through the very attack that brought them low. The oppression wasn’t some random test for a special remnant — it was consequence and correction for national sin. And the victory was 100% God showing off so nobody could brag.
Now, enter Crackpot Bob, stage left, wearing his prophet hat and clutching his “Gideon’s Army: Lessons for Philadelphian Believers!” article like it’s the Dead Sea Scrolls.
According to Crackpot Bob's expanded masterpiece, this is all about his church. The sifting? That’s God lovingly removing the fearful and uncommitted — you know, like all those people who left the old WCG for various reasons that totally weren’t just “fear.” The 300? That’s the tiny, yielded Philadelphian remnant (wink wink, CCOG) who walk by faith, not sight, support the work, and rely on the Spirit instead of big organizations or human strength.
The empty pitchers? Emptied of self, obviously. The torches? The light of Christ shining through Bwana Bob’s followers. The trumpets? Proclaiming the gospel through Crackpot Bob's YouTube channel )when Satan is not picking on Bob) and cogwriter.com posts. The overwhelming odds? Whatever minor inconveniences a small Armstrongist splinter faces in 2026, I suppose.
And the best part? Crackpot Bob helpfully adds that God uses “a handful of truly yielded believers” to accomplish more than entire big corporate churches. Subtle. Very subtle.
In the actual Bible, Israel was being attacked and oppressed specifically to humble them because of their unfaithfulness. The Midianites weren’t some neutral “overwhelming odds” — they were the divine spanking for idolatry.
Crackpot Bob, however, does not appear to have a single humble bone in his entire body. He’s the guy who left another group in self-righteous indignation because THEY refused to change things he wanted changed, started his own group, declared it the most faithful continuation of the Philadelphia era, and now positions his modest operation as God’s hand-picked 300 for the end times. No national sin to repent of. No divine spanking required. Just pure, unfiltered specialness because the Great Bwana had a temper tantrum.
How inspiring. How biblical. How completely backwards.
Gideon himself was reluctant, demanded multiple signs from God, and later turned around and made a golden ephod that became an idol. But sure, let’s model our modern church leadership after that. The story ends with Israel backsliding again anyway. But never mind — the important lesson is clearly that our small group is the chosen one.
Meanwhile, in Crackpot Bob’s telling, the “sifting” just happens to leave his followers as the pure, humble remnant while everyone else is fearful, Laodicean, or compromised. It’s almost as if the entire exercise exists to make one man’s small organization feel cosmically important rather than, you know, actually teaching dependence on God.
The biblical oppression humbled a whole nation that had grown proud and idolatrous. Thiel’s version lets a tiny splinter pat itself on the back for being small while implying everyone else got weeded out by God for lacking faith. One story is about God bringing low the proud. The other is about the proud declaring themselves the humble ones God chose.
Spot the difference? Crackpot Bob doesn't.
So there you have it, folks. Bob Thiel has taken one of the Bible’s clearest examples of God humbling His people through hardship and turned it into a recruitment poster for his itty-bitty church: “We’re small because we’re special. Everyone else left because they were scared. Also, we’re the 300 with the torches now. Please send tithes.”
Never mind that the original story starts with Israel getting its collective butt kicked precisely because they needed humbling. Never mind that the guy promoting this has built an entire identity around being the faithful remnant leader who sees what others don’t. Never mind any of that.
Because in the wonderful world of Crackpot Bobl’s theology, humility isn’t something God has to impose through difficult circumstances. It’s something you declare about yourself while claiming divine special-forces status.
Truly, the man has no humble bone in his body.
If this is what “lessons for Philadelphian believers” looks like in 2026, I can only say: God help us all. Or at least send better biblical analogies. This one’s embarrassing.
Because apparently, when your group is small, scattered, and mostly in Africa while the rest of Christianity carries on without you, the only logical conclusion is that God personally sifted out all the losers so you could be the faithful few with “little strength.” How convenient. How humble. How not at all like every other tiny splinter group that ever claimed the same thing.
Back in the book of Judges, Israel was busy doing what Israel did best: turning away from God, worshiping Baal, and generally acting like they’d never heard of the Ten Commandments. So God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, allowed the Midianites to come in and humble the ever-loving daylights out of them for seven years. Raids, oppression, hiding wheat in winepresses — the full “you done messed up” package. Only after Israel finally cried out did God raise up Gideon, a guy so confident in his own abilities that he was threshing wheat in a winepress out of sheer terror.
God then did the classic divine flex: gathered 32,000 volunteers, immediately said “Too many, they’ll think they did it themselves,” sent home the 22,000 who admitted they were scared, and then whittled the rest down to 300 alert water-lappers who didn’t kneel like they were at a spa day. These 300 then performed the ancient equivalent of a flash mob with noisemakers and flashlights, causing the vastly superior enemy force to freak out and start killing each other.
The whole point? God was humbling Israel through the very attack that brought them low. The oppression wasn’t some random test for a special remnant — it was consequence and correction for national sin. And the victory was 100% God showing off so nobody could brag.
Now, enter Crackpot Bob, stage left, wearing his prophet hat and clutching his “Gideon’s Army: Lessons for Philadelphian Believers!” article like it’s the Dead Sea Scrolls.
According to Crackpot Bob's expanded masterpiece, this is all about his church. The sifting? That’s God lovingly removing the fearful and uncommitted — you know, like all those people who left the old WCG for various reasons that totally weren’t just “fear.” The 300? That’s the tiny, yielded Philadelphian remnant (wink wink, CCOG) who walk by faith, not sight, support the work, and rely on the Spirit instead of big organizations or human strength.
The empty pitchers? Emptied of self, obviously. The torches? The light of Christ shining through Bwana Bob’s followers. The trumpets? Proclaiming the gospel through Crackpot Bob's YouTube channel )when Satan is not picking on Bob) and cogwriter.com posts. The overwhelming odds? Whatever minor inconveniences a small Armstrongist splinter faces in 2026, I suppose.
And the best part? Crackpot Bob helpfully adds that God uses “a handful of truly yielded believers” to accomplish more than entire big corporate churches. Subtle. Very subtle.
In the actual Bible, Israel was being attacked and oppressed specifically to humble them because of their unfaithfulness. The Midianites weren’t some neutral “overwhelming odds” — they were the divine spanking for idolatry.
Crackpot Bob, however, does not appear to have a single humble bone in his entire body. He’s the guy who left another group in self-righteous indignation because THEY refused to change things he wanted changed, started his own group, declared it the most faithful continuation of the Philadelphia era, and now positions his modest operation as God’s hand-picked 300 for the end times. No national sin to repent of. No divine spanking required. Just pure, unfiltered specialness because the Great Bwana had a temper tantrum.
How inspiring. How biblical. How completely backwards.
Gideon himself was reluctant, demanded multiple signs from God, and later turned around and made a golden ephod that became an idol. But sure, let’s model our modern church leadership after that. The story ends with Israel backsliding again anyway. But never mind — the important lesson is clearly that our small group is the chosen one.
Meanwhile, in Crackpot Bob’s telling, the “sifting” just happens to leave his followers as the pure, humble remnant while everyone else is fearful, Laodicean, or compromised. It’s almost as if the entire exercise exists to make one man’s small organization feel cosmically important rather than, you know, actually teaching dependence on God.
The biblical oppression humbled a whole nation that had grown proud and idolatrous. Thiel’s version lets a tiny splinter pat itself on the back for being small while implying everyone else got weeded out by God for lacking faith. One story is about God bringing low the proud. The other is about the proud declaring themselves the humble ones God chose.
Spot the difference? Crackpot Bob doesn't.
So there you have it, folks. Bob Thiel has taken one of the Bible’s clearest examples of God humbling His people through hardship and turned it into a recruitment poster for his itty-bitty church: “We’re small because we’re special. Everyone else left because they were scared. Also, we’re the 300 with the torches now. Please send tithes.”
Never mind that the original story starts with Israel getting its collective butt kicked precisely because they needed humbling. Never mind that the guy promoting this has built an entire identity around being the faithful remnant leader who sees what others don’t. Never mind any of that.
Because in the wonderful world of Crackpot Bobl’s theology, humility isn’t something God has to impose through difficult circumstances. It’s something you declare about yourself while claiming divine special-forces status.
Truly, the man has no humble bone in his body.
If this is what “lessons for Philadelphian believers” looks like in 2026, I can only say: God help us all. Or at least send better biblical analogies. This one’s embarrassing.
