Dining With
The Devil
One of the arrogant beliefs that religious people who evangelize hold,
regardless of their religious persuasion, is that everyone ought to want what
they want. Everyone ought to want what they believe their god is selling. Those
who don't are considered deceived or evil, not necessarily because they've done
anything "wrong," but simply because it's a wide world, and not
everyone in the world likes the same things, wants the same things, or has the
same needs. If you ask them, this is definitely a bad thing.
It's like going to the grocery store, and instead of having thousands of
different items for differing tastes, they only sell milk. The reason why this
grocer only sells milk is because he believes that milk is the best food in the
world. Babies can live exclusively on milk, because it has everything the body
needs. Besides this, you can tell if milk is good or bad just by smelling it.
If it's sweet and delicious, then you know it's pure. Why risk eating or drinking
anything else? This is far from being completely true, but that's irrelevant,
because this grocer believes it so completely that no one can persuade him
otherwise.
Within the narrow mind of this grocer, if anyone's diet consists of anything
other that what he's selling, you're not only courting disaster, but are slowly
committing suicide. Even if your diet consisted mostly of milk, if any other
worldly nourishment were to pass your lips besides milk (specifically HIS milk,
of course), then you are cheating on god, flirting with the world, and dining
with the devil.
Maybe, however, let's say you happened to be lactose intolerant, and you don't
do so well with milk at all, so you don't buy from this grocer's limited
offerings. Far-fetched, I know, but bear with me for a moment. Because of this,
he becomes offended. "My milk is as good as any milk in the world,"
he reasons, "so there must be something wrong with YOU!" (There is,
it's called lactose intolerance, but this is not what he meant.)
"Fine," he says, as he writes you off to suffer what he believes will
be a slow and agonizing death, "go for a swim in the chaos and confusion
of the bazaars, the farmer's markets, and meat markets of the world, where you
will find every sort filth, disease, and contamination. When you're upon
death's door with pestilence, you'll come back to me, desiring the pure, sweet
milk that alone brings health and life!" In his mind you'll be off
carousing in every wretched hive of scum and villainy, filling your wanton
belly with nothing but spinach contaminated with E.coli, fish loaded with toxic
mercury, beef with mad cow disease, and the list goes on and on.
"You have to understand" he preaches incessantly, "that mankind
was created with an evil appetite. Proverbs 21:23 says, 'Whoso keepeth his
mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.'" It sounds so
reasonable at first, the way he misquotes scripture. "James 3:6, 'And the
tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that
it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is
set on fire of hell!’ The righteous man will not yield to the pleasures of the
tongue and the tempting flavors of the world. Sweet, salty, and sour: they all
lead to bitterness in end! With no end of greasy chips and turkish delight, the
devil will always be more than happy to supply you. These are all evils of the
world, of which we must not be partakers. Garlic, spice, and savory all make
god's stomach curdle! The righteous man is repulsed by even the smell, limiting
himself to just the pure, unadulterated milk. Why, they even take the wholesome
milk and corrupt it to become cottage cheese, yogurt, and sour cream!"
(Heavens!)
If you get right down to it, religion invariably results in some form of
aceticism. To religious people, in one way or another, living a boring life is
equated to purity and therefore righteousness. Leading a life denying oneself
of this, that, and the other thing, not because something bad will happen, but
merely because a single verse in a holy book written thousands of years ago,
from another culture, in another language, could somehow be construed to
prohibit these things. A life lived in strict adherence to such a theory will
not make you better off. At best, it makes you crazy, stupid, or both.
How come our supermarkets are filled with so much variety and choice? It's
because different people need different things and have appetites for different
things, and that is okay. Variety is the spice of life and eating the same
thing all the time is boring. In the supermarket, nobody judges you for what
you like, or for what you don't like, or forces you to eat things you're
allergic to. Why should they do this in religion?
I am not lactose intolerant, but if I were, this fictional mad grocer would
condemn me to the char-broiling fires and red-hot barbecue sauce of Satan's Rib
Shack. Promise? Mmm. That's the kind of evil I have an appetite for. Not to say
that we can't overdo it. Too many meals of greasy burgers, fries and soda pop
can damage your health, but then I don't want that for every meal any more than
I would want to go on a milk-fast diet. But once in a while some spicy barbecue
ribs, a greasy burger and fries, and yes, even some milk, isn't going to kill
you. Also, I suspect that the reason why this grocer is so hard on everyone is
because he's going bankrupt, and this is how he keeps his little milk shop afloat.
What he doesn't realize is that his business is failing because he isn't
providing what people need. Trouble is, browbeating others with guilt-trips and
imaginary virtues isn't a real solution to his financial woes.
Religious people think that everyone else in the world should want the culture
they're comfortable with, the lifestyle they're leading, and the concepts of
virtue and heaven that they've embraced. If you don't there must be something
wrong with YOU! After all, it's only a matter of time until god forces the same
thing down everyone's throat anyway, right? According to these people, god is going
to assimilate us all, forcing us to all be yellow pencils in a yellow pencil
heaven. If “heaven” were to wind up being anything like the churches, the only
thing to eat there will be one-menu-fits-all cafeteria food, but we’ll be told
that it’s five star cuisine.
I find most christian ideas about what heaven is going to be
like are claustrophobic and generally contrary to rest of their supposed
values. Invariably, the early-adopter always believes he will be the most
important yellow pencil in the box. They're merely willing to be passive in the
short term in exchange for the right to lord it over everyone else for the rest
of eternity. The more devout religious people are, the more layers of
self-deception they have. They haven't got a clue how to get a clue about what
even their own values really are. No thanks, I've lost the patience to play such
games and the desire to believe in such schemes. I don't want any part of that.
You can't make me believe I should want it.
But this “package deal” is the only product on the shelf of their
"supermarket." There are many other marketplaces and bazaars in the
world, too. There are other cultures and other ways of living. There are other
churches, other religions, and even the religion of no religion at all! Yes,
it's true, those other markets have lots of shelves with lots of different
products on them, just like a real supermarket does. But within the narrow,
religious mind, choice is equated to confusion and chaos, and this makes a
supermarket little more than a den of iniquity. To be clear, I am not espousing
a new cultural revolution of sex, drugs, and rock & roll. What I am saying
is that the Pilgrims came to America seeking religious freedom, which is a
freedom that many religious people in America today do not want others to seek,
especially not those in Armstrongist cults.
Maybe I don't want the one and only product that Armstrongism is selling. I
don't need that religion, lifestyle, and afterlifestyle. In many ways, it never
worked for me. Maybe I actually have an allergy to it. Maybe your kool-aid, er,
I meant, milk, is contaminated with E.coli. Whatever the problem, it's been
making me sick. There's a lot of people who can't understand that because their
minds are too narrow. The truth is, not everyone wants the same things or has
the same needs. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hankering for some spicy
barbecue ribs.
Andrew
