How NOT to give a Sermon
This is Bob's Sermon Outline.
Is studying acting acceptable for Christians?Will animals, like wolves and lions, remain carnivores?Does Ezekiel 13 warn against false prophets?Should you be baptized for the dead?What are Bible marginal references?Should you follow people like Edgar Cayce?How do you calculate a tithe?What is second tithe?What is third tithe?What is the ‘tithe of the tithe’?When do you start a third tithe year?Did Adam first marry Lilith?What are the fasts of Zechariah 8:19?How is God jealous in Exodus 20:5?Can women hold outside jobs?What is kosher?Would Jesus vote?Should Christians vote?Dr. Thiel goes through scriptures, facts, COG documents, and historical information to provide answers.
Let's edit this just a tad.
Is studying acting acceptable for Christians?
Will animals, like wolves and lions, remain carnivores?
Does Ezekiel 13 warn against false prophets?
Should you be baptized for the dead?
What are Bible marginal references?
Should you follow people like Edgar Cayce?
How do you calculate a tithe?
What is second tithe?
What is third tithe?
What is the ‘tithe of the tithe’?
When do you start a third tithe year?
Did Adam first marry Lilith?
What are the fasts of Zechariah 8:19?
How is God jealous in Exodus 20:5?
Can women hold outside jobs?
What is kosher?
Would Jesus vote?
Should Christians vote?
Dr. Thiel goes through scriptures, facts, COG documents, and historical information to provide answers.
There.
Now we have a sermon topic which will be entitled "Is Studying acting acceptable for Christians". This will thus be the topic of the Sermon. The Sermon length should conclude in 20 minutes. However, being a COG, where long sermons are the norm, let's be generous and, because of the obvious novice level of the speaker, let's expand it to 30 minutes. But before we do this, let's think this over just a bit.
1. HOW MANY MEMBERS ARE ACTIVELY CONSIDERING GOING TO COLLEGE TO STUDY ACTING?
2. HOW MANY MEMBERS AFTER CONSIDERING GOING TO COLLEGE TO STUDY ACTING CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD TO GO TO COLLEGE TO STUDY ACTING?
3. IS THE SERMON TOPIC ABOUT STUDYING ACTING SOMETHING THAT WILL BENEFIT THE CONGREGATION AS A WHOLE, OR IS THIS BETTER HANDLED AS A PERSONAL COUNSEL?
4. DOES ANYBODY IN YOUR CONGREGATION HAVE ANY CONCERN ABOUT THIS TOPIC?
5. WHY?
6. AGAIN, WHY?
7. WHO IN AFRICA OR IN THE GENERAL MEMBERSHIP HAS THE TIME TO DO SO?
8. AGAIN, PLEASE, FOR THE REASON OF LOGIC - WHY?!
If there is a logical need for this message as a whole to benefit the whole church body (which there is not), let us proceed then with structuring the message properly. For the sake of humoring the topic, let's just go with this.
We will now need to outline this 30 minute sermon using the following format:
1. Introduction (used to engage the audience. Use some humor and pose an interesting question for engagement).
This should be 4-5 minutes or less. Here's some ideas:
"Many of you this morning have probably risen from bed this morning with quite the urge to go to Hollywood." Wait, no, I don't really think this will work, as the answer to this is none. Sorry about that. Let's switch gears.
"Have you ever wanted to be someone famous? Like Sylvester Stalone, or (insert actor here, here...) Have you ever seriously considered going to school to study acting?" It's a start, but it's a non-starter honestly because this is an un-relatable subject to the majority of the audience. It is better handled with personal counsel one on one, not as a full sermon subject. How did we even get on this subject in the first place? Oh yeah, we had to cancel out all the other subjects and just go with the first one to try to make a cohesive sermon! That's right! And we ended up with a sermon topic on studying acting which 95% of the audience simply does not care about!!!!!!. Right.
But since we know none of this will matter, let's continue to the second point.
2. Discuss what acting is. (This should be 5 minutes or less. Be to the point, on target, and be referenced.)
This should be easy. It need not be a long-winded, pointless diatribe about the history of acting, or the pagan origins of acting, or bouncing around to everything about acting that is unchristian or evil. Succinct, simple, and short. And most of all, REFERENCED.
3. Scripture reading. (Use scripture(s) (no more than 2 or 3 at most) to support your position. This should again, take about 3 to 5 minutes.)
Find a scripture to support your position on why STUDYING acting is wrong. Not ACTUALLY acting, but STUDYING acting. If you were to give a sermon on ACTING, that would be a whole different message. This one is about STUDYING acting, and why STUDYING acting is wrong. Once you find your scripture on why STUDYING acting is wrong...
***Crickets****
***more crickets****
then we can go to the next point.
4. Expound on Scripture, explain the position (Why not study acting), overcome any possible objections, prove your point. (3 to 5 minutes.)
This may prove to be difficult, based on the success of point 3.
Pretending that point 4 was successful, let's move on to point 5.
5. Re-Engage the audience, tie-back to the introduction, prove the point. (3 to 5 minutes)
6. Conclude the Message. (3 to 5 minutes.)
Let's pretend that the message outline is completed properly. Now let's give it a chance to actually be a Sermon.
In the message:
Use a little humor if needed.
Use vocal inflection. Don't be monotone.
Be natural. Avoid stiff and awkward gestures.
Don't sniff.
Make sure the scriptures back up the message.
Avoid crooked bookcases. They are distracting.
Avoid ragged curtains. They are distracting.
Relate to the audience. Use real-world examples.
Be fluid. Don't jump all over the place. The Sermon should flow, not jump waves like a new surfer.
Stay ON TOPIC.
Make the message memorable.
This is a completely free public service lesson.
There's no charge.
There's no follow-back.
There!
