Those who have been members of God’s Church for any length of time can relate to the following scenario: you are sitting in Sabbath services, listening to a sermonette, announcements or sermon. You are mindful of the importance of the time spent in God’s “classroom” each week, so you strive to listen carefully to the speaker (whether live or on CD) and take notes.
But, as you listen, you are challenged by the need to “tune out” a child who is talking, crying or otherwise making noise. Have you ever found yourself in this situation? If you are a parent, has your child ever been the source of noise during services?
Others in the Church, especially those who date back to the days of larger congregations in nearly every major and medium-sized city, may recall more serious disruptions on the Sabbath, even vandalism. Parents sometimes allowed children to leave services unaccompanied for a “restroom break”—who would then wreak havoc. This created friction with the owners or custodians of rented halls.
Do your children reflect a different standard of behavior from their peers, just as we should? And have they learned to behave during the time it matters most—at Sabbath services?Heaven help any poor member who's child disrupts Daves sermons! This is almost on par with the unpardonable sin!
God holds parents accountable for how well they perform their duties in this most important stewardship: the development of future god-beings.
Within the government of the Church, the ministry holds parents accountable for their children’s behavior, just as God holds His ministers responsible for maintaining decency and order among His people (I Cor. 14:40). Negligence on the part of anyone in this chain can lead to serious consequences. Incidents of vandalism can lead to a congregation being evicted from a facility, which not only presents a major problem for the brethren and ministry, but also stains the reputation of the Church.
While children possess a certain innocence, many parents tend to think their children can do no wrong. Fathers and mothers look on them as extensions of themselves, which is natural. But the human tendency to justify the self is often transferred to your children’s actions as well.
God’s people should have a deeper understanding of human nature than those outside the Church. Scriptures such as Jeremiah 17:9 and Romans 8:7 describe the hearts that are in all human beings, including little ones.
Years ago, a news story confirmed what wise parents already knew: “Babies aren’t as innocent as they look, according to…research out of the United Kingdom. Sweet little infants actually learn to deceive before they can talk, says University of Portsmouth psychology department head Vasudevi Reddy in a study that challenges traditional notions of innocence while confirming many parents’ suspicions about their sneaky babies.
“Most psychologists have believed that children cannot really lie until about four years of age. But after dozens of interviews with parents, and years spent observing children, Dr. Reddy has determined that infants as young as seven months are quite skilled at pulling the wool over their parents’ eyes.
“Long before children can understand complex ideas about truth and deception…‘they are engaging in subtle manipulations of their own and others’ actions, which succeed in deceiving others at least temporarily.’
“There was the 11-month-old who, caught in the act of reaching for the forbidden soil of a house plant, quickly turned his outstretched hand into a wave, his mother reported to Dr. Reddy, ‘as though he was saying, “Oh, I wasn’t really going to touch the soil, Mom, I was waving at you.”’
“Fake crying is another trick babies learn early on to get attention, Dr. Reddy says. The researcher defines ‘fake’ crying as being more calculated than the usual ‘I’m tired/hungry/wet/hurt/lonely’ cries” (The Globe and Mail).
Keep this reality in mind when working with your sons and daughters!
The ministry strives to err on the side of mercy. But unless there has been a major misunderstanding of events involved, it is not productive to defend your child if he or she makes a mistake—which will happen. And parents should not take this personally. All children find their way into mischief by nature: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15).The church inwardly knows that many of their teachings on child-rearing are not right, otherwise they would not caution parents to be careful when and how they discipline.
The proverb above leads to a central point: your children’s conduct on the Sabbath reflects how well you are training, correcting and disciplining them during the other six days of the week. What you sow on a daily basis, in terms of time spent teaching, will be reaped during the weekly commanded assembly.
It is crucial for parents to “practice” services at home. Strive to reproduce the Sabbath environment—sit your child at your feet, play a recorded sermon if possible, etc. Your instruction to them should be to be quiet and stay put, and violations of these rules should bring swift punishment—severe enough to make an impression and teach obedience.
(A note regarding physical discipline: be very cautious and discreet when in public places, such as hotels and meeting halls. Discipline should always be administered in private! Be aware of the laws regarding spanking in the state or country in which you live, and also at the location of your Feast site.)The church used to have "spanking tents" at Feast sites, at least those in the U.S. did. Disruptive children were to be taken there and spanked. Usually with a paddle, and certainly more than 5-10 swats. This tent was usually filled with screaming kids and angry parents. This only lasted a few years until people went to the press in the Pocono's with news of the horrific things going on in the tents. They immediately disappeared.
Here is what is expected of children at services:
- Children must learn to play, read, draw or color quietly, and stay close to their parents. School-age children should gradually learn to pay attention and, eventually, take notes.
- Crying or fussing babies and toddlers should be immediately taken out of the room where services are held, and quieted elsewhere, so they do not unduly disrupt the proceedings. A child’s behavior, however, must not be allowed to cause a parent to miss large portions of the service.
- Children should not be unruly and should show respect for others, and the property of others, at all times. (This applies whether the congregation meets in a hall or at a host’s home.)
- Little ones should never be left unattended before, during or after services. (This does not mean that parents must continually hover over them, but at least one parent should be aware of what they are doing and supervise from a distance.)
- Any child under 12 years of age should be accompanied to restrooms by a parent. Any bathroom stops during services should be rare. Make it a habit to address this need beforehand.
- While it is fine for children to play together before and after services, they should not be loud and boisterous.
- Children must never run while at services, or engage in rough horseplay.
