Crackpot Bob Sends Underling To Malawi To Find Out Why No One Showed Up For The Feast This Year

 

God’s most exquisitely favored prophet is having an absolute meltdown over his stubbornly rebellious African followers, who keep voting with their feet and walking away from his certified premium-grade nonsense. After precisely zero souls bothered to show up at his Malawi Feast site (awkward!), he’s now been forced to send poor Evans Ochieng on a desperate reconnaissance mission to figure out why everyone suddenly has better things to do.

Naturally, in a few days we’ll all be blessed with radiant, glowing reports sent back to the Big Bwana assuring us that the Malawian brethren have never been more loyal (truly, their devotion has reached previously undreamt-of heights). And really, what else could we possibly expect when Bwana Bob’s devoted lap poodles are still furiously slobbering over-the-top superlatives about how staggeringly magnificent the Bobist Ministry supposedly is in Africa?

Shocking. Truly shocking.

Karl Kolchek reporting on the ground in Africa 

Just in: this Wednesday, the Crackpot Prophet sent his head, Witchdoctor Evans Ochieng, to Malawi to prove the CCOG Malawi still exists there, as virtually no one showed up for the Feast 2025 this year. 

 

Radson Mulowzoa was made a fool of as he only had around 50 or 60 people from Malawi-Mozambique come to his Migowi Hall. It was reported to be a disaster as the people there were not even fed properly for the few days they spent there. Living on dried cassava root, Radson left them high-n-dry. 

 

Radson was too embarrassed to even send Dr Pastor Bob Thiel pictures, as he couldn't produce the thousands that the CCOG Thiel claims are there. Sadly, Dr Pastor Bob will believe what Evans and Radson tell him, even without proof. 

 

It has also been reported that Sosten L., Thiel's trump card with so-called thousands, has left CCOG as he can't stand Radson's treatment and treachery. He's now working with an Australian Church of God. Oh my, what will Bobby do now? The witchdoctors aren't being paid enough to spread the spells and deception to cover Evans and Radsons' fake reports. 

 

Fake dreams. 

 

Fake numbers of members. 

 

Bob, you've been conned Big Time. 

Word has just arrived that Ochieng is on the ground in Malawi as we post this. Should we start a countdown clock for the soon-to-be slobberfest? 

 

Fleeing in the Night: Roberta’s Harrowing Childhood Inside the WCG and Her Journey to Healing

 

Roberta was born into a nightmare—and raised in the Worldwide Church of God, a religious group with deep cultic control. In this raw, unfiltered interview, she recounts her earliest memories of violence and terror inside both her home and the WCG environment. From surviving extreme family abuse and escaping into the woods with her mother and siblings, to experiencing racism as a young mother and eventually finding healing through contemplation and therapy—Roberta’s journey is a powerful testament to survival, rebellion, and renewal. This is a story for anyone who has faced religious trauma, spiritual abuse, racism in faith communities, or family systems rooted in control and silence. Through the pain, there’s a message of hope, healing, and transformation. Watch as Roberta shares what it meant to reclaim her voice after decades of silence. 👇 If this story resonates, please like, comment, and share. 🔔 Subscribe for more survivor stories and cult recovery conversations. 👍 Like, Subscribe, & Hit the Bell to support our work! Join this channel to get access to perks like Behind-the-Scenes footage and :    / @apostatesisters   Support the Sisters’ work on Patreon: patreon.com/ApostateSisters 📢 Follow Us on Social Media: Instagram:   / apostatesisters   Tiktok:   / apostatesisters   Facebook:   / apostatesisters   BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/apostatesist... Disclaimer: This episode may contain irreverent, personal, and critical discussion of religion, culture, and systems of control. Some material may be sensitive or challenging. Humor and bluntness are part of emotional procession and social critique. Opinions shared are personal and not attacks on individuals. We support curiosity, compassion, and the right to question systems that control our lives.

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ApostateSisters

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Dave Pack On The Wisest Woman In Wadsworth

 

Crackpot Prophet: It Got Hot In Israel The Other Day - A Sure Sign Of The End Times! Oh Noes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God's most highly favored prophet to the Churches of God really got hot under the collar the other day, freaking out over a tiny little heat wave in Israel and immediately interpreting it as a surefire sign of the end times. Crackpot Bwana Bob fails to realize that Jerusalem and most of Israel sit on the same latitude lines as Los Angeles and the West Coast of California. Israel boasts a Mediterranean environment just like Central and Southern California do. Heck, we even share a ton of the same plants and crops as Israel.

Just as we endure heat waves here in Southern California during this time of year, Israel does too. It's nothing for us to hit 80-90°F while the rest of the country is freezing its butt off. Shush! Don't let our resident crackpot prophet in on this little secret!

Israel, just like the United States, has its fair share of crackpot rabbis and religious teachers—much like how the US and the Churches of God are blessed with crackpot prophets and assorted crazy religious nutcases.

God's most highly favored Crackpot Prophet scours the depths of the internet long and hard to unearth weird news that sends his brain into wild hysterics, usually over total nothingburgers.

This time, he quoted some nutjob from Israel365News, where a religious fanatic was losing it over a recent heatwave in Israel that had people flocking to the beaches. This loon equated the heat to Bible prophecy, and Crackpot Bob started slobbering in ecstasy.

The Israel Meteorological Service reported that Friday marked the single hottest late November day in Israel’s 77-year history as a nation. The heat wave persisted through the weekend, with temperatures across the country running 10°C (18°F) above seasonal averages. … 

The Bible repeatedly uses natural phenomena—drought, abundance, storm, and calm—as instruments of divine communication. When the expected patterns shift, when the seasons themselves seem confused, it demands attention. … 

Heat waves are hinted at in Isaiah as part of a Messiah-age healing process: 

And the light of the moon shall become like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun shall become sevenfold, like the light of the seven days, when Hashem binds up His people’s wounds and heals the injuries it has suffered. Isaiah 30:26 … 

Conversely, the Talmud in Nedarim 8b describes a form of global warming as a punishment, … Reish Lakish states: “In the future (in messianic times) there will be no Gehennom. Rather, God will remove the sun from its sheath; the righteous will be cured by it, and the wicked will be judged by it.” Pre-Messiah Heat Wave Shatters Israel’s 83-Year Temperature Records

This caused Bwana Bob to chime in with:

Yes, God does send messages using weather. These weather issues should serve as a wake-up call. The Bible is clear that God controls the weather and various calamities, but wants people to heed His prophets:

6… If there is calamity in a city, will not the Lord have done it? 7 Surely the Lord God does nothing, Unless He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets. (Amos 3:6-7) The Bible tells of weather-related blessings for obedience and weather-related curses for disobedience. 

Weather is not as random as many people seem to want to believe.

And he keeps going with this gem:

8 Then the fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and power was given to him to scorch men with fire. 9 And men were scorched with great heat, and they blasphemed the name of God who has power over these plagues; and they did not repent and give Him glory. (Revelation 16:8-9) 

But, the above prophecy is for several years into the future–we are not too near that yet. But I believe that this will happen in the 21st century. 

The Bible shows:

30 God … commands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30 And weather problems are one tool that God uses to urge people to repent (cf. Haggai 2:17; Amos 4:7-12). But most will not. Nor will most Christians as they should (cf. Revelation 3:14-18).

Now, if everyone would just repent and join the one true Philadelphian Church of God, they could all flee to Petra at the correct time and spend 3½ years of eternal bliss listening to Bwana Bob preach in the great amphitheaters of Petra. Oh, joy!