Crackpot Prophet: You May Be A Laodicean If You Believe Any Of These Things

 

One thing that's always been painfully obvious about Armstrongism is how it struts around like the divinely anointed king of the Christian hill, smugly lording its "superiority" over all those poor, deluded, Sunday-keeping heathens who dare call themselves believers. It gets even worse for members—if you're a hapless Church of God member who commits the unforgivable sin of having a doubt or—perish the thought!—asking a perfectly reasonable question, you're immediately excommunicated as a filthy, backsliding traitor, a worthless pile of spiritual garbage utterly unfit to bask in the glory of the One True Faith. That makes you a Laodicean!

That's exactly why "Laodicean" became the ultimate scare-tactic buzzword, swung around like a flaming sword to terrify the sheep into lockstep obedience and keep everyone nicely controlled in their little pen of fear.

Just today (or whenever the Great Bwana deigns to drop his latest revelation), the self-anointed, His Magnificance, the Great Bwana Bob Thiel—dream-certified prophet extraordinaire, apostle, chief overseer, and undisputed Great Bwana, sovereign lord of all legitimate spiritual insight, prophecy, and double-blessed dreams—has bestowed upon us a video featuring one of his devoted acolytes. This loyal minion piously warns the trembling faithful to steer clear of any dreaded Laodicean "characteristics" listed below. Because, clearly, if you're one of those pathetic, lukewarm backsliders who dares to believe any of these so irrelevant notions, you're basically spitting in the face of Bob Thiel's divine appointment. How dare you refuse to bow down and acknowledge him as the infallible fountainhead of all truth? That is literally what this all boils down to. People not acknowledging Bob and his church as correct.

The audacity! 

Repent, or face the wrath of the one true end-time overseer!

55 things Laodicean backsliders may believe

(I removed the names of the various COGs he attached ot each accusation below, 

and it highlights the complete absurdity of this list.)

Many COG groups do not officially teach and/or do not believe in the idea of Church eras

Many COG groups do not believe that the Gospel of the Kingdom of God still needs to be preached to the world as a witness per Matthew 24:14 , do not really make that a high priority, or do so in less than truly loving the truth, hence do not have the real Philadelphian work. As only the Philadelphians are promised to be protected from the hour of trial that will come on the whole world, they will not understand when Matthew 24:14 is fulfilled or when to flee per Matthew 24:15. Hence they do not have or lead the Philadelphian work. Only the Philadelphians are promised to be protected from the hour of trial that will come on the whole world

At least three groups misunderstand the Gospel and COG doctrines so much that I question if their top leaders are actually converted members of the COG. The leaders of those groups have had major predictions be proven false.

Many, if not most, COG groups do not realize that the Great Tribulation begins with the King of the North invading the USA. UK, and/or their Anglo-Saxon descended allies

Many COG groups misunderstand the identity of the King of the South (Daniel 11:40-43),

Some teach that there is no biblically-required King of the South

Some have insisted that the final King of the South will be from the nation of Ethiopia. This is partially based upon a mistranslation in the KJV version of the Bible as well as a position that the late Herbert Armstrong once held. However, he changed his position in the 1960s and 1970s to an Arabic-Muslim confederation.

Several COG groups clearly misunderstand Daniel 9:27, the second half of which ties in with Daniel 11:31 and Jesus’ words in Matthew 24:15. Those who misunderstand it will not have a proper pre-warning of what is happening nor likely know when the Great Tribulation will begin

Various COG groups have so many areas of undefined prophecy that they will not know what certain events will mean

A couple of groups, have been repeatedly proven wrong about their dates for the start of the Great Tribulation and the return of Jesus Christ. Those who rely on the leaders of those groups really do not understand biblical prophecy.

Certain groups teach improper interpretations of the 1335, 1290, and 1260 days of Daniel 12 or have other problems with that that they will not understand when the Great Tribulation will start.

Most COG groups fail to understand Habakkuk 2:2-8 and hence are not properly getting the warning out to the USA and UK

At least one group (LCG) is no longer certain that France or certain other Israelitish nations will support the Beast power

Many COG groups have various ‘Elijah heresies’

Some think that either there is no Elijah to come

Some independents and some groups insist that the late Herbert W. Armstrong was the final ‘Elijah to come’ despite the fact that he has been dead since 1986, and that death disqualifies him according to his writing about that

Leaders of at least two groups who once insisted publicly that Herbert Armstrong must be the final Elijah, now falsely claim that they hold that role.

At least one group has confused the final Elijah with the return of Jesus

Many groups do not understand the differing persecutions (and other matters) to come in Daniel 7:25, 11:30-39, Matthew 24:9-22, and Revelation 12:14-17, hence when the prophesied wave of persecution initially hits the Philadelphians primarily (and not them), they will not see this persecution as evidence that the Great Tribulation is about to begin.

Most groups that came out of groups once led by the late Garner Ted Armstrong do not seem to teach that there is a physical place of safety (despite what Revelation 12:14-16 teaches), hence they will not be inclined to flee towards one just prior to the start of the Great Tribulation

One CG7 group has the place of safety as the 'sea of glass' and before the Bible says Christians will be there.

Most ‘independents’ do not believe that they need to ‘gather together’ prior to the time to flee despite what Zephaniah 2:1-3 teaches, hence it is not likely they will be inclined to flee together when a group they are not part of does just prior to the start of the Great Tribulation

At least one group misunderstands the final Prince of Rosh. Those who insist on a pre-return of Jesus Christ for the fulfillment of Ezekiel 38 will be disappointed as that is in scriptural error

At least one COG group basically teaches that most of the events of Revelation have already taken place and no one needs to be concerned about coming persecution as none supposedly is coming

At least one COG group erroneously believes that the abomination of desolation of Daniel 11:31 occurs after the King of the North invades the King of the SouthAt least one group totally misunderstands various prophecies in Haggai and Zechariah and have expected a type of COG reunification that is not prophesied. Those who rely on this and other misinterpretations will not know when the Great Tribulation will begin.

At least one group erroneously teaches that the ‘Falling Away’ warned about in 2 Thessalonians 2 has mainly to do with the world and Protestants and not the Church of God

Some groups teach that the man of sin who sits in the temple of God (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4) is the Antichrist/false prophet, not the Beast of the Sea. Yet, it is this Beast of the Sea, the final King of the North (Daniel 11:35-36). So, when this happens, those who hold to the wrong position will not understand its prophetic ramifications. The Beast identity of the ‘son of perdition’ (cf. Revelation 17:7-11) is important to understand in the end times.

At least two groups teach that the ‘man of sin’ is (or could be) Joseph Tkach, Jr.

At least one group has improperly declared Satan will enter a COG leader to make him the man of sin

A few teach that a Jewish temple in Jerusalem must be rebuilt before Jesus returns

At least two groups teach that the Beast power will consist of 10 or 11 current nations in the European Union

Some groups teach that the ten kings are to be in charge of ten regions around the world as opposed to being a primarily European power

None of the Laodicean or Sardis COGs seem to teach that the "strongest fortresses" in Daniel 11:39 refers to the USA--but it does

At least two groups seem to teach that the first verse in the Daniel 11 sequence relating to the beginning of the Great Tribulation is Daniel 11:40

The leader of at least one former group has claimed that the Great Tribulation could begin within a year for the last dozen or so years.

One group (CGF, a PCG split) claimed that the Great Tribulation would begin in 2023--but that was too early

At least one group has publicly claimed that God has no prophets today and will not have any until the two witnesses are empowered.

At least one group teaches that the Beast power is not European.

At least one group teaches that the European Union will collapse like the old Roman Empire.

One group erroneously teaches that Vladimir Putin is the Prince of Rosh of Ezekiel 38

One group taught that Hillary Clinton would be President of the United States by now; whereas one strongly asserted that Donald Trump would remain in office and Joe Biden would not assume office.

One group erroneously taught that half of the Laodiceans would die before April 30, 2021

At least two groups assert that the three angels of Revelation 14 are (or may be) humans, not angels

Two groups have falsely asserted that the restrainer in 2 Thessalonians 2:6-7 was Herbert W. Armstrong.

At least two groups have taught that a US president is the King of the North or could be the Antichrist.

Many groups do not teach much about prophecy

Although one group was told in 2004 that Daniel 11:30 involved the USA having a naval confrontation with Europe, it does not teach it.

Many groups wrongly assert that Benito Mussolini was the sixth king of Revelation 17:10 that "is," but that was too long ago

Nearly all COG groups and independents do not accept that God has been fulfilling prophecies of Acts 2:17-18

Laodicean groups often say the end is near, but do not have a history of explaining when each of the first three seals of Revelation 6 may have been opened, or at least an ante-type of those has been happening.

One group has published, without retraction, that Russia is/may be one of the two legs of Nebuchadnezzar's vision.

One group has published that Ukraine may be the leading nuclear force against Europe. Ukraine, however, has no nuclear weapons

Most groups have no teaching about Iran and Isaiah 22:6-9 or teach wrongly about it, hence this is another area that are lacking knowledge in

Most groups do not teach that Gaza will end up with terrritory that Israel now dominates

Samuel Kitchen Warns Aaron Dean That He Needs To Stop Delivering The Flock To Satan!

 

Samuel is losing patience with Aaron Dean! How dare he remain in the United Church of God instead of returning to the One True Church™? Clearly, the poor man needs to drop to his knees, repent dramatically, pray to God, and exorcise those pesky demons that are cruelly preventing him from his vital ministry uniting the lost sheep together into the Samuelite WCG. 
I think it's high time for a restraining order! This nonsense is going to lead to something really bad before long.

I wrote this to Mr. Aaron K Dean.

Please pray for him and for all the ministry to be restored.

Hello Mr Dean,

“For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal?” (1 Corinthians 3:3-4)

Is not the apostle part of our foundation as the Church of God today? That is the honor I give to Mr Armstrong. He is listed among the apostles, and the only apostle we have been given by God in these end times.

Through him the Philadelphia era was raised up by Jesus Christ. This is the Worldwide Church of God.

But even while the apostle was alive, some left the church and created “divisions”, and they even continued to preach “some truth” but they were OUTSIDE of the Church.

“Divisions” away from the church is CARNAL. It is NOT a thing done by the Holy Spirit of God.

Could it be even portrayed as “good” plucked from the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Men learned from God’s apostle and from God’s Church, much “good” and took it for themselves and accepted it and incorporated it. But was no more converted than a jackrabbit.

Simon Magus even did this. He was even baptized as a BELIEVER! But he when he couldn’t receive what he wanted from God’s Church, he went off and got it by creating a “divisions”. Maybe some have sat in church for many years with this sort of attitude?

Spots and blemishes, right? That’s what God calls them.

So when Mr Armstrong died, much of that came to the surface. Like Moses disappearing on Mt Sinai for forty days, surely they would never see him again, right? So we see a lot of golden calves, even today.

The Church watched as Gerald Flurry and some ministers create a “Division”.

The Church watched as Tkach Sr create a “division” meant to overthrow and stamp down the Worldwide Church of God as it was in 1986 and prior.

The Church watched as men in Church Administration create a “Regional Pastor Structure” and that eventually growing and used to create an even GREATER DIVISION.

Those who struggled in that fight, Tkach and Kubik, both split into different divisions, taking ministers with them.

The Worldwide Church of God, the spiritual organism, was vacated, while carnality flooded the landscape.

Tkachism no longer wanted anything to do with the Church, and the others were in a different group now altogether.

So the “support services”(aka the corporations and assets and properties and monies) was liquidated about detractors.

And the Worldwide Church of God was left in ruins. The spiritual Temple nearly destroyed.

Now the ministry found structures being built for them inside these “divisions”, and we read a prophecy about that in Haggai 1.

“Thus speaketh the Lord of hosts, saying, This people say, The time is not come, the time that the Lord's house should be built. Then came the word of the Lord by Haggai the prophet, saying, Is it time for you, O ye, to dwell in your cieled houses, and this house lie waste? Now therefore thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways.”(verses 2-5)

These divisions served as something vile and profane touching the labors of the ministry. (see Hag. 2:10-19)

Ezekiel says it is a going out to the heathen, and declares it as PROFANE. (see Ezekiel 22:26; Ezekiel 36 as well)

Paul says it is CARNAL, and this compliments Ezekiel. Because the Heathen are carnal, and outside of the Temple!

Remember Revelation 11:1-2. The outer court.

Jesus Christ is the truth. And yes some groups teach more truth than another. But they profane God’s name, and His Church, for operating as a SEPARATE ENTITY also known as a DIVISION.

I don’t care if it was raised up by all the good obtained through the tree of knowledge of good and evil! That goodness is only human level, carnality!

There is a better way. It’s called the tree of life.

You one time advised me to go to where I felt most truth was preached. Based on God’s Word that’s bad advise. Yes, follow the truth.

But support “divisions”? That’s anti-Christ at its core.

Every church that came away from the Worldwide Church of God, is sinning against God in this manner. Being “okay” with division.

Apathetic because one group has “more truth” than the other.

When the Tribulation starts, all of these “divisions” will go away, and the people will be forced to take the mark, or repent and be the Worldwide Church of God they were called to be part of! The Two witnesses will remind them of what GOD RAISED UP through His apostle Herbert W Armstrong, and give witness how God brought that Church into a place of safety!

Christ will not spare those who are separated or divided away! That is given to the outer court to be trampled by the gentile heathen for 3 1/2 years.

The roster in the Worldwide Church of God may have a lot of vacated spots now…but draft day is coming, and if people don’t want to repent, and obey, God will find others to replace them!

It is that simple.

Children who grow up in the church, may take a lot of “good” with them. But if they decided to be just a “little rebellious” and go off by themselves and do their own thing their own way, they need to repent, and come back like the prodigal son.

Those who are remaining, are waiting to welcome back home our spiritual family!

Divisions and being okay with them, is not from Jesus Christ. It’s from Satan and his demons. Wolves love the flock to remain divided, so they can devour.

Aren’t you tired of delivering up the flock to Satan and his wolves? That’s a hard hitting truth. Do you enjoy it keeping the church divided? If not, the ball is in your court Mr Dean.

Take it to God, and be prepared for the light to scare some demons.

In Christ’s service,

Sam Kitchen

Canadian Devils Attack Worlds Most Important Web Site

Oh, what a thrilling saga unfolds daily in the epic realm of COGland! Poor, overworked Satan—bless his jealous little heart—wakes up every morning utterly obsessed with tormenting these adorably insignificant splinter groups. I mean, who wouldn't be green with envy over their staggering global impact?

Back in the golden age, when Herbert Armstrong and the Worldwide Church of God were single-handedly ruining the Devil's entire existence with their massive, world-shaking influence, Satan truly had his claws full. But these days? Pfft, it's basically a vacation for him. That once-"mighty" juggernaut has so thoughtfully exploded into hundreds upon hundreds of utterly irrelevant micro-fellowships that collectively couldn't influence a lemonade stand.

Yet—miracle of miracles!—for some completely incomprehensible reason, the Prince of Darkness himself remains laser-focused on sabotaging the single greatest, most incomparably superfantabulously awesome Church of God ever to grace human history. Seriously, no other group (past, present, or future) even dares to approach the blinding radiance of the hilariously misnamed "Continuing" Church of God.

Rumor has it Legion has reassigned its entire elite cyber-demon division to cook up bespoke malware just to thwart the planet-altering ministry of none other than the Great Bwana Bob Thiel. For a heart-stopping moment, it almost looked like the forces of hell might prevail—but take heart, brethren! Our indomitable Super Bob has once again valiantly triumphed over yet another cataclysmic, earth-shattering satanic hacker tantrum. Truly, an inspiration to us all.

We had some issues with the Canadian website, but it is now up and functional again. This seems to have been related to some earlier malware attacks. 

 

UCG's John Elliott: Do not fall for the trickery of leaders who seek a following due to church governance, church eras and other unique teachings

 

Beware of false prophets [teachers], who come to you in sheep’s clothing [profess sound doctrine], but inwardly they are ravenous wolves [they will cost you your life]. You will know them by their fruits [the resulting mindset] (Matthew 7:15-16)

...remain vigilant and never fall for the bait of carnally promoting individuals 

seeking a personal following with their own special twist. 

Christianity is about Christ! It is not about temporary human servants. 

Nor is it about a special corporation.

Jesus never warned that we should be in some specific church era, 

or be in a church with a special leader, 

or have a specific form of governance, 

or a certain corporate name, 

or a special hidden doctrine. 

I implore you to find even a hint of such instruction in anything Jesus ever said! 

He warns that trickery will abound 

and mortal danger will lurk in the most unlikely places.

John Elliott, President of the United Church of God (UCG), published a letter on December 11 about not allowing yourself to be swayed by wolves in sheep's clothing who seek to lead members astray. 

Is this a swipe at the craftily spoken words of Bob Thiel, Ron Weinland, Dave Pack, and Gerald Flurry?

For some in the Church of God (COG) groups, these men present their "truths" as divinely inspired by God and can too easily sway less-grounded members in their beliefs. 

Elliott writes:

 

Greetings fellow ministers and brethren, 

 

How seriously do you consider your place in the Body of Christ? Am I wholeheartedly a part of the Body of Christ? Jesus Himself implores us to make factual assessments about our spiritual condition in His letters to the seven churches (Revelation 2-3). 

 

He also warns us not to get swayed by influential people who promote mindsets contrary to His truth. “Beware of false prophets [teachers], who come to you in sheep’s clothing [profess sound doctrine], but inwardly they are ravenous wolves [they will cost you your life]. You will know them by their fruits [the resulting mindset]” (Matthew 7:15-16). 

 

Compare everything you hear from anyone with what God’s word instructs you. Be alert for slick manipulation using human logic that garners sympathy for the unfairly treated, complains about personal injustices, spouts accusations against brethren, while diverting us away from following Jesus Christ and His appointed authorities. Such are the tactics of wolves (Jude 8, 11-12). Such prideful minds are in stark contrast to Jesus’ admonitions for self-abasement, humility, service, sacrifice, honoring others, pursuing peace, unity and love.

Elliott claims he is not zeroing in on any specific individual, but Weinland, Thiel, Pack, and Flurry all feel those outside their groups are borderline apostates, and that is their job to lead people back into the truth (that they exclusively have) so that they can achieve salvation. 

I am not pointing fingers at any individual, rather I'm emphasising the biblical principles necessary for us to be responsible with our opportunity for salvation. Paul stated of our time, “But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 3:13-15).

God constantly observes and monitors each of us in hopes of bringing us into His Kingdom. “The LORD is in His holy temple, the LORD’s throne is in heaven; His eyes behold, His eyelids test the sons of men. The LORD tests the righteous, but the wicked and the one who loves violence His soul hates” (Psalm 11:4-5). 

 

God does not support those who do “violence” to the brethren by spreading lies and rumors. “These six things the LORD hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue…a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren” (Proverbs 6:16-19). He also says, “I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings” (Jeremiah 17:10). 

 

We all need to humble ourselves, repent of our own sins and mistakes and seek God’s forgiveness, as we forgive others. May God help us all to love Him above all else and to love each other more than we love ourselves. 

 

I encourage you to remain vigilant and never fall for the bait of carnally promoting individuals seeking a personal following with their own special twist. Christianity is about Christ! It is not about temporary human servants. Nor is it about a special corporation. In all situations we are to follow Christ and be of His Body. 

 

In John 12:26 we read: “If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.” Christ’s shepherds only follow Christ and encourage others to only follow Him! Only then can any human be an asset to another’s salvation. 

 

Jesus never warned that we should be in some specific church era, or be in a church with a special leader, or have a specific form of governance, or a certain corporate name, or a special hidden doctrine. I implore you to find even a hint of such instruction in anything Jesus ever said! He warns that trickery will abound and mortal danger will lurk in the most unlikely places. 

 

Notice the context of Christ’s statement to us about the challenges of the pathway to His Kingdom: “Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:14-16). 

 

The stakes are high for every member. Each of us are responsible to be alert, discern God’s will, and recognize those faithfully upholding God's word. 

 

As you enjoy the Sabbath and are refreshed by it, take time to consider the seriousness of your calling. Meditate on what you truly stand for. Define the fruit you are trying to grow in your life. Then, let these words guide you on your path: 

 

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain” (Philippians 2:12-16). 

 

May God bless you along with all His faithful children, as we humble ourselves and submit to His will. And may we deeply love loving Him, and love one another sincerely, 

 

John Elliott, President

It does a great disservice to church members if church leaders do not take a stand and call out the various crackpot COG leaders and their borderline heretical teachings. A true leader will label these teachers as the wolves in sheep's clothing that they warn about. 

I have heard some in UCG, LCG, and other groups stating that they do not call these false leaders out because they are "brothers in Christ, but with different interpretations". They are NOT your "brother in Christ"! If you know these guys are wrong, then it behooves you as a leader to all them out for their false teachings.

Hatip to Feastgoer for the heads up.

Lucifer and Jesus Were Elohim's

 

We've all had front-row seats for decades to the spectacular show of people vanishing down the Armstrongism rabbit hole, only to emerge years later, wild-eyed and desperate, frantically digging through the deepest pits of madness for the next earth-shattering "revelation" from their oh-so-authentic "god"—a real, bona fide Elohim.

Honestly, doesn't it just warm the heart how it mirrors Mormon doctrine so perfectly? You know, that fantastical story where Lucifer and Jesus are brothers, and the grand prize for everyone is ascending to full god-and-goddess glory in some gloriously unhinged, fanatical fairy-tale kingdom.

But wait—let's give a special shout-out to Wade Cox, who's out there tirelessly plumbing those same depths of lunacy to serve up exactly the same steaming pile of nonsense. Truly, originality in Armstrongism is overrated.

Does any of this make sense? 

Introduction

God created the Spiritual Creation Aeons ago. These were the sons of God called Elohim or gods. He then created the Physical Creation, beginning with the Universe. The sequence and purpose is explained in the text How God Became a Family (No. 187). The Spiritual Creation became split over the intent and purpose of the Physical Creation and a third rebelled under the Covering Cherub Azazel or Satan-el, and later Satan, having lost his el status. 

 

Satan had experimented with the creation of humans over the two million years of the optimum period for the creation of intelligent life in the Earth's main star system for whatever reasons known only to him, and the Almighty, and failed repetitively. About twelve thousand years ago the earth became tohu and bohu or waste and void. God the Father, Eloah, the One True God sent the Elohim to the earth under Michael and Satan to recreate or refurbish the earth and create the Adamic species, commencing with Adam and Eve in 4004 BCE. The refurbishment was to take six days and that interval was to be used as the outline plan of the creation of mankind and the isolation of the Holy Seed in mankind to become the selected training nucleus of the human host that was to be selected through God's Omniscience and the Divine Prescience and Predestination (No. 296) of the One True God Eloah from the foundation of the world. He alone was immortal and whom no man has ever seen or can see and who dwells in unapproachable light (1Tim. 6:16).  He was able to see and know the thoughts and workings of the entire creation from the beginning to the end and was able to identify those who would succeed in carrying out His Will and Plan and thus determine who was most suitable to become Elohim (No. 001) and thus fit to rule the universe under the extended Elohim Host. This is also explained in the text The Plan of Salvation (No. 001A). The creation was enabled to exercise free will in the entire sequence. In that way Eloah could ascertain the mindset and obedience of all the creation.

 

All of this was hidden from mankind by Satan and the Fallen Host through their lies and the false doctrines and explanations given to humans from the outset in Eden. In this way all mankind could be tested and placed under Judgment so that the entire creation would know who was tested and who was fit to lead the universe, being those in the First Resurrection (No. 143A), in the ongoing phases after the  Second Resurrection (No. 143B) and the Great White Throne Judgment of mankind and the fallen Host (see also No 143; 143C & 143D). God through His Omniscience knew and predestined the Creation from the foundation of the earth, or world (Mat. 13:35; Isa. 62:11; Jer. 10:12; Mat. 25:34; Jn. 17:24) and we were selected, and our works were ordained, before we were formed in the womb (Jer. 1:5), and before the foundation of the world (Eph. 1:4). It is these humans of the Adamic Creation that were foreknown and foreseen over the Ages that would succeed and follow the Laws of God and the Testimony of the Patriarchs and Prophets and the Temple Calendar that flows from the Law and would be faithful, even unto death. It is these entities that were to form the Holy Seed and these were predestined to be born and selected and taken out to the end of the Millennial Age and the Second Resurrection (No. 143B).  

 

Adam was unable to come into Judgment until he was thirty years of age under the laws God was to lay down for the creation at the outset. Thus in 3974 BCE when Adam was thirty he and Eve both came under judgement and Eden was closed, and the Earth was cursed. Satan, being the Morning Star of the earth, became the ruler also of the Adamic creation and the God, or Elohim, of this world, including mankind (2Cor. 4:4). The Jubilees fell on the years 24 and 74 BCE and in 27 – 77 CE in the Modern Age.

And later, this:

Sifting the Grain

Satan was given rule over the earth by God for a specific purpose. It might seem counter intuitive to leave an elohim in charge that basically considers mankind as unfit to take office and become elohim over the long-term rule of the universe and be given access to that rule under Christ as elohim or become gods as Sons of God. However, Eloah as One True God, allowed that to take place as it would ensure that test procedures were in place that would ensure that only the dedicated of the Holy Seed would take office over the sequence to the First and Second Resurrections. All else would be sifted and whilst all could succeed in the plan, including the demons that rebelled, only the Holy Seed would serve faithfully and take part in the First Resurrection (or the elect portion of the Second Resurrection) and then become Morning Stars and the ranking rulers of the universe. To achieve this a filtration system had to be set in place. Satan was thus given control and he and the Fallen Host had access to the Throne of God on a more or less continual basis (Job 1:6; 2:1). The story of the test of Job was a very severe and rigorous test of one of the Holy Seed who was tested and proven under the most severe circumstances (Job 1:6-12). The entire book is a clear depiction of the tests of the Holy Seed. So also Satan tested all men, and he also asked to sift Peter like wheat, as he had Job, but was not permitted to do so (Luke 22:31). But he did manage to kill over half the apostles and also a large number of the Seventy (Lk. 10:1,17) (see Nos 122; 122B; 122C; 122D). It was in these tests that they were proven, not only in their own eyes but in the eyes of all mankind. Job was restored at the end before his death, and he will take his place at the end of Days with the other Prophets and Patriarchs and all of the Holy Seed.

Why Are So Many COG Leaders Such Pathetic Speakers

If you thought watching bouncing Bob Thiel was painful, get a load of Wade Cox and his pathetic sidekick. These have to be the two most boring men I have ever seen "preach" in Armstrongism. 

Remember, Wade Cox is such a dynamic tool of God that he has converted over 50% of Africa to his church, even convincing Muslims to join with him. This is such a miraculous feat that even the Great Bwana himself has been unable to accomplish.

Armstrongism truly has some of the most idiotic men as leaders of splinter groups imaginable. 

You can watch this trainwreck here. All you need to watch is the first few minutes, and you will need a stiff drink, or maybe an ear enema.

Crackpot Prophet Digs Up Dibar Apartian

For a church movement that smugly brags it would rather celebrate a hill than ever celebrate a birthday (because pagan!!!), certain Armstrongist COG leaders positively salivate over commemorating the most riveting dates in COG history: the day the state stamped their church incorporation papers, the sacred long weekend they cracked open that moldy booklet for the 47th time at a summer camp, and, of course, the holy anniversary of the fever dream in which God Himself apparently whispered, “The Churches of God are doing great, but you know what they’re really missing? Yet another splinter run by a guy with a blog and a persecution complex.”

This time, the Greatest Prophet Ever to Grace the Churches of God With His Physical Presence™ (trademark pending) decided poor Dibar Apartian hadn’t suffered enough in the grave, so he exhumed the man’s comments, dusted them off, and ran them through the patented Thiel Scripture-Twister™ (now with 30% more confirmation bias!) to “prove” he had no choice but to courageously apostatize from the Living Church of God and found the One True Remnant™—population: him, his wife, a few Caucasians and some Africans. 

For years, the Living Church of God smiled through gritted teeth while Bwana Bob threw hourly tantrums about their “wrong doctrines” and “inaccurate information” (because nothing says spiritual maturity like a short little man whining on the internet that the big kids won’t listen to him). They kept patting him on the head in public like the awkward cousin at Thanksgiving, all while texting each other screenshots of his latest unhinged “prophetic” rants and laughing so hard they needed oxygen.

And just like how he “miraculously” turned Gaylyn Bonjour’s polite "blessing" into a divinely ordained double portion anointing, the Great Bwana has now performed the same linguistic equivalent of a pretzel factory explosion on Dibar Apartian’s words until they “clearly” say exactly what he needed them to say this news cycle.

Crackpot Bob is now desperately trying to retcon history so that Apartian looks like some cloak-and-dagger resistance fighter secretly undermining Rod Meredith, in the same way he insists Apartian single-handedly forced LCG’s magazines to publish his groundbreaking research and biblical interpretations. 

The man has spent decades absolutely fuming that first Worldwide, then Global, then Living all looked at his “impeccable” research, his “incontestable” corrections, and his entirely self-awarded credentials and collectively said, “Yeah… hard pass on ordaining Captain Tinfoil.” One former UCG minister summed it up best: the guy is “completely nuts.” But sure, Bob, clearly the problem is that every single church organization on the planet is blind to your towering genius.

Many members in LCG were unaware that Dibar Apartian had issues with LCG’s Tomorrow’s World magazine. He stated it lacked interest, depth, and relevance. In 2007 and 2008, he pushed Dr. Meredith to agree to have articles in it from me as he told me that my articles were what LCG needed. Dr. Meredith agreed, at least at that time. I agreed, but only under the provision that LCG would first fix errors in its booklet on church history. Although LCG, numerous times agreed to do that and told me numerous times that it was working on doing that, it never happened as various ones promised. The reality is that one of the top people did not want the magazine changed and prevented the booklet changes apparently as a reason to not have me submit articles. 

 

And the hits just keep coming from the One-Man Prophetic Extravaganza™.

Now Crackpot Bob is solemnly swearing up and down that Rod Meredith, on his deathbed no less, looked him square in the eye and declared, “Bob, my son, you are a prophet, yea verily, the prophetiest prophet who ever propheted.” 

How convenient that the only witness to this sacred moment is… checks notes… only Bob himself. Because nothing screams credibility like a private conversation with a dead man who can’t fact-check you. 

Everyone who actually knew Rod Meredith for more than five minutes is currently choking on their coffee, wondering if Bob mistakenly thought “You’re a prophet” sounds exactly like “Please stop sending me 40-page single-spaced emails about Mayan calendars and lukewarm Laodiceans.”

But sure, Bob, keep swinging that imaginary deathbed endorsement around like it’s the Ark of the Covenant. The rest of us will just be over here marveling at how you’ve turned “Rod once said ‘God bless you’ after I sneezed” into “clear biblical proof I’m the end-time Elijah.” Truly, the gift of creative hearing is strong with this one.

Dibar Apartian frequently used to urge me to try to get the other leaders in LCG to correct doctrinal, prophetic, and literature errors. Although I tried to get him to do more of that himself, he always instructed me to not only do that, but to remind other leaders in Charlotte to keep their promises to fix errors, literature, etc. 

 

But we did have an incident where he got quite angry with me. It was related to something that started on October 3, 2008 when Dr. Roderick C. Meredith (Presiding Evangelist of the Living Church of God) called me and said to me, “God may consider you to be a prophet.” Dr. Meredith and I discussed this in depth as Dr. Meredith was the one who brought the topic up. 

 

Oh, it gets even richer.

Even Dibar Apartian (yes, the same guy Bob just dug up like a theological gopher to prop up his latest fever dream) reportedly looked at Crackpot Bob one day, blinked twice, and realized he’d been bamboozled by a walking, talking Wikipedia page with a martyrdom complex.

According to people who were actually in the room (instead of, you know, channeling the conversation through a crystal ball and a persecution filter), Apartian eventually figured out that every time Bob opened his mouth, truth took the elevator down twenty floors and jumped out the window.

Word is, Apartian went from “mildly amused” to “Dear God, this man is an utter fraud” faster than you can say “double portion of delusion.”He supposedly warned others that Bob’s “research” was about as reliable as a chocolate teapot and that his “prophetic insights” had all the spiritual weight of a wet napkin.

But why let a little thing like the dead guy’s actual opinion stop the Bwana Bob Myth-Making Machine™?

Nah, just twist a couple of polite sentences, sprinkle in some posthumous fan fiction, and boom: Apartian is now retroactively Bob’s biggest cheerleader instead of the guy who quietly face-palmed every time Bob walked into headquarters with another 87-page “emergency correction” about why the church calendar was off by 0.3 seconds.

Dead men tell no tales… but apparently they do provide excellent ventriloquist dummies for narcissistic “prophets” with blog access.

Magnificent.

Later that month, my family and I went to the Feast of Tabernacles in Evian, France. The conversation with Dr. Meredith weighed on my mind, so I asked Dibar Apartian (who was the Feast site coordinator) and Dr. Jeff Fall (who was my pastor then, and who also attended there that year) to meet with me before services one morning. I told both of them about the conversation with Dr. Meredith. 

 

Upon hearing this, Dibar Apartian got upset. He told me that Dr. Meredith did not say such a thing and I assured him that he had. His emotions got the best of him and he stormed out of the meeting and I completed it by discussing what happened in more depth with Dr. Fall. 

 

A couple of days later, after Dibar Apartian calmed down, he came up to me and said that I was either “the one” to lead the Philadelphian remnant or the “biggest threat to the church.” He also came up to me shortly thereafter and told me how much he appreciated a sermonette I later gave during that Feast. 

 

And here comes the next jaw-dropping plot twist from the Thiel Cinematic Universe™!

After poor Dibar Apartian finally realized he’d been conned by a human PowerPoint presentation with delusions of grandeur, Crackpot Bob insists that—miracle of miracles—Apartian suddenly did a complete 180°, fell to his knees, and tearfully confessed, “Bob, I was blind! You truly ARE the end-time prophet I always secretly knew you were!” Yeah, sure, and jackasses sprout wings and start doing barrel rolls over the Sea of Galilee every Passover. Totally plausible.

Having failed to convince the living, Bob now pivots to slandering the dead. He’s gleefully telling anyone still listening that Apartian (the same Apartian who loyally stood by Rod Meredith for decades like a French bulldog with a PhD) was actually seething with secret resentment the whole time. 

Apparently Apartian spent his final years whispering to the potted plants about how Meredith was a spiritual lightweight and only Bwana Bob, the Mayo-Dipped Messiah™, understood True Truth™.

Bob needs this fictional feud like he needs oxygen, because nothing screams “God forced me to apostatize and start my own elite club” quite like inventing a dead guy’s diary entries that paint your former boss as the bad guy and yourself as the misunderstood hero.

It’s not enough that Apartian is dead and can’t sue for defamation; Bob has to drag the man’s reputation through the mud just to give his 2012 resignation letter a retroactive glow-up.

Stay classy, Prophet Profit. Stay classy.

It should be noted that Dibar Apartian had major issues with LCG in general and Dr. Meredith in particular. He had some warnings about LCG. And I was not the only one who knew this. Though since I left, various ordained leaders in LCG have spread falsehoods about me–but let me add that I do not believe that Gerald Weston knows the truth about what happened as my sources indicate he was told falsehoods that he has accepted–maybe one day he will learn-as the Bible warns, “Cursed is he who does the work of the Lord deceitfully” (Jeremiah 48:10). 

 

And the grand finale of this tragicomedy just keeps delivering.

Enter the Mysterious Backstabbing LCG Minister™ (name conveniently withheld because “sources” and “plausible deniability”). This anonymous hero allegedly pulled Bob aside one day and whispered the magic words that sent our humble prophet into orbit: “Bob, LCG is no longer God’s Church… only YOU can save us now.

Translation: someone poured jet fuel straight into Bwana Bob’s already planet-sized ego, and the resulting explosion registered on the Richter scale. 

Suddenly the voices in his head had a second opinion! Hallelujah, it’s a prophetic duo!

Of course, the prideful arrogance that had been simmering on low for decades finally boiled over like an unattended teapot, and even the endlessly patient Rod Meredith snapped. In a moment that now lives in COG infamy, Meredith publicly dressed down Captain Ego in front of God and everybody, basically telling him, “Sit down, shut up, and stop acting like you’re the fourth member of the Trinity.”

The public rebuke still burns Crackpot Bob’s backside to this very day; you can practically see the scorch marks every time he types another 9,000-word “dreams + anonymous sources + twisted quotes = I’m totally Elijah” manifesto.

To this day it absolutely frosts his cupcakes that the rest of us refuse to swoon over his fantastical fan-fiction used to justify the Great 2012 Apost-a-schism and the founding of the Continuing Continuing Continuing Church of God (Now With 37% More Persecution Complex!).

Sorry, Bob. Some of us prefer our history without the extra helping of delusional sprinkles.

Some have attempted to discount and discredit what happened between Dibar Apartian and myself, but what is reported here is true. 

 

In a post shown on the Banned by HWA site in March 2016, its webmaster Gary Leonard oddly posted the following: 

 

Several LCG asked me if I had any information on Dibar Apartian and his belief that LCG was no longer God’s church. This was posted in December of 2015. You can see it between snarky comments about Bob and his self righteous grandeous image he tries to portray of himself.

The only version of this story is coming from Bob Thiel when he tried to use it to smear Meredith whom he is angry with for refusing to listen to him. and incorporate changes he felt LCG needed. 

 

Gary Leonard then made some more attacks against me and included some information I posted.
Yet, if Gary had looked at certain comments at his own blog, he would have realized that I am not the only one to post comments related to Dibar Apartian’s views of the Living Church of God (and I posted none at Gary Leonard’s blog). 

 

Still seething from that public spanking Rod Meredith gave him years ago, Crackpot Bob dreamed up what he clearly thinks is his magnum opus: a 61-point manifesto triumphantly titled “Living Church of God: 61 Errors and Heresies (And Why Only I, The Great Bwana, Have 100% Pure, Uncut, 

Pharmaceutical-Grade Doctrine™).”Sixty-one! That’s one error for every year he’s been nursing that same bruised backside, apparently. 

The butthurt doth linger a longeth time, verily, even unto the third and fourth generation of blog posts.

According to the world’s foremost authority on everything (himself), LCG is now so hopelessly corrupt that only the improperly named  Continuing Church of God (headquarters: an itty-bitty storefront on Grover Beach, California) teaches the full, unvarnished, 100% certified-organic truth. No errors, no mistakes, no room for improvement; just pure, flawless, factory-sealed revelation straight from the mind of the end-time Elijah who totally wasn’t passed over for ordination three separate times because he’s “completely nuts.”

We all know that’s an industrial-strength lie, of course. Give it six months and he’ll be up to 83 errors, then 127, then a nice round 153 (one for every fish Jesus miraculously caught, naturally), because the list only ever grows in direct proportion to how ignored and irrelevant he feels that week.

So remember, folks: when your entire identity is built on being the only person in 2,000 years of church history who finally got everything exactly right, the butthurt truly doth linger a longeth time. Forever, actually. Until the next anonymous “source” tells him he’s also the second witness.