I have watched, listened and participated in the WCG/COG perspectives since I was 14 years old. I was a minister for 26 of those years. I am now 60. Life seems to last only about 15 minutes which I did not know when 14. And while I am more known for my writings on topics on abusive religion, ministers and churches, or taking another look at the real origins of anything from the Bible to human origins, my heart goes out to all of you as you watch your organization implode, once again.
"
Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.
Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you."
Eckhart Tolle
I knew the vast majority of the full time ministers in all the COG's when they were just kids. You know, the "wasn't that just 15 minutes ago?" thing. We had a lot of fun together not knowing what the future would have in store for all of us who went into the ministry, sincerely and with great hope of being in the right place, teaching and believing the right things, the right way in the right Church. Phew....what a ride. A few of them, mostly those who are now their own one man show, seem to show signs of mental and personality disorders that can more easily hidden in a ministry as quirkiness and narcissism in religion looks more like sincerity and how most of the characters in the Bible acted. Don't be fooled. It's still a personality disorder by modern standards and some, perhaps don't need more followers but rather medication.
I see these kids and friends, now old or at least older and think, "If I only knew then what I know now." But that's not how it works. We say that experience is the best teacher but the tuition is high. Let me tell you, experience is the ONLY teacher and the rest is all hearsay.
"What is....is"
"We're all here to learn."
"Welcome to Earth School"
Since being terminated 12 years ago, ( I wanted to be but didn't know how to leave my congregation of wonderful friends behind or even what to do with my life now), I have had to face many things. I have made mistakes in processing the experience. It brought me anxiety, repressed anger which leads to depression and a boatload of doubt and "what's next?" I stomped my feet in ways that didn't help and was divorced. I have made a few but lost most friends. Since sarcasm is anger turned sideways, I wrote sarcastically to put a sharp edge on my experiences and new perspectives. I have learned that most depression is anger that you feel you have no right to express, (a common feeling with ministers towards HQ) or that doing so will exact a price too high to pay. (also a proven truth )
You will go through the same things because what is happening is no small thing.
"If you understand, then things are as they are. If you don't understand..then things are as they are."
Perhaps a little advice based on experience of loss and dis-illusionment. Actually disillusionment is a good thing for why would we want to have illusions...?
First of all...Breathe. You can't fix it all and you won't solve it all. All you can do is be yourself and follow the path you feel you have to be on. See where it goes.
Secondly...Step outside the box of having just one source, leader, group, organization, minister or ideas about how it all is. There are bigger boxes of truth and reality than those defined by the COG's or any religion. They are mere sign posts along the way but a sign post is not the same as the destination. It just points the direction and sometimes they get pointed in the wrong direction by pranksters.
Thirdly...Don't read your Bible too much. You'll never be able to process this doing that. Everyone does that so no one can find a reason to drop their guard, share the experience as it really is and give each other a really big hug. It divides. As I have noted, the COG's add to themselves by subtraction and multiply by division. I would encourage the COG administrations, boards, councils and humans to have a big meeting, not just for those that agree with them but for everyone. Just be there and start with a big hug. Let your tears flow and keep looking each other in the eye until you realize one of Buddhisms great observations...(The narcissists and those with genuine personality disorders will not be able to do this so don't expect it.)
"Sometimes in life there is NOTHING left to do but have a good laugh."
(or cry)
I'm not really here to give advice, just observations of what, to me that journey from age 14 to 60 so far has taught me. Some would say I have learned nothing, but they are very very wrong. I would love to speak to those who have had their hearts and hopes handed to them over the years in a paper bag with a pat on the head and a hearty "be warmed and be filled, we'll be praying for you." They aren't. They just say that. I miss teaching and speaking what seems to me to be a better form of "the truth."
I'd also like to say, that in my experience, Denny Luker is probably one of the most sincere and kind humans beings I have ever me. I know he is not sleeping. If he reads this...Denny, don't put the ice cream in the cupboard to hid it from your wife when she caught you pacing the kitchen when WCG was imploding.. :) I remember the details of your last round of this!
I KNOW he has no idea where and how this all has come from and what the hell has happened. We were great friends at one time and are not at this point only due to time and distance. I would however love to have a chat with him about letting people be themselves and that "we all need to speak the same thing," is neither true nor possible. Where two are three are gathered together, in reality, we have two or three different ways of filtering our world, life and experiences. And it's ok....
My heart is with you though I don't believe as I once did. My heart is with most pastors who were friends and probably can't eat very well, sleep very well and wonder what's going to happen to them personally as this unfolds. They are losing their friends and having great anxiety or not depending. I don't miss it. But I do understand it. My heart is with the member who agonizes over why church has to be so hard and drama ridden. Their are reasons, but I'll save that for another time.
In my opinion, this is the overall problem we all face in this life of thinking we have to find the one true church, truth, doctrine, interpretation and reality amongst all of the chaff. In real church history, there never was one true church. Before the body of Jesus cooled, the struggle over who understood it all had divided up nicely and would only get worse. I won't show you the proof in this letter, but Peter really hated Paul and Paul really disliked Peter, James and John. He called them "reputed pillars" and then bragged he learned "nothing from them..." wow! Luke made fun of Peter, as did John who thought that denying and betraying were the same. He always refers to Peter along side a comment about Judas. There was a reason for that. There is truly nothing new under the sun of pastoral/member relations.
However....
"Identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, words, judgments, and definitions that blocks all true relationship. It comes between you and yourself, between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God. It is this screen of thought that creates the illusion of separateness, the illusion that there is you and a totally separate "other." You then forget the essential fact that, underneath the level of physical appearances and separate forms, you are one with all that is."
Amen....
Sincerely
10 comments:
Dennis,
I always feel good when I read your writings. You are so on mark, and I hope your words are healing to many others who are still silently processing/filtering the Armstrong Worldwide Church of God experience – particularly those of us who grew up in the WCG.
It’s funny, we never met and our paths never crossed in the WCG, yet to this day we can relate to one another. We are connected through others. For example, you were mentored in the ministry by Keith Thomas who became a good friend to my father in his latter years.
When you write:
“I knew the vast majority of the full time ministers in all the COG's when they were just kids. You know the "wasn't that just 15 minutes ago?" thing”. I can personally relate. Let’s face it Dennis, we were all young, stupid (yes, “stupid” or perhaps very naïve if “stupid” is too harsh a word) and impressionable. We remember “the day of the small thing” from our youth because that was the most impressionable time in our lives. I never dreamed in 1971 WCG that I would someday be living in 2011. After all, we were taught “time is short” and the Wonderful World Tomorrow is right around the corner. The World Tomorrow always right around the corner....”final gun lap”, “time of testing and preparation”, “Five more years” (which Rod Meredith has been saying for 50 years now), etc.,etc.
I have been very thankful that I left WCG when I hit 20 years old, and never looked back on leaving. It took me many years to “deprogram” myself, and was a major source of contention with my mother, and contributed greatly to why I never married and spent most of my life single and alone. I only follow the various WCG websites because I also know many of the names of the ministry and their history as well when they were very young, and I took meticulous sermon notes when they spoke from the pulpit. Therefore, I know what was said by whom, and not one of them will step “out of the box” like you did and question whether it all makes any sense.
One thing Herbert Armstrong did get right although he used it in the wrong way, “time is short”. I know realize that what he really meant was “Time is short for Herbert Armstrong”. After all, he was in his early 70s when I was young, stupid and impressionable hearing him say it.
Time is short for us all. We need to make the most of our “dash” and live today like it is our last (because someday it will be).
Best wishes to you Dennis. I hope the other thing we spoke about is still going strong.
Richard
Sorry for the multiple posts. I received a message that my original post was too large to process, and I was dividing it into 2 parts, but it looks like it processed after all.
Richard
Thanks for your comments, Dennis. As one of the guys from the past and currently a pastor, I want to let you know that while others may have said they would pray for you, as I've read your posts, you have been on my heart for good. I have shed tears for your pain.
Your recent posts on FB yanked at my heart but I didn't call you because I thought my current affiliation would cause you more pain than good. But my heart was and is with you. Take care of yourself and thanks for your thoughts.
Just before the WCG split in the early-mid 90’s, the "in crowd" in our congregation was privately meeting at one of the member's homes for sabbath services. The group quietly disappeared from WCG services. The newly-formed UCG, or "ground floor opportunity" as the minister called it, was by invitation only. I did attend one service a few months later (even though not invited), where the minister extolled his own virtues for not giving in to WCG changes and deviations from the truth. The congregation broke out in applause.
In retrospect, the UCG split was a blessing in disguise. It helped ease the all-consuming fear of leaving. First, there was 13 years of a belief system that never quite added up. Then, reinforced through reading books about cults and spiritual abuse, the minister’s arrogance, consistent lies, half-truths,and misrepresentations, plus being deeply in debt from WCG’s incessant financial demands, finally gave me the courage to walk away. But the anger and depression lingered for years afterwards. Realizing you’ve been a victim of a religious scam and the devastating toll it has taken on every aspect of your life takes years to recover. It is only now that I realize that the WCG experience was, in many ways, simply a continuation of the horrors of my own childhood at the hands of a sociopathic, narcissistic, pathological lying parent.
I cannot help but wonder how many others who remain loyal to the HWA control system are also victims of a dysfunctional and abusive childhood.
P.S. Thanks for your thoughtful post, Dennis.
Anon wrote:
"I cannot help but wonder how many others who remain loyal to the HWA control system are also victims of a dysfunctional and abusive childhood."
There is a book out called "When God Becomes A Drug" by Leo Booth.
In it he talks about religious addiction.
Many people are drawn to dysfunctional religion because they are from dysfunctional families - amilies that usually have alcoholics at the helm.
Religious addicts also are major alcoholics too.
Looking at Armstrongism there is a disproportional number of alcoholics in the COG's. When all vices are frowned up on and alcohol is sanctioned, you can be guaranteed there will be abuse.
The UCG hierarchy and the new splinter group is filled with big time alcoholics. I know, I have seen many of them in action!
Religions addiction also creates sexual addictions. There are some really sick perverts in Armstrongism who abuse their kids and other kids in the COG. They abuse their spouses, stalk other women and have even resorted to rape.
"Religions addiction also creates sexual addictions. There are some really sick perverts in Armstrongism who abuse their kids and other kids in the COG. They abuse their spouses, stalk other women and have even resorted to rape."
YES, YES, YES! So many are beginning to understand this as you do NO2HWA!
Of course this is old information for you, having experienced Armstrong-ism for so long.
Observing the people in the cult was the big teacher for me. It was like a mental institution. Add two + two and we get seven in the empire of Armstrong-ism. Nothing added up to reality by using the gift of common sense.
For those who might not know about stalkers we have this offering:
http://www.hwarmstrong.com/All2_True/Stalker_Court_Case.html
Let's try this again for the stalker link:
http://tinyurl.com/2vhrxzx
thank you all for your kind comments. We do have some comfort but often ignored it that in the NT, PAUL is the author of "Time is Short" and those that have friends, partners, wives etc act as if they had none etc...Singles were not to marry and "send it in was the way to go. All from the Apostle Paul. NO ONE EVER ASKS HOW MANY LIVES HE RUINED THEN.
When he realized his mistake all he could come up with was , I have fought the good fight....me, me, me....) He had no remorse of being wrong evidently. Do they ever? NO.
Let's face it, we had to be there, so we could be here. Perhaps there is a better reason for this yet to come.
Annon Minister....call anyway
:)
Let's try that again,
PS Richard, the "other thing" tanked unexpectedly and thru no fault of my own, for a change. Thus the quotes. Everything "is what it is, not just things religious. Long story. I believe the Karma Fairy just wants me to write. :)
I have also learned I have some clinical issues to be aware of in my own way of being. It explains a lot to me however, thus the "why did I have to be wired like this?"
Sounds trite, but folk like me have exaggerated issues with abandonment and issues of being alone. some would kill to be alone, but it really disturbs me at a very deep level as the helper/caretaker me wants to share a life, not just have one.
God and I will be having a talk about it next time I see her...:)
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