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Wednesday, September 12, 2018
COG Hurricane Shield Collapses As Satan Attacks East Coast Feast Sites With Hurricane
The Time-Worn, Hurricane-Reversing, Feast-Saving Hurricane Shield that in decades past was rumored to turn hurricanes around and back to sea, saving a few thousand dedicated Church of God Feast-goers from certain destruction, appears to be losing steam!
The latest Hurricane to encounter the Shield, Hurricane Florence (which, of course, in all concern and seriousness, we hope people in danger and in harm's way actually DO take seriously and evacuate from NOW - this one's a biggie!!!), which could be one of the most damaging and destructive Hurricanes in many decades, threatening hundreds of thousands of people along the North Carolina And South Carolina coastline - timed of course to coincide with the Fall Holy Day Season, is buffing against the shield, which appears to be struggling to deflect this Hurricane. What then, has weakened the infamous Church of God Hurricane Shield?
It has been rumored that the state of one of the Churches of God are to blame.
The Church of God which activated their Famed Hurricane Shield of Fasting and Prayer seems to have become "lukewarm" and "stale" - and the presiding Evangelist's ho-hum call for the fast seems to have weakened the Hurricane Shield.
The Chief Engineer of the Shield yelled to the Home Office "Captain! We're giving her all we've got! She can't take much more of this!"
The Presiding evangelist responded "Well, you're doing the best you can, nothing much more we can do."
The other Churches of God clearly mocked the failing Shield, stating it proves they were never the Church of God anyway.
None of the Churches of God seemed to show any concern or pledge any help, to the best of our knowledge, to the many hundreds of thousands of people on the coast. When asked why, one pompous COG said "They're under the devil's punishment, we can't interfere with God's Judgement."
The Hurricane Shield in past times was claimed to have caused reversals, loops, stalls, dissipation, and other weakening phenomena in decades past. Another shield, the Tornado Fizzler, has been rumored to do the same, causing tornadoes to split, dip, rise, dissipate, hop, and jump over Church member's homes - while smashing and crushing non-church members' homes just doors down.
Instead of showing concern and helping those who are suffering from the effects of Natural Disaster, the Churches of God have historically used such events to boost their own bias that they are the only bearers of Protection from the wrath of the weather. Perhaps, some will act and think differently with Florence - and embrace the opportunity to help those in need, doing the right thing, by assisting, helping, giving, and rebuilding those who need a loving hand.
submitted by SHT