Every once in a while, for the sake of pure nostalgia, or for self-healing methods, I will go back in time and play some of the Dwight Armstrong hymns of the old Purple Hymnal of generations past. Doing this helps me in reflection, to put life and eras past into perspective. It helps me to remember what was in comparison to what is. It also allows me to put myself back into a time that no longer exists so that I can write about that time now, without distortion.
I speak as one who was born into the Church - a generation who entered into Armstrongism with an absolutely clean slate. These songs - though understandably dreadful to many - still hold a place within me that cannot be erased. It was these songs that I heard both in the womb, and every week after birth for decades. Each song has been etched into me with the strength and rigidity of a soldering iron. And to this very day, I remember nearly every word to nearly every song.
Each song plays forth different memories and different memories. Some remind me only of the Local Church area I most frequently attended. Others bring me to the cavernous arenas at the Feast of Tabernacles. The effect gets even more intense for memory recall when I add "crowd noise" and "piano background" - to where you almost could think you were there all over again.
Why is it that I subject myself to such torture, you might ask? Is it something I need to do? Or is it just me attempting to relive a part of the past that is long gone?
One of the things that I have learned in my years of de-programming therapy is a philosophy which is called "Radical Acceptance". Radical acceptance is when one accepts wholeheartedly and completely the situation in which one is in - or in my case - was born into and/or lives in today. There are two choices in life, and two ways in which one can go. You can fight your situation and/or reality, moan, complain, whine and pity-party your circumstances and increase your pain. Or, you can accept, embrace, learn from, and be content with the cards you have been dealt with. Radical acceptance is the action of the latter.
"I cannot accept this", one might say of a particular situation. For those of us who grew up in the Church, we absolutely have to accept that that is what happened, and that is how we were programmed. We have to acknowledge the fact, first, that we became who we are because of the influence of our parents and of the Church. We have to accept the fact that it was not the best situation - and in fact, may have been the producer and influencer of many horrible and awful situations in each of our lives. Pretending it did not happen does nothing but bury the pain deep inside. Pretending it did not happen will never heal. Pretending it did not happen will never allow you to grow past your feelings and your experiences. Ignoring what was trains you to ignore what is. And the only way to change is to accept what you have been dealt so that you can mold and shape what you have into what you want yourself to be.
"Changing reality requires first accepting it. Rejection of reality is like a cloud that surrounds pain, interfering with being able to see it clearly. We have to see the situation clearly so we can determine if there is anything we can change about it, or, if it can't be changed, what we want to do about it.:"
Although each of our situations were different - some of us were born into a liberal experience, others a very hard-line experience. Some of us sailed through our collective experience without much harm. Others were severely and critically injured and recovering to this day. Some of us have good memories, even great memories, of our Armstrongism experience. Others have nightmarish, horror stories that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Whatever happened may or not have been painful. Yet, if there is one thing to remember, it is this: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
Regardless of what we went through, we are where we are now, and where we are now is that reality. Radically, wholly, and completely accepting our circumstances will help us handle our emotions and feelings to make our lives better in the days, months, and years to come. As the serenity prayer often says, we must strive to change the things we can change, accept the things we cannot change, and have the wisdom to know the difference. As survivors from a severely dehabilitating experience with spiritual abuse, there is no better advice to help one to radically accept our situations, so we may have a brighter and better future in the times that are ahead of us.
There is something that I learned when in training for management many years ago. The five words that helped me to accept what reality is:
"It is what it is". And accepting reality is the first step toward being able to take the steps for your life to make it better, more whole, more enjoyable, and more happy. It was what it is, it is what it is, and what it can only be changed by being able to handle, accept, and grow with and from whatever comes our way. It's the secret to being content. It's a step toward recovery. No matter what life brings, or what paths we go, finding the gems in the rough can be a happy moment if we take time to learn to work with all the things that came and come our way.
Now, instead of burying the past - I don't regret listening to those old Dwight Armstrong hymns. (I know, I know.) I accept the fact that that was the music I was born into. I listen to them now and remember, to feel, to reflect, and to acknowledge the fact that this was my reality for a good part of my life. My goal now is to take those memories, experiences, harmonies, and words - to wholly build those chapters of my life for myself into a chapter of understanding for personal clarity. Maybe you would never think of this approach - but - Could this work for you? Maybe, maybe not, depending on where you are in your journey of recovery. But, if it doesn't work for you - don't feel bad about it or think something is wrong! This isn't so much about the "songs" then the underlying principle. - Just accept where you are on your journey on your best path, and remember you are uniquely special in YOUR story, whatever it may be. I wish you all the best as you grow in life as it is now in its present reality.
*quotes from an unknown source
submitted by SHT
submitted by SHT
16 comments:
SHT noted: "There are two choices in life, and two ways in which one can go. You can fight your situation and/or reality, moan, complain, whine and pity-party your circumstances and increase your pain. Or, you can accept, embrace, learn from, and be content with the cards you have been dealt with. Radical acceptance is the action of the latter.
Very nicely expressed and very true. Your observations along with sights, sounds and smells of the WCG experience are very familiar and accurate. Radical acceptance is the path I have chosen personally. To me, there is really no other choice that serves one. The alternative in wallowing in self pity, anger and basically being stuck in place does not lend itself to living one's real life in the present. You will find a mix of reactions here on radical acceptance as you have noted. I have written along this line at times and it makes some angry to accept anything as if there was any other choice. There is not. To not accept life and experiences as they actually happened is a form of insanity.
Echart Tolle, a name which also brings derision by some here, helped me so much along the way with "The Power of Now" and "The New Earth" It will resonate with those who understand and not with those who do not or will not.
“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and
not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms
of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment"
“What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
A bit more of The Power of Now that has helped get the overview of experiences.
“Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon.
It is also insane.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
“The best indicator of your level of consciousness is how you deal with life's challenges when they come. Through those challenges, an already unconscious person tends to become more deeply unconscious, and a conscious person more intensely conscious. You can use a challenge to awaken you, or you can allow it to pull you into even deeper sleep. The dream
of ordinary unconsciousness then turns into a nightmare.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”
Dennis, I always appreciate your contributions but I have a different viewpoint on this. It is not my intention to offend - just offering a different viewpoint with a bit of sarcasm directed at Mr. Toile.
Admittedly, Eckhart Toile has his share of fans but he also has his share of critics as well. As much as I admire him for not killing himself when he was younger, I'm not necessarily inclined to believe he has some special insight that should be applied to the world. And that's a problem - his non-ego, ego has his sights set on transforming the world. And he has made himself the reference point with all the answers.
And where have we heard that before?
I'm very leery about just accepting, based on face-value, what becomes popular or the latest thing in the media. Sure, there is HWA but I look at other instances, like Elizabeh Holmes (Theranos) and am amazed that people like her could attain such influence with nothing to support it. Yet she did.
We have a media structure that relies on commercial gimmicky to sell stuff to make money, and Eckhart Toile is selling an idea. Plus, his wife's yoga instructions - apparently. And it is making him rich - millions rich.
Here is a video from You Tube where Eckhart Tolle was invited to Google and was asked the following question: "Google collects information. What is the difference between information and wisdom?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE1dWwoJPU0
Like a practiced politician, he yakked.... and yakked... and yakked some more but never answered the question.
Also, despite his well-contained ego, Mr. Toile has a marketing organization behind him to sell stuff and make money.
And finally, he lives in the abstract. Very hard to nail a person down when that is where they live. It provides them such flexibility.
I think a stumbling block in the goal of "Radical Acceptance" is the idea, or faith, that there is some kind of "Justice" out there, or "Day of Reckoning" , "Karma" or just good old fashioned "Revenge".
Now that I have a diminished hope for any of those avenues to come about in this life, and the realization that evil often does prosper, the "Black Hats" often win, and that good guys often do get screwed, I am happier.
The breakthrough for me was on a bumper sticker, It read... Now that I have given up all hope, I feel much Better!
No problem 349. I just have always found Tolle's insights to be helpful. He's not polished in his speaking but, to me, is in his perspectives which really are Buddhist and Taoist concepts presented to Westerners. It is hard to get around the fact that now is the only time one has in real living. We spend much time in the past where we find our anger and depression because we might feel we have no right to express ourselves or the price is too high. Or the mind tends towards wondering what the future brings wherein lies our anxieties and propensity to grab on to religion to calm our fear of death. Pretending to have a handle on "Prophecy" also taps into our desire to know what will happen, we can't of course, but it fuels the COG approach. Without the claim that one knows what prophecy means and that it is for us today is a great way to build a church based on fear and self serving views. But in reality, NOW is all there is. The past is a memory and the future another yet to arrive present moment.
Tolle is known and loved worldwide so I imagine he has to have the machine to organize his presentations both personal and in his many books, tapes and retreats.
His views would be helpful to elaborate on SHT's posting here on radical acceptance. It really is an either or topic it seems. Either accept one's reality and experiences or wallow and ruminate in them as well as get good and stuck sometimes for years.
Thanks, Dennis -I appreciate the feedback although he's not my cup of tea.
Great post, SHT!
I hate Armstrong and resent it being forced on me as a helpless child.
However, I still find comfort in some of the purple hymns; I also recall the gray paperback predecessor.
I now prefer the old Protestant hymns and modern worship music; but during sleepless tossing and even in times of joy, I find myself singing the old Dwight hymns.
The hymns are stuck in my head whether I like it or not – mostly, I like it.
I wish I could delete some verses, like “the nations were crushed and expelled by Thy hand”; but so many other songs are soothingly simple and truly worshipful.
When I’m suffering from insomnia or stressed-out, I try to recite Holy Scripture. I find that Scripture that comes to mind with the most ease is verses from the purple hymns.
I wish I could share some of the songs with people now in my life, but no one would get them.
Perhaps singing those hymns was when the Church of Armstrong was at its best. Perhaps the hymns contained some of the good that should have existed throughout the church, as well as some of the awkwardness that did. There was unity in the uniformity in the rigid Sabbath format, some authentic worship, and everyone was too preoccupied in trying to get the difficult tunes right to be involved in their favored evil interactions that would resume after the amen of the closing prayer. Maybe we hold fondness for these hymns because their value runs deeper than the veneer of the pretenders and reflects the hearts of the few good people we knew in the church.
7:15 - Thanks, appreciate it!
Remember some of the quirks with the old hymns?
Like "Not many wise men now are called, not many (go up way too high) NOOOOBLE brethren?
Or, "Praise Ye the Lordo", not Praise Ye the Lo-ord?
Then there was the ever fast "Praiseyethelordwithyourwholeheartgivepraise."
Then there was the slow "ohhhhhhhhhhh Loooorrrdddddd Gooooooooooodddddddddddd..."
Memories, man, memories!
I got bored with the same hymns every week, so I started learning the alto version. It caused heads to turn but I didn’t care. Then, when my sons grew older, they both joined me with tenor and bass parts. It made for a more fulfilling hymn singing. ‘Course, my then husband couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. Lol
I don't need a book telling me how I should feel. And I don't believe that the attitude of the authors of such books is one of 'what has God created.' Rather, it's the attitude of trying to make the world in their image, the way that they feel it should be. Which typically means what makes them feel warm and comfortable, and makes the world safer for irresponsible behavior.
SHT, I always did a goat sound when singing "Think rather I would eat of bulls or (something or other) of goats, NAHHHHHHHH rather unto thee...."
How about, "cut off all my toes (foes) before me"?
Kevn
Dennis:
Ahh, the ol' Give Thanks and Offer Praise "Gray Hymnal Version"
Pay all your vows to God most high;
Give thanks and offer praise,
And when the day of trouble comes
I'll hear and answer thee,
Think thou that I would eat of bulls
or drink the blood of goats?
Nay, rather unto me thy God
thanksgiving offer thou.
Purple Hymnal was a little different
Pay all your vows to God most high;
Give thanks and offer praise,
And when the day of trouble comes
I'll hear and answer you.
Think you that I would eat of flesh
or ask for sacrifice?
But rather unto Me your God,
give thanks and offer praise.
(from cgmusic.org)
I'm sure the congregation was pleased that the bleating stopped LOL!
The thing I got from the repetitious singing of psalms in the form of those awful hymns in the purple hymnal was how strikingly different the psalmist's theology was from that of the NT authors.
Where's the mercy, turning the other cheek, or forgiveness of one's enemies? But there's plenty of pleading with the deity to kill and destroy the members of outgroups. The psalmist still wants plenty of mercy and forgiveness for himself though.
Sure the "psalms" ("mizmor") may have been the lyrics of songs, but that doesn't make them fit to be turned into hymns. They date from the ancient barbaric past and the barbarism of many of them do not disappoint. It seems like the worst of them were selected for adaptation into hymns.
Dwight Armstrong's compositions were pedestrian, but that's nothing compared to the horrific lyrics.
6:57
The Psalmist (hence the Psalms) are the Old Covenant (WCG) way of dealing with things. Some of these lyrics were horrible to sing:
Cut off all my foes, destroy them, they which do afflict thy soul
Death shall them seize, and to the tomb, alive they shall go down
Great fear and trembling on me seize, and horrors o'er me roll
(something) O God, for I anguish and ache
Before me I constantly see my disgrace, with shame and confusion I cover my face
It's no wonder the attitudes were the way they were. Yes, these were "in the Bible". There's a LOT of things in the Bible we don't do, nor do we sing about. The strange thing is, we'd sing those words and smile at the same time. And sometimes while internally thinking, "I'm hungry, I can't wait for lunch".
I prefer 'Blessed Assurance'.
Kevin
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