Dave Pack: Performance Anxiety

Performance Anxiety

David C. Pack suffers from an acute case of doctrinal performance anxiety.

The brethren of The Restored Church of God have been on this prophetic-knowledge rollercoaster before. When David C. Pack consistently blows off scheduled speaking appointments and resorts to lesser men in Church Administration submitting proxy Hem and Haw emails because he fears to further expert opinions that he is a proven not-so expert, you know the Pastor General is stalling.

David C. Pack cannot cross the finish line of any race he attempts because he has no clue how God plans to execute His how and when of Jesus Christ’s return. Do not be surprised if Coffee Kid and Pepper Boy are choking the Hall of Administration’s underground furnace with 25,000 hours worth of pointless Bible study notes. The members of The Restored Church of God continue to invest their time, money, and partial attention because nine straight years of absolute failure are not a clear signal it is time to flee.

David C. Pack foolishly chose to no longer tiptoe just right, offering undeniable proof that the 7-Year Kingdom of God would arrive on Tammuz 5: July 11, 2024.

Just during 2024, he taught that the Kingdom of God would arrive on:

•  Abib 1
•  Abib 14 (Passover)
•  Iyar 1
•  Sivan 1
•  Sivan 10 (Pentecost)
•  Tammuz 1
•  Tammuz 5
•  Mystery date brethren may be able to determine

He also “proved” it was the Feast of Trumpets just to make the point the Kingdom could never come on the Feast of Trumpets.

David C. Pack’s current performance anxiety could result from him running out of ideas.

 

The four emails sent within the same week offer illogical excuses that defy David C. Pack’s presumptuous commission to “rush to call it out” because his last message triggers a “tiny, tiny micron” before Jesus Christ can return. 

Boy, if all that does not line up just so, prophecy breaks, and God cannot move forward with His plan for the salvation of mankind. But, hey, Dave…no pressure.

Sunday, July 7, 2024
Subject: Upcoming Live Stream Message – Early This Week

Dear brethren,

Warm greetings from Headquarters!

Following yesterday's Bible study more knowledge has been gained requiring further explanation.

These will be detailed further in an upcoming message, likely Monday or Tuesday.

Look out for additional communication.

Warm regards, 
Church Administration

That idea almost lasted a whole day.

Monday, July 8, 2024
Subject: Upcoming Live Stream Message – Thursday, July 11

Greetings again brethren, 

For several reasons, it is better for Mr. Pack to speak on Thursday. This alone means we are not looking for this Wednesday.

However, he wanted to pass on that many of you may be able to determine the date if you take a moment to think about it and don't jump to any quick conclusions. Think back, starting about a month ago, and you will probably figure out exactly what day this is!

Warm regards,
Church Administration

Hours of holy time were devoted to listening to David C. Pack explain exactly what the Bible says with precision and accuracy, which was dissolved in a single sentence: "This alone means we are not looking for this Wednesday.” The energy spent could have been utilized better if RCG had constructed a giant domino obstacle course so that the single flip of a finger could have at least been interesting.

Informing the brethren that they may determine the day without further information but not jump to conclusions is a logic paradox that hurts my brain. By offering that they "may be able to determine the date” and “figure out exactly,” CAD asks them to come to a conclusion.

I may be a self-taught Packinese expert, but I have no idea what the brethren were expected to do. Most figured they should just hunker down and be patient until Thursday.

That also turned out to be a terrible idea.

Thursday, July 11, 2024 
Subject: Important Update: Livestream Bible Study - Cancelled

Greetings brethren,

As an update, Mr. Pack will not be speaking today. He will now speak on the Sabbath.

Further communication with timing details will follow.

Have a pleasant rest of your day!

Warm regards,
Church Administration

By this point, David C. Pack’s biblical performance anxiety was fully inflamed. The malarkey well had gone dry even though gallons of recyclables were stored in the basement.

I wonder if they locked the doors to the Third Floor Executive Imaginarium and issued another Headquarters-wide “Do not talk to Mr. Pack” edict like in times past.

Yeah, that was a real thing at Headquarters.

Employees were told in a staff meeting not to engage with Dave even when we ran into him in the office because he was easily distracted and could lose his train of thought. Even then, I chuckled to myself because if his inspiration had come from the Holy Spirit, that divine knowledge would not be lost to the ages because someone asked him how his weekend was.

It took a long time to realize that Headquarters hirelings are not spiritually-thinking people.

Imagine God is moving Dave’s mind toward understanding vital end-time knowledge that gets thwarted because a bootlicker asks about when a particular tree will bloom. I once stood beside a man who was so excited he got five minutes of Dave's attention. He was beaming. He was fired six months later.

Nope. None of that. Prophecy cannot fulfill itself. Dave must be locked away so he can concentrate and “try to figure out what God’s gonna do.”

 

The RCG holdouts clinging to patience by their fingernails had the cold, rigid CAD heel slam down on their fingers when the latest information did not survive a whole day.

Friday, July 12, 2024
Subject: Follow-up: Upcoming Live Stream Message – Tomorrow, July 13

Greetings brethren,

We trust this message finds you well!

As previously communicated, Mr. Pack had planned to speak this Sabbath. However, given timing, there is no need for him to speak since there may not be enough time for anyone to hear the message.

Coming off the timing-related email from earlier this week, do not assume that you know the day. Be prepared for an event that may come sooner than expected.

If we are here next week, Mr. Pack can share some additional inspiring knowledge.

Enjoy the Sabbath ahead!
Church Administration

Kevin Denee and I have a theory that David C. Pack will try to capitalize on the assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump. That Chicken Little rant will come, and somehow, it will make Dave “right” because “an event” occurred. Fox News has not stopped running in the Third Floor Executive Imaginarium and is visible from the Giant Eagle parking lot at the right time of day.

I doubt Dave will put his doctrinal marbles in the Richard Simmons death circle. It remains to be seen if he views Dr. Ruth Westheimer as a “dirty, filthy woman” among the ranks of Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian.

“If we are here next week" is laughable but also a lie. They knew we would be here this week. That line was just an excuse, not a reason. Today is Tammuz 10, and even I did not bother to "figure out" the date.

David C. Pack forfeited being the Goodman of the House because he neglected his self-proclaimed assignment when he decided not to speak because “there may not be enough time.” Once again, Dave’s god is terrible with timing because it gave its nincompoop lackey information too late to do anything with. That means whatever “inspiring knowledge” fell out of the sky into Dave's head while making a doodie in the toilet, not in his pants, was entirely vain.

There was plenty of time for people to hear Part 524 and be disappointed with failed date #85 since March 2022. The truth is Dave had no message to give. He was stalling and is stalling and will keep stalling until he builds a new prophetic Jenga tower and presents it as "what the Bible says.”

The CAD emails are smoke and mirrors for what is really happening behind the scenes. Instead of Dave admitting how uncomfortable and troubled he is, "inspiring knowledge” is just over the horizon.

With ten days of stalling, David C. Pack’s reoccurring prophetic performance anxiety is causing quiet rejoicing in RCG’s congregations throughout the world. Brethren, savor this respite because he will be back in full force to wrestle the Bible into submission, bending the Scriptures to conform to his twisted imagination.

It has been a while since we last saw David C. Pack’s performance anxiety, which is quite impressive for a man his age.

Marc Cebrian

See: Performance Anxiety