Crackpot Prophet: Unlike Me, Most COG Groups Are Too Stupid To Understand Daniel 11

Bow down and tremble before the all-knowing prophet, the absolute pinnacle of prophetic genius to ever bless the Church of God since Abel, Enoch, and Abraham deigned to show up on the scene. Some folks dare to whisper that Abel and Enoch were the original prophets, even if they weren't officially labeled as such in the divine HR department. Then along comes Abraham, getting direct hotline chats from God about future events, casually spreading his profound message and his, ahem, prolific seed across the globe like it was no big deal.

And let's not forget the legendary Samuel, whom God oh-so-conveniently used to drop some harsh truths on Eli about his utterly corrupt kids and the impending doom of those pesky Philistines swooping in to conquer Israel and snatch the Ark of the Covenant like it was a Black Friday doorbuster.

Fast-forward to this glorious year of 2025, and aren't we just utterly blessed—nay, dumbfounded—to be graced with a veritable parade of real, live prophets? I mean, we've got heavyweights like Dave Pack, Ron Weinland, Gerald Flurry, Alton Billingsley, and, drumroll please, the crowning jewel: our very own self-appointed, self-aggrandizing crackpot who's yet to cough up a single prophetic utterance that's even vaguely acquainted with reality. But hey, why let a little thing like zero accuracy cramp your style?

Alas, such trifling failures have never deterred the Great Bwana from smugly trashing his fellow so-called prophets and those pathetic Church of God splinter groups as a bunch of deluded, puppet-like morons too dim-witted to grasp scripture with the razor-sharp insight he alone possesses. Ah, the unparalleled perks of snagging your theology degree from that prestigious Indian diploma mill, conveniently housed in a luxurious double-wide trailer somewhere in the subcontinent. Who says God doesn't have a wicked sense of humor? Clearly, the Almighty's rolling in the aisles!

Today, this divine gift to humanity and the Churches of God decided to unleash his righteous fury on COGWA, United, and assorted other COG outfits, branding them as hopelessly ignorant fools who couldn't interpret Daniel 11 if their eternal salvation depended on it—which, according to him, it totally does. He proceeded to ridicule their interpretations as laughably shallow and utterly vapid, so disastrously wrong that they'll be blissfully clueless when the real moment arrives to hightail it to Petra, Pella, or whatever godforsaken dustbowl in the Middle East where the Great Bwana plans to lord over his flock like a desert despot.

He proclaims, with all the humility of a peacock on steroids:

Nearly all who are part of claimed and real Church of God (COG) groups such as the Philadelphia Church of God (PCG), United Church of God (UCG), COGWA, and Living Church of God (LCG) believe that their leaders understand end time prophecy.

Yet, the reality is that on many prophetic points the teachings of those groups are confused or otherwise in error. Some of their errors have to do with Daniel 11.

While many are aware of Gerald Flurry’s incorrect identification of Iran as the final “King of the South,” some may be surprised to realize that PCG, UCG, COGWA, and LCG do not understand the proper sequence of Daniel 11 nor the timing of the attacks by the King of the North.

I'm not about to inflict all of his twisted, labyrinthine interpretations that he hurls at each group like verbal grenades, but the crux of his eternal tantrum? He's still seething—positively boiling—that Rod Meredith had the audacity to ignore his brilliant insights. How dare he!

For years I tried to work with LCG on this point as they had a publication written by John Ogwyn that agreed with the sequence that I have taught–that the King of the North invades the USA and Anglo-Saxon nations prior to the invasion of the King of the South. John Ogwyn and the rest of the then LCG Charlotte-based evangelists all told me I was right about that. Yet, LCG has continued with two differing sequences that are in contradiction–which is confusing.

The Great Bwana doesn't stop there; oh no, he even takes a swing at Herbert Armstrong and the old Radio Church of God for their supposed ignorance:

Notice that Herbert Armstrong has Daniel 11:31 first, then the USA and UK getting attacked (Daniel 11:39). While it is true that the old Radio Church of God misunderstood the sequence originally, it changed decades ago–yet some (like in the leadership of PCG, UCG, and LCG) never have understood the change and still prefer to rely on an overridden tradition over the Bible.

But wait, plot twist! He then concedes that good ol' Herb eventually got it right:

From no later than 1979 until the time of his death, Herbert Armstrong correctly taught that the Great Tribulation first begins with an attack by the European King of the North, not that the King of the North first invades the King of the South.

Yet he can't resist circling back to savage LCG one more time. Ouch, that lingering butthurt must sting like a swarm of biblical locusts!

I tried to work with LCG on this for many years, and although their top evangelists agreed multiple times (and at least once it was agreed in a meeting by one of their leaders that WCG had changed its view by the 1970s to the biblical view I was advocating; they never changed their publications to reflect this.

The undisputed king of all narcissists then drops this gem, desperately wishing LCG would finally bow to his wisdom:

Since I was unable to get LCG to change while I was with it, despite agreements by its leaders to fix LCG’s errors on this point, hopefully pointing this error out again will assist them to correct it. Otherwise, this will be another area where those in LCG will misunderstand prophecy.

And for his grand finale, the Great Bwana unleashes his all-time favorite doomsday threat on every Church of God group under the sun:

One to consider is that unless they change their positions, NEITHER PCG NOR UCG NOR LCG OR OTHERS IN MANY COGS WILL REALIZE WHEN THE GREAT TRIBULATION WILL BEGIN AND THEIR SUPPORTERS WILL NOT FLEE TO BE PROTECTED IN A PLACE OF SAFETY IN THE WILDERNESS (Revelation 12:14-16). Their positions will be proven to be false.

But fear not, mere mortals! The Great Bwana swoops in like a caped crusader to rescue the day; he and his pint-sized cult alone clutch the sure word of prophecy and hoard all the truth. Prostrate yourselves before his overwhelming awesomeness, why don't you?

We in the Continuing Church of God strive to always rely on the Bible over tradition: “We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts” (2 Peter 1:19, KJV).

Remember, boys and girls, if and only if you repent and grovel at the feet of the one true Philadelphian church, you'll be doomed to never know the actual time to flee to Petra—where you'll endure a torturous 3 1/2 years of listening to the Great One drone on with his utterly fantastical, make-believe interpretations of Scripture. What a blessing!