“Take Your Meds, Napoleon”: Samuel Kitchen’s Epic Defense of Herbert Armstrong Involves Epstein, the Trans Movement, and a Dead Church That Totally Still Exists

Ladies, gentlemen, and whatever splinter-group remnant is still pretending Herbert Armstrong is alive and running things from beyond the grave, gather round. Samuel Kitchen has blessed us with yet another masterclass in Olympic-grade hypocrisy and weaponized delusion.

Samuel Kitchen wrote: 

(Quoting me) There would be no use or purpose for Banned by HWA if these COG groups didn’t exist.

You sensationalize their errors and abuses and spend your time redirecting blame back to Herbert W. Armstrong and the Worldwide Church of God.

It is hard to sensationalize the sheer stupidity at times that comes out of various COG groups these days. Copying and posting their own words lets the entire world see how degenerate Armstrongism has become. Every day, certain COG leaders sink lower and lower into the depths of depravity, each proudly boasting that all they know they learned at Herbert Armstrong’s feet—until God revealed new, hidden knowledge to them that he had been saving for these perilous end times.

Your mental condition is targeted towards a dead man and a Church you think is no more. When other churches trigger you, you roleplay your ‘Napoleon fixation’ again. That sounds like lunacy and something a mental ward would showcase.

You and Bob Thiel take yourselves far too seriously; I never have here. How can I take Armstrongism seriously when it is crazier than hell? All I can do most of the time is shake my head and laugh at some of the complete blather I read from ‘God’s Ministers.’

You can’t put those churches in their proper and right perspective. Not everyone is your devil. Your devil is Herbert Armstrong, and your fixation is a toxic fixation. You burn the effigy you keep in your mind again and again and again.

You are right, not every COG group is doing and saying bad things, though 90% of them are. There are those that work with children in Texas, those that work and do good in Africa and actually do a good work (unlike Bob Thiel’s vanity project). As for putting the churches in their proper and right perspective, what exactly would that be? There are hundreds and hundreds of splinter groups, each doing their own thing, all claiming they are the one and only way to truth and light, and yet not one of them can get along with the next, with some even telling their members which groups to stay away from, such as what you do.

No one was hurt by this Church. The actions that hurt people are actions condemned by this Church.

This is an absolute bald-faced lie, and you know it. Members have suffered greatly from marriage and divorce teachings, until Herb decided he wanted a new hottie to make him happy, and BANG, it all changed. The broken marriages and families torn apart before this were just collateral and swiftly cast aside.

Then some were scared to go to doctors, even for the smallest of things, due to the absurd teachings. If an anointed cloth could not be placed against their foreheads, then they suffered in pain and agony as martyrs for the truth, while Herb and crew went to doctors and were treated for all kinds of things. I was the one who was handed a suitcase that was full of medicine on January 16th, within hours after Herbert had died, and was told to go and burn it in the amphitheatre on campus.

Then there are the suicides of people whose lives had been so damaged by the church and its teachings that they could not bear to face another day. Being taught that we are all complete failures and are never good enough has a strong impact on the mental health of people. Add to that broken marriages, health issues, being gay, and even struggling with addictions to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. All of these things added up to an unbearable weight that led people to do tragic things.

And then there are the children molested and raped by ministers and church members in the church. The church covered those up as fast as they could. Thankfully, some members took them to court and publicly humiliated them and the church.

I have found more abuses coming from the changes in the 1990s, because they started accepting the behaviors and actions that hurt people.

The abusers just lied and said ‘it was you, not me.’

And they came forward like the trans-movement. Then cried abuse and hate when people rejected their filth. Not only did they abuse people, but they created a pedophile environment. They targeted the kids. I have first-hand eyewitness [accounts] to how they targeted kids and how they tried to destroy families! The only thing that held us together in love and peace was the way Herbert W. Armstrong taught, and something my parents would not compromise on. 

 

Now the perverts accuse Mr. Armstrong falsely. But no, they are the pedophiles, and they fed thousands of kids into the Epstein System, because they wanted change to be accepted.

If you expect us to believe the wild and fantastical stories you have told about your family with the government conspiracies, people out to kill your family, and other absurdities, then you are delusional. It is quite obvious that there are mental health issues in your family that have gone untreated for decades. This is a shining example of what happens to people who lose all sense of reality and embrace a cultish system that tells people they are more special than anyone else in the world.

These splinter groups are just those who facilitate the perverts of this world. They are doing things the Worldwide Church of God condemns and disapproves of.

The Worldwide Church of God does not exist and is not condemning anything that it disapproves of. In your delusional state of mind, you have stolen the name Worldwide Church of God, pretending that it is now completely in your hands, that it is the only church with the true government of God (like your absurd flowchart pretends, and which you stole from church publications in the 1970s/80s). You have stolen and plagiarized as much church literature as possible, pretending that Herbert is still alive and a worldwide ministry is behind you. 

You will never be able to accomplish ANYTHING that even remotely resembles the old Worldwide Church of God, AICF, etc. You most certainly will never buy the auditorium and be able to afford to maintain it. Maintaining it will cost millions of dollars a year, and you will NEVER have that, even though you say Jesus has personally informed you that you can now collect tithe money. What a lying farce!

And we are still alive. While you go further into the ‘trans-movement’ and pedophile rings. We survived the merchandising of our bodies.

This is so stupid it doesn’t even deserve a comment.

Keep your eyes on the TV screen.Take your medication, because your fixation is living, baby! And we won’t be destroyed! 

 

Translation: “I can accuse you of running Epstein’s pedophile ring and being part of the trans agenda, but you are not allowed to have any dramatic stories about my own family or me, and if you do, you’re the crazy one.”

This is the level of intellectual and moral consistency we’ve come to expect from the last, gasping defenders of Armstrongism.

Samuel Kitchen didn’t just respond to a post.

He performed a live autopsy on his own credibility and then blamed the corpse for bleeding.

Keep your eyes on the TV screen, Samuel.

The rest of us will be over here, medicated or not, still laughing at the blather.