This afternoon, during a nice nap, I had one of those “Church of God” Dreams that most people who grew up or were in the Worldwide Church of God often seem to have.
In this dream, I was led in the back of a large arena – obviously, where there was a convention going on. For some reason, I had the opportunity to have a conference with the Big Person in Charge, who happened to be Joseph Tkach. He was sitting behind a glass window, and I was in a line to talk to him. There were several behind me also waiting to talk to him.
When it was my turn, I asked him if I could return to the Orr, Minnesota SEP site. He began to answer with a rambling of some sort, I dared interrupt him, and his voice raised about two octaves with a “I am talking” in no uncertain terms intent, and I immediately shut up to let him speak. He then proceeded to tell me that the best times of a person's life are when they are 16 or 17. I told him that I was 16 or 17 when I went to SEP. He said something like “There you go”, and gave me a special green/white envelope of “Request to see the SEP Campus” that I had to fill out. I thanked him, and started walking down the hall to exit. As I was walking down the hall, I could hear the distinctive “Tkach Voice – Raised In Annoyance” lam-blasting someone else about something. When I left, someone else tried to get in to talk to Tkach, but the Secretary denied access and closed the camera-thing above the hall access-door.
A few years ago, I had another “COG” dream. In this dream, Herbert W. Armstrong himself – in spirit form – came down to Earth – alone. I was in the basement of what seemed to be a large, giant library. I heard Herbert call my name. I opened the box, and the “Spirit” of Herbert called out to me. Herbert apologized for everything that he did. I asked him why he did what he did, and he very remorsely said “I don't know.” He said he had to go, and I heard what sounded like a bell. I closed the small box that he was trapped in, and then, that was it. The voice was Herbert's, but a very, very mellow, humble, and contrite Herbert. I woke up, and thought “what a dream”.
I've had other “COG Dreams” because the COG was such a large, massive, over-whelming presence in my life over the years. I've had dreams where I'm back leading songs – but somehow screwing it up, or not having the proper hymns coordinated with the piano player, or forgetting I had the song service until the last moment. I've had dreams where I was giving the Sermonnette, but was wearing an awful, pathetic suit. I've had dreams where I felt that immense, consuming, powerful pride that I was in a higher position within the local church – and woke up completely disgusted and shameful about those untamed attitudes.
There's a big difference between the dreams that any one of us hundreds of thousands of people who lived in the COG's have – and the dreams that our current splinter leaders have. It's directly proportional to who we think we are in the grand scope of the universe, the church, and life.
When a typical person with a COG history – like me – has a COG dream, they do exactly what I did. They wake up, say “Wow, what a dream”, think about it, then go about their day. When a Current Splinter Leader has a dream (I'm thinking of one person in particular who needs straighter bookcases and nicer curtains), they think about it in the form that it is of world-impacting significance and importance. They think of themselves in such high regard and importance to the world, that every parcel and fractal of the dream takes on a divine significance – to them, to the other characters in the dream, and eventually, to the world. Their feelings of grandiose importance are so tremendous that they nearly take on their own prophetic ministry and theology based on what went on in the dream.
I recall when our Cheap Bookcase Prophet wrote a pretty lengthy oratory about a dream he had where “someone's line went down”, like a graph, and “his line went up”. Suddenly, this dream about “lines” went from dream to blog post to our Bookcase King of Bad Curtains suddenly using this dream as a divine affirmation that he was to take over the place and position of the owner of the “first line” that was going down on his dreamland bar graph. It went from dream to affirmation, to using the dream as a basis for an elevation in his position! The Might Waver of Gestures then had to tell everyone how this somehow was linked in to his own assumptions about The Mighty Double Blessing That Wasn't – somehow asserting what he thought in his head that a healing-anointing somehow was a hidden and morphed Ordination that elevated him from a simple layperson to a role he's always wanted but never got of an Important Dude in the church.
If I was to use the methodology that he uses with dreams, I could start a whole new belief system. I could say that the Spirit of Herbert Armstrong is trapped in a prison, and that he has become remorseful and contrite, and that I was granted a lone audience with Herbert to convey his apology and remorse for his actions. I could say that Herbert was timed and a bell signaled that “he had to go”. But I recognize it was a dream. I could also say that somehow I was in a parallel universe with Joseph Tkach, where he was now reduced to a receptionist – a rather forceful, assertive, and mean receptionist at that. I could think on that and somehow come to a bunch of conclusions about what that meant for Tkach's ministry, and all sorts of different conclusions – based on a dream. And to me – that would be naive, stupid, and dangerous.
Of course, Bob, and any COG member who ever listened to these stories would never buy their authenticity in a million years, even if they were! Why? Because these dreams contradict the beliefs they have already formed in their head. There's no immortal soul, there's no heaven, there's no conscious spirit, they would forcefully say – so obviously, it's just a complete figment of imagination and needs to be summarily dismissed. However, if you have a weird dream where one bar graph line goes down, and one bar graph line goes up, then, because it seems to affirm an already held strong belief, it's lauded up to some sort of divine affirmation.
This is a methodology that the COG's have down to a science, and a methodology that Kairan Underwood said that the PCG used in writing many of it's own articles for it's own flagship magazine. Look for anything you can find to confirm your beliefs, then throw out everything you can find that dismisses them. Take the smallest rock and elevate it to universal proportions. Or, take the biggest evidence and dismiss it completely because it contradicts already concreted viewpoints.
It was this methodology that Herbert Armstrong used over and over again in his ministry to legitimize his dogmas and doctrines. It was this methodology that Herman Hoeh used to support Herbert Armstrong's dogmas and doctrines. It was this methodology that field ministers used each Saturday while preaching to their congregations on their own belief divergences – within the lines of Armstrong's dogmas and doctrines. All of this led to variances of belief – within the confines of Armstrong's beliefs – which is why one local congregation sometimes varied considerably with another local congregation's experience. Every minister had, within the confines of their rank, that extreme hubris – only tempered by the dictatorial hand of Herbert Armstrong, who forcefully shot down any challenge or rise on his beliefs or his authority.
Once Herbert Armstrong died, once the Church collapsed, and that dictatorial hand of Herbert Armstrong was no longer holding down the hubris, pride, and self-beliefs of field ministers and evangelists under him – the individual dogmas and doctrines held by all the field ministers exploded without temperance. Now, 23 years later from the collapse of the church, we have one of them preaching a horrifying “All things common” doctrine, another one idolizing a simple garden rock, another one claiming to be a minister but never was ordained to the position, another one trying so hard to hold down the fort of his own rapidly crumbling splinter, another one who went to prison for trying too hard to replicate Herbert Armstrong's luxurious lifestyle – and then you have the weird and wacky ones who've only been able to grab a few hundred viewers on YouTube – literally the bottom of the barrel in YouTube Statistics and video viewers.
The methodology of the splinter leaders – Look for anything you can find to confirm your beliefs, throw out everything else that dismisses them, is how the Armstrong Churches of God have operated for decades.
In a recent expose' by a former writer of the PCG's Magazine "The Trumpet", and a true PCG Insider himself published right here on Banned By HWA, Kieran Underwood confirmed himself that this methodology has been used to write several publications by that splinter. But it's not only that splinter. One can easily see the exact personalities and attitudes that each of the COG leaders have. You can tell who is greedy, who is angry, who is physically oriented. You can tell who is jealous, who is wanting, who is child-like, who is wishing they were important, and who wants to bring back the glory days. By using this formula, you can tell very easily what an individual person's COG-Beliefs are – but more than that, you can tell who they are as a person. It is said that "By your fruits shall you know them." Equally true is that by their methods, you can see right through them, I would say.
And if you go by facts alone, the Splinter Leaders themselves have proven themselves to be completely enraptured in jealousy-driven, greed-oriented, physically-minded, money-loving, Herbert-worshiping religion that is not, never has been, and never will ever pass as any form of Christianity. All this is is a sham and a scam, exposing exactly who and what these splinters are – a reflection.
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