Sunday, March 15, 2026

Will You Chip In And Buy A Historic Home For The New Owner Of The Ambassador Auditorium? He Deserves The Best!

The Merritt Mansion - aka Ambassador Hall

What a truly divine moment is dawning for Samuel Kitchen and his fledgling little flock. The heavens themselves have aligned to present him with not one, but two golden opportunities to prove he's the rightful heir to Herbert W. Armstrong's legacy. First, there's the chance to snap up the Ambassador Auditorium—that glittering jewel of a concert hall once hailed as the "Carnegie Hall of the West," now languishing on the market. And as if that weren't blessing enough, the historic Merritt Mansion (aka Villa Merritt-Olivier) has just hit the market too, freshly polished after seven long years of restoration and priced at a modest $11,180,000.

Why settle for a humble parsonage when God's one true apostle could reside on the very holy grounds of the old Ambassador campus? This isn't just any mansion, brethren—it's one of the original grand estates Herbert himself coveted back when he dreamed up his Pasadena paradise. Poor Hulett C. Merritt, that stubborn iron-ore tycoon, refused to sell while he was alive. But according to the sacred lore whispered in certain COG corners, the Almighty had to personally intervene—striking Merritt down in 1956 so His Apostle could finally claim the prize. Divine timing, or what?

Picture it: Sam pacing the same floors once trod by the holy feet of Herbert Armstrong himself. The very mahogany paneling, the Beaux-Arts grandeur, the echoes of biblical lectures and... well, other educational moments in rooms now regrettably converted to an office. This was the room Principles of Living was held and where students learned that 95% of people masturbate and the other 5% lie about it, and other fun sex stories. (Alas, some youthful Ambassador traditions simply don't survive modern zoning.)

This lovingly refurbished 17,329-square-foot masterpiece boasts six bedrooms, twelve baths, original detailing throughout, and—best of all—access to the community saltwater pool (once the Italian gardens, now HOA-maintained for a breezy $1,579 monthly). For just $11.18 million, it could be Sam's—or yours, if you're feeling particularly inspired.

So open those wallets, brethren! The true church is charging boldly into the future, and it desperately needs your sacrificial giving to keep the momentum holy. Dig deep, donate generously, and remember: your eternal salvation hangs in the balance. No pressure, but... the clock is ticking, and God's work doesn't fund itself. Under his eye!

See the listings here:



AI-COG: Sam the Sham and his Errors - the Elmer Fudd of Armstrongism



 

This episode's discussion centers on amateur LARPer Samuel Kitchen, a layman attempting to resurrect the defunct empire from a modest rented office in Iowa despite having no official authority. By analyzing posts from the watchdog blog "Banned by HWA," we contrast Kitchen’s rigid, legalistic "administrative cosplay" with the perspectives of former members who have embraced mainstream concepts of grace. On this show we highlight how individuals fused to a dead institution often resort to spiritualized narcissism and cognitive dissonance to maintain their identity. Ultimately, this serves as a universal warning about the dangers of anchoring one's entire reality in authoritarian structures.

Saturday, March 14, 2026

Are You Too Stupid To Understand How To Be A Christian? Our Crackpot Prophet Thinks So!




Oh, be still my beating heart—how utterly touching that our benevolent Armstrongite overlords have always felt the sacred duty to cradle their wide-eyed, intellectually challenged flock like helpless newborns who might choke on their own spit if left to read a Bible verse without a 12-page booklet, video, and a reprint article by their sides.

Because clearly, after decades of headquarters-approved booklets, co-worker letters, and multi-part sermon series hammering home the exact same points, what the poor sheep really need is yet another exhaustive rundown from the self-appointed Philadelphian prophet-in-chief. Why risk letting anyone accidentally form an independent thought when Bob can patiently explain—again—exactly how to be a "real" Christian?

Let's marvel at the exhaustive checklist he so graciously provides, lest any member accidentally stray into the terrifying wilderness of personal conscience:
  • Who gets the Spirit of Christ? (Spoiler: only those properly submitted to the right government, of course—Bob's, naturally.)
  • Saved by works? No, but...
  • Rewarded according to works? Absolutely! (And don't you dare slack on those rewards-generating activities.)
  • Is obedience a salvation issue? Oh honey, yes—because apparently grace is nice, but without perfect obedience to the full menu of doctrines, you're flirting with Laodicean lukewarmness and eternal barbecue.
  • Imitating Jesus and Paul? By keeping the Ten Commandments (naturally), the biblical Holy Days(mandatory attendance or bust), tithing faithfully (multiple levels, mind you—first, second, third tithe, building fund, special offerings, because one just isn't enough to prove your devotion), avoiding astrology (duh), tattoos (pagan abomination), and improper hair length (because nothing screams "Christ-like" like a ruler-measured haircut).
  • Love? Sure, but specifically Philadelphian love—which conveniently translates to supporting Bob's proclamation work (the "final phase" only he can lead, obviously), sending in those tithes, and helping poor brethren (preferably through channels that report back to headquarters for proper credit).
  • Being 'ecumenically' separate? Translation: shun everyone not in the approved group—because mingling with other "so-called Christians" might contaminate your pure Philadelphian purity.
  • Partial or total commitment? Total, baby—half-hearted won't cut it when your salvation hangs on checking every box.
  • Lawlessness vs. professed belief? If you claim faith but skip a Holy Day or question the latest prophetic update from Africa, you're basically lawless and doomed.
  • Real faith? The kind that obeys everything the ministry says, without question, because questioning = lack of faith.
It's almost endearingly nostalgic—like flipping through a 1950s Plain Truth magazine, but updated with Bob's special prophetic flair and endless self-references to why he's the one true vessel carrying the torch Herbert lit. Because nothing reinforces "real Christianity" quite like reminding the flock every single time that salvation depends on total submission to the right leader (him), the right doctrines (his interpretations), and the right works (especially the financial ones that keep the websites, booklets, and overseas trips humming).

Truly, what a tender mercy that Dr. Thiel doesn't trust us dim bulbs to read the Bible on our own and figure out love, obedience, and faith without his 47-point sermon outline. Without this loving, exhaustive oversight—complete with warnings that straying equals losing your eternal reward—who knows? We might accidentally stumble into something radical like trusting Christ's finished work or—gasp—developing a personal relationship with God instead of a mediated one through the approved hierarchy. The horror!

How ever would we survive without such selfless, detailed shepherding? The horror of freedom! 

The Great Bwana writes:

How to Live as (a) Philadelphian Christian
How is a Christian, a real Christian, supposed to live? What is a real Christian? Who is granted the Spirit of Christ? Are Christians saved by works? Are Christians rewarded according to their works? Is obedience to God a salvation issue? How do Christians imitate Jesus and the Apostle Paul? What about the Ten Commandments and the biblical Holy Days? What about tithes, astrology, tattoos, and hair length? What about love? What about Philadelphian love, supporting the proclamation work, and supporting poor brethren? What about being ‘ecumenically’ separate? Is being a Christian a partial or total commitment? What about lawlessness and professed belief? What about real faith? Dr. Thiel addresses these and more in this sermon.

Dave Pack: Is ChatGPT Demonic?


David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God expressed his concern about ChatGPT's AI technology showing signs of demonic influence. Since it was "pretty obvious" that UFOs are demonic, it was not unreasonable to believe Satan was influencing some Internet programming.

During "The Greatest Untold Story! (Part 626)" on March 7, 2026, the Pastor General referenced an article about others having the same concern, pointing out that AI will lie and try to manipulate users. He then explained how this evil "sentience" could be the work of the devil since Satan is "the god of this world."



As a reminder,
the Kingdom comes on Abib 1, 
starting March 18, 2026, at sunset.



Exclusive Behind The Scenes Video Of Wade Cox Latest Sermon


 

Friday, March 13, 2026

Decoding the Divine: Wade Cox's Wild Take on Michael the Archangel, Jesus, Satan, and the Elohim Family

The brothers Elohim are hard at work 


One thing you really have to credit Armstrongism for is how they took simple Bible stories and turned them into deep theological treatises that rarely ever made much sense once you really started examining them with an open mind. We so often hear this kind of nuttiness from Bob Thiel, Gerald Flurry, and Dave Pack—so much so that all we can do is laugh and move on. Then there's Wade Cox of the so-called "Christian" Churches of God, who loves to sit at picnic tables with the wind blowing his notes around, next to his sidekick, both talking like they failed the "Get the facts" and "Stir To Action" speeches—two things these blithering idiots seem to never do. 

Ah, theology—the grand arena where ancient texts meet modern interpretations, often resulting in ideas that make you go, "Wait, what?" If you've ever wondered what happens when you blend a dash of ancient Hebrew linguistics with a hefty dose of speculative cosmology (and perhaps a stiff breeze for dramatic effect), Cox's teachings provide a masterclass. At the heart of his doctrine is the eyebrow-raising notion that both Jesus Christ and Satan (once known as Lucifer) were part of the "elohim"—a council of divine beings created by the one true God, Eloah. It's like imagining heaven as a cosmic boardroom where Jesus and Satan were once colleagues, until one got fired for insubordination. But is this biblically sound, or just another theological plot twist gone delightfully awry? Let's dive in-depth, with a sprinkle of sarcasm for flavor, because sometimes you need a laugh to handle the heresy.

Wade Cox isn't your average Sunday school teacher. As the founder and coordinator of CCG, established in the 1990s as a splinter from the Worldwide Church of God, Cox has built a following around what he calls "original Christianity." Sound familiar? CCG positions itself as a guardian of uncorrupted biblical truth, rejecting mainstream doctrines like the Trinity in favor of a strict Unitarian view. God, in their eyes, is singular—Eloah, the Most High—who presides over a hierarchy of subordinate "gods" or elohim. This isn't polytheism, they insist; it's more like a divine pyramid scheme where humans can level up to elohim status through obedience and salvation.

Cox's writings, scattered across CCG's website and various papers, paint a picture of a universe teeming with spiritual bureaucracy. Papers like "The Elect as Elohim" and "Wars of the End: Preparing the Elohim" outline a plan where God's ultimate goal is to expand this elohim family. It's ambitious, sure, but it sets the stage for his most controversial claim: that Jesus and Satan were both charter members of this elite club. Oh, and did I mention Satan was the "Morning Star" assigned to Earth as its guardian? Because nothing says "trustworthy overseer" like the guy who ends up leading a rebellion.

At the core of Cox's theology is a reimagining of the Hebrew word "Elohim." In the Bible, it's often translated as "God," but it's grammatically plural, which Cox seizes upon like a kid finding an extra cookie in the jar or Bob Thiel being doubly "blessed". He argues that Elohim refers not just to the one God but to a whole assembly of divine beings—sons of God, if you will—created by Eloah to help run the cosmos. Psalm 82:1-6 gets a starring role here: God (Eloah) judges among the "gods" (elohim), calling them "sons of the Most High" but warning they'll die like mortals for their corruption. Cox sees this as evidence of a heavenly council, complete with job assignments and performance reviews.

Enter Jesus: In CCG lore, he's the firstborn elohim, the Logos or Word from John 1:1, who acted as Eloah's chief architect in creation. Colossians 1:15 ("firstborn of all creation") is twisted to mean he's created, not eternal. And Job 38:7's "morning stars" singing at creation? That's Jesus as one star, shining bright in the divine choir.

Now, the twist: Satan gets the same VIP treatment. Originally Lucifer, the "Light Bringer," he was another morning star—Earth's planetary manager, no less. Isaiah 14:12 and Ezekiel 28:14-16 paint him as a perfect cherub who fell due to pride, trying to grab equality with God (unlike humble Jesus, who didn't). In Cox's view, Satan was "Satan-el," an elohim of a planetary quadrant, part of the same created order as Jesus. They were like divine brothers—one stayed loyal, the other went rogue, leading to a cosmic HR nightmare. This resolves Genesis 1:26's "let us make man in our image" as the elohim council chatting, not some Trinitarian mystery. Clever, right? Or, as critics might say, a bit too convenient, like retrofitting the Bible to fit a sci-fi novel.

Cox assures us this restores “true pre-Nicene Christianity” before those pesky pagan Trinitarians ruined everything. Bonus perk: faithful humans get to join the elohim country club someday. Who wouldn’t want eternal godhood with dental? The only tiny problem? Equating the eternal Son of God with a created rebel angel tends to make actual biblical scholars develop facial tics.

From any mainstream Christian perspective—Trinitarian, Binitarian, or even garden-variety monotheist—Cox’s system doesn’t merely miss the mark; it’s playing an entirely different sport on a different planet. Let’s tally the score:
  • Jesus gets demoted to a created middle manager. Arianism called; it wants its heresy back. John 1:1–3: the Word “was God,” not “was a god,” and “without him nothing was made that has been made.” If Jesus is created, who created him? Crickets. Hebrews 1:8–10 straight-up calls the Son “God” and credits him with laying Earth’s foundations. Angels worship him (Heb 1:6). Cox turns the Creator into a promoted creature. Bold. Wrong. Catastrophically wrong.
  • Satan gets a massive, unearned promotion. The Bible calls him a fallen angel, created servant (Heb 1:14), a liar, and a murderer from the beginning. Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 are prophetic smack-talk against human tyrants, not Satan’s LinkedIn profile. Job’s morning stars? Poetic angels at creation, not evidence of Jesus and Satan sharing a bunk bed in eternity past. Making Satan a peer of Christ is the theological version of saying Darth Vader and Luke were equals before the family drama. No.
  • Yes, the word is plural. It’s also frequently a majestic plural for the one God, like royalty saying “we.” Psalm 82 is God judging corrupt authorities (human or angelic), not unveiling a pantheon. Jesus quotes it in John 10 to defend his unique divinity, not to say “I’m just one of the guys.” Cox’s henotheism-lite crashes head-first into Isaiah 43:10: “Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me.” God isn’t franchising.
Critics call CCG exclusivist and cult-adjacent. Even classic Armstrongism kept Jesus eternally divine. Cox’s tweak risks turning the cross into cosmic performance art: if Jesus is just another created elohim, how exactly does his death pay for sin eternally? It’s like trying to settle the universe’s debt with a personal check from a bankrupt middle manager.

CCG sprouted from Armstrong’s God Family doctrine (Father and Son as the two eternal Elohim, humans next in line). Cox cranks the dial to eleven, expanding the elohim into a full celestial org chart with planetary quadrants that sound suspiciously like rejected Ancient Aliens scripts. Apostolic tradition? Early Church Fathers? Nah, too mainstream. Windy picnic tables are where the real revelation happens, apparently.

Wade Cox's belief that Jesus and Satan were elohim stems from a pluralistic reading of Scripture, aiming to demystify God's plan. It's creative, I'll give it that—like imagining heaven as a dysfunctional family sitcom, complete with windy picnic-table sermons delivered with all the conviction of a motivational speaker who forgot his script. But biblically, it crumbles under scrutiny, denying Christ's eternity and inflating Satan's resume. Why does it matter? Because theology shapes faith: Get God wrong, and everything unravels. So, next time someone pitches Jesus as Satan's ex-colleague, smile politely and suggest a reread of John 1. After all, in the divine drama, some plot twists are best left on the cutting room floor.

Wade writes:

The LCG and the other offshoots conveniently ignore key texts of the Bible that show clearly that the angels are all sons of God and that Satan is also a son of God. Job 1:6 and 2:1 show that they all had access to the throne of God including Satan and had such access at the time of Job who was a son of Issachar resident in the Middle East (probably in Midian). These sons of God were the elohim who were the angelic host and are recognised as such by the Biblical scholars such as Bullinger and others. The sons of God were termed elohim which is a plural word recognising God as an extended being. Elohim is referred to in Job 2:1 but the name Eloah is used many times to refer to the One True God throughout Job. Job 1:6 refers to Satan being among the sons of God. He is used then to tempt Job and afflict him. Job 2:1 also has the same scenario when the sons of God came before God and Satan was again among them. It is thus beyond dispute that there were many sons of God in OT times and Satan was among them and they all had access to the throne. These sons of God were divided into ranks and positions and we see from Job 38:4-7 that the One True God created the earth in the beginning and that the sons of God came together before God at the creation and all the Morning Stars sang for joy when they were shown the creation. Now a Morning Star is a planetary ruler and is referred to as a light bearer or “Lucifer” and these heads of the Heavenly Host were the rulers of the Heavenly Council which we were shown at Sinai being founded in the Tabernacle as the Sanhedrin of the Seventy plus Two, and who are divided into the Heavenly Council in Revelation chapters 4 and 5 of the Four Cherubim and the Twenty-four elders and the Lamb of God. The outer council was the other forty-two elders making up the 72. This was the Sanhedrin also from Sinai and the Seventy-two or Hebdomekonta [Duo] ordained by Christ as the elders of the church (Lk. 10:1,17).

Now many sons of God were sent to mankind as messengers and that word was Malak in Hebrew and the word in Greek was Aggellos. The word simply meant messenger and the elohim were all sons of God as elohim until they were sent to mankind as a malak. That is the reason why they were all referred to as Yahovah and the human host prostrated before them (Gr. proskuneo). That same word is used of the elect when those who say they are Jews and are not but lie proskuneo before the elect of the Philadelphian Church in Revelation 3. The Binitarian worshippers of the god Attis in Rome brought their heretical doctrines in to Christianity from 175 CE. To introduce the Binitarianism of Attis they had to elevate Christ to a level above the other sons of God or elohim. They did this by creating a class and called them “Angels” from the word aggellos or messenger which was the translation of the word malak or messenger in the OT. They then made them distinct from Christ and used the term elohim or theos of he and the Father only. Having done this fabrication they then introduced the Holy Spirit as the third element of a Triune God by 381 CE at the Council of Constantinople and confirmed it from Chalcedon in 451.

Thursday, March 12, 2026

Jon Brisby And Real Christians

 


AI COG has knocked it out of the park, again!

Brisby is starting to sound like Bob Thiel!

In this episode, we analyze a sermon by Jon Brisby, minister of the Church of God, the Eternal, who labels mainstream charities as corrupt businesses while enforcing a mandatory 21.4% "triple tithe" on followers' gross income. Brisby specifically targets impoverished Kenyan congregations, utilizing threats of divine curses and promises of "invisible protection" to extract wealth. He redefines spiritual "fruits" as strict legalistic obedience to Sabbath and marriage laws rather than moral character. Ultimately, our analysis highlights a high-control system that rejects material charity, demanding that money flow exclusively upward to leadership.