Saturday, April 18, 2020

Why Can't COG Preachers Stay On Topic?



Banned's most favorite false prophet (right after Dave Pack, Gerald Flurry, Ron Weinland, and Zerubbabel, of course) is The Great Bwana to Africa, the Chief Overseer of the improperly named "continuing" Church of God, the modern-day Elisha, Elijah, Habbakuk, Amos, Joshua, dreamer of dreams and the most infamously doubly-blessed man the Church of God has EVER seen, has preached a new sermon on the four horsemen of Revelation, COVID-19 and the Rise of his Beast Buddy Baron Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg.


A truly effective speaker speaks on one topic when they speak.  Our prophet is different, in more ways than one, his mind wanders just like his jazz hands do when he starts bouncing in his chair and waving his arms.


His latest message contains the following:
The 6th chapter of the Book of Revelation tells of the ride of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. What do each represent? 
Is the novel coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, part of the fourth horseman? 
Does the Bible point to around 2 billion people dying from hunger, war, and the beasts of the earth? 
Was the ancient Roman Empire impacted by pestilences? 
What about the black death, also known as the Bubonic plague? 
Are disease epidemics part of the beginning of sorrow and troubles that Jesus spoke about in Matthew 24 and Mark 13? 
Does the pale green horseman represent Islam? 
Could genetically modified organisms (GMOs) or synthetic biology cause or contribute to coming pandemics? 
Is chemical and biological warfare (CBW) a real threat to humanity? 
What about a doomsday bug or antibiotic resistant superbugs? 
Is fear a contagion that will help people move away from democracy? 
Will scientists be able to stop what is coming? 
It the good news that the Kingdom of God will? 
Could COVID-19 be setting the stage for the rise of the ‘prince,’ who will become the totalitarian Beast of the Sea (also known as 666 and the King of the North)? 
Is this leader similar to the Great Monarch of Greco-Roman Catholic prophecies? 
When is the Great Monarch supposed to arise according to the Eastern Orthodox? 
Why might Europe be less affected by the ride of the third horseman that the US, Canada, and the UK? 
Are governments taking steps now, consistent with the words of Adolf Hitler? 
What seal represents the start of the Great Tribulation? Which Christians did Jesus promise to protect from the coming “hour of trial”? 

Here is some Excedrin to ease the mindnumbing pain at the thought of listening to him drone on about ALL of these topics in his so-called sermon.


13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am going to start calling him "Trampoline Bob" I just checked out his video. I never noticed how much he bounces around when his hands start waving.

Anonymous said...

He's also a finger lickin' page turner. Gross! Bob, please get a rubber finger!

In his golden years, I felt GTA was good at covering a range of topics in one sermon, but he kept it organised and always pulled back to his main point.

Byker Bob said...

All of these so-called leaders have one thing in common. The size of their empires provides a very good indicator of their effectiveness as leaders. They all realize this, which is the rationale behind them inflating, overstating, and overselling the size and stature of their ministries.

If I were to make one recommendation to Bob Thiel, it would be to study drama and theatre. Become active in community plays up there in Arroyo Grande. He'd have access to people who could coach him on effective usage of voice, facial expressions, and gestures. The booboos he's making over and over are not just going to miraculously disappear. Those require much work to shed. Garner Ted, as an example, had a demeanor equal to the top newscasters of his day, and could have easily segued into acting.

Would this be fake or disingenuous? First of all, we're talking Armstrongism here, which is an essence about as bogus as they come. So, no worries about being fake. However, in attempting to capture an audience, Bob is competing with speakers and personalities who have actually honed their crafts, and have greater skills in obtaining peoples' attention. HWA, in his autobiography, chronicled his grooming of Walt Dillon, his brother in law, to win an oratorical contest. Apparently, Walt won! As an AC student, I got to listen to some of GTA's archival original broadcast tapes, and compared to the voice we all knew, he sounded as if he had inhaled helium for his first attempts.

One further caution for Bob. It's been widely reported that he has a fondness for East Indian diploma mills. If those reports are true, if they are part of a lifelong trend, I would caution him against turning to Bollywood for drama coaching or studies.

Once Bob has done this, perhaps we can direct our attentions more towards his actual message than to the more obvious defects.

BB

Anonymous said...

In Revelation chapter 20 verse 5
You read of the thousand years,
Knock off the noughts and that leaves one
And that means you, the begotten son!

Hoss said...

BB - Good assessment and advice. The only alternative is to script everything and get a professional presenter. As expected, this attempt was all over the place. I wonder how he did in Spokesman's Club?
GTA - I heard some of his early audio presentations, and a film clip from the 1950s, and he was a bit squeaky. He came across much better when I first heard him on radio in the mid-1960s.

RSK said...

I dont know if you ever noticed, but when David Hulme first started working the World Tomorrow telecast, it took him a few weeks to learn how to sit still during shooting. He bounced all over the chair in the first three or four episodes.

Bob's been doing this how long now and still hasnt picked up the fundamentals.

Anonymous said...

just poor planning....same with 1.5hr - 2hr sermons....no excuse for that.

Anonymous said...

Bob Thiel is a failed Catholic.Really, he is.

Pope Pius.

Tonto said...

I used to like to read Isaac Asimov/s column in "Science Fiction and Fantasy" magazine, decades ago.

Asimov's column usually discussed interesting science concerning the universe, astronomy, space travel, and other related topics.

However, some very talented people cannot resist commenting on topics outside of their immediate realm of expertise. When Asimov started talking about economics and politics, he was well out of his league, and came off rather amateurish and out of his central purvey.

The COG has historically always tried to be the "Answer Source" for literally EVERYTHING! From human relations, politics, economics, nutrition, sex, virtually every area of life! Ministers were expected to be the end all, be all as the oracles and final arbiters of all truth. An impossible standard, and it obviously failed greatly. Thiel tries to emulate that mold, by being the universal "Mr. Answer Man".

In Thiel's case, he offers little to none in terms of credentials of any sort, and then dares to pontificate about every possible topic under the sun. Hey, if the guy is so prophetic, smart, insightful and wise, he should just go on down to the commodity pits, and make billions trading off of his "amazing brilliance" or start a Hedge Fund , and lay off trying to get donations from anyone!

Redfox712 said...

Regarding the recent figures of PCG members I thought it was odd how suspended members were included as well. ESN has just published a letter that seems to explain this:

"How the PCG Counts Members:

April 18, 2020

When the PCG counts members they count in ones that are suspended and haven’t even attended for many years. They keep their names as members unless marked. So I am still a member in their books. A friend of mine who has been out 9 years is still a member. I wouldn’t use any info the PCG puts out."

End of quote.

So it appears that PCG's number are not reliable and are probably too high.

Anonymous said...

Some people have a personal hostility towards bob theil and cant get over a need to attack him relentlessly while there are bigger fish to fry.

R.L. said...

At least the list of questions will make it easier to take notes.

Anonymous said...

Anon 341 wrote: Some people have a personal hostility towards bob theil

So you consider Bob a small fry?
I feel no hostility or animosity to Bob. Initially I wrote to Bob directly with suggestions, corrections, factual and informative items. He did seem to be accepting of factual correction to a point. Sometimes critique within a forum such as Banned is far more effective.