It is another sunny day in the whack-a-doodle world of Armstrongism. Never a day goes by without some fresh batch of craziness vomiting itself onto the internet for the remaining handful of true believers to marinate in. This week's double feature comes straight from the Grover Beach headquarters of Crackpot Bob Thiel, self-anointed prophet, Ph.D. in something-or-other, and proud owner of the world's most flexible end-time chart.
In his latest letter to the faithful, Bob announces the next phase of his "Going Thru the Bible" plan. After supposedly covering every verse of 26 of the 27 New Testament books (a claim that would make any competent scholar laugh until they needed oxygen), he is now launching a brand-new series: Revealing Revelation. The goal? Cover every single verse of the Book of Revelation.
Here's the catch, straight from the man himself:
Unlike the previous series on other books of the Bible, I only expect to cover perhaps one sermon per month or so related to the Book of Revelation. Why? Well, for one, I do not want to rush the process. And for another, we may be seeing the fulfillment of certain prophesied events which will allow me to better see how certain events may tie in with prophecies in the Book of Revelation.
Translation: Bob does not actually know how the end-time sequence works, so he needs to drag this out for over two years while he watches the news and rewrites his timeline on the fly. The bouncing and flouncing will be legendary. Expect endless "this could be the beginning of sorrows... or not... let's wait and see what happens next month" sermons while the tiny flock is told that slow-walking the Apocalypse is somehow deep biblical scholarship.
Once the series finally limps across the finish line (sometime around 2028, give or take a failed prophecy or two), Bob hints that "we may produce a book on this." Of course he will. Books are Crackpot Bob's love language. Nothing says "I have unique insight that no one else in Church of God history has possessed" quite like another self-published booklet that will be translated into however many languages the next press release claims.
Speaking of books, the same letter pivots to the real star of the show: The Gospel of the Kingdom of God. Joan Galloway reported that it is now available in 125 languages online, with more in the works. (Earlier CCOG material has inflated the number into the hundreds or even "nearly 2,000 languages/dialects." Pick a number, brethren-the important thing is that it sounds impressive.) Bob then quotes Revelation 5:8-10, Revelation 7:9-11, and Romans 14:11 to argue that these translations will somehow produce "massive numbers of followers from all over and in all languages" right before the Tribulation.
In other words, the actual gospel of Jesus Christ is apparently insufficient. What the world has been missing all this time is Bob Thiel's booklet. The four living creatures and the twenty-four elders are presumably on standby, waiting for the next language drop so the great multitude can finally show up.
It is genuinely impressive how Armstrongist ministers can present themselves as profound biblical scholars while repeatedly demonstrating the opposite. Bob is not revealing Revelation. He is stretching it out so he can keep adjusting his private interpretations whenever the headlines refuse to cooperate with the script he inherited and then modified. The book is not about to gather the nations. It is about keeping a shrinking group convinced that their particular leader still has the "open door" and the special insight everyone else lacks.
Two years of monthly Revelation sermons while the prophet waits for world events to catch up to his chart is not careful scholarship. It is a slow-motion admission that the system does not work the way it was sold. And the multilingual booklet is not evidence of a unique end-time work. It is marketing.
Welcome to another week in Armstrongism. The bouncing continues. The flouncing is scheduled. And the book will be updated as needed.
6 comments:
Revelation has long been a favorite book with religion and prophecy buffs, no matter what denomination. (Ask the SDA's.)
Perhaps the thinking is that by taking his time, Dr. Thiel can build an audience.
Were waiting to see when Bob will announce the 2 Witchdoctor Witnessess aka Evans Ocheing and Radson Mulowzoa. Bob can use them to produce 10,000 members for CCCOG instead of Radson Mulowzoa's stupid stories of thousands every Feast . Bob must be under the witchdoctors charms to show these stupid pictures of 10 or 30 people when he claims thousands. His dwindling Caucasian flock should demand proof. It's so stupid. Stupid is as Stupid does. 👹👺🧹
He ought to be giving the Brethren pointers on how to live in the post climate change world. Of course most of them probably think the jetstreams are a 747's comtrails, so it would most likely go over their heads.
Hey Bob, Robert Greene is an expert on stupidity. You need to check out his work. He says people are stupid because they have a narrow understanding and are ignorant of the vast oceans of truth outside their little world. And they get very overconfident in their views. He also says stupidity has caused more harm that evil because there are more stupid people than really evil people. You need to check him out. So does everybody else.
Bob should just concentrate on helping his community with the funds he receives from his Caucasian members and do a Ministry that helps the homeless with free meals and vitamins instead of wasting God's money on Witchdoctors, nobody is fooled by his African fiasco fantasy dreams.
There is an underground or backdoor business model which may apply here. It is called "Turning Your Hobby Into a Business". This frequently involves the proprietor keeping his day job, which minimizes financial risk, as the hobby is gradually expanded. It also allows for offbeat, or non-mainstream practices which suit the proprietor's personality, habits, and lifestyle, but are generally not used by professionally organized companies and corporations. I've been in a position to watch this happen, as I've provided and supported equipment to a few dozen such hobbyists over the decades, who did start their businesses in their living rooms or garages. Some of these folks, within the space of a few years and lots of hard work, have grown out of their homes and actually grew to the point where they were listed in the local business journal's book of lists. Others were more comfortable remaining small, their business tailored to the limitations of the owner's personality.
The big "wazoos" of Armstrongism, with their pedigrees from Ambassador College and years of active tenure with the old Radio/Worldwide Church of God have already forwarded their experience and contacts into the larger ACOG organizations. Any followers they may have had, rolled along with them into the larger orgs. These followers were the folks who had known them as "God's Ministers", the arcane jargon which was so quaintly applied to them in their earlier employment experience by their mentor, Herbert W. Armstrong, eponymously known as "God's Apostle", "the Elijah to come", etc.
To lump the hobby as business entrepreneurs in with the big wazoos would bring along unreasonable comparisons and expectations. Absenting a really hot new product, or an incredibly insightful novel approach, they cannot and will not ever rise to the level of the big guys. Most people are attracted to known success, something that appears to be working for others. References build mass appeal. There is a buzz to that; it "pops" so to speak. Incredible product loyalty also comes into play. Just as a buyer may have decades of loyalty to General Motors cars and trucks, or Konica-Minolta printers and copiers, people tend to remember decades of experience, and unless they somehow "got a lemon", the positive years prevent them from even entertaining the idea of going with a small, startup organization professing to provide the same experience of the established leaders.
No trashing of specific individuals intended, just a rational assessment of the constantly evolving state of the Armstrong Problem, and the types of players involved. Obviously some will invoke the added dimension of personal callings, since it is a religious hobby which we are discussing. For some, enough years have elapsed to know that time has told. For others? You can see what has happened to those who have gone before you. The pages of "The Journal" used to be littered with advertisements from the little guys who thought they were special, but went to their dirt naps with nothing remarkable having happened for all their hype and labor. Hopefully, they retained their day jobs.
How can you build an empire when the largest purveyors of your product have been shrinking for years???
BB
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