Crackpot Prophet Says He Is Preparing For His "Fifteen Minutes Of Fame"

God's favorite Crackpot Prophet pounding the beat in Jerusalem

The sun has been blazing like a furious inferno here in mid and southern California, with temperatures skyrocketing into the scorching upper 90s—hot enough to melt sanity itself! This blistering heatwave has clearly deep-fried the noggin of our absolute favorite Crackpot Prophet, the self-anointed God's gift to the church, the world, and probably the multiverse. I mean, who could've possibly scribbled on their apocalyptic Bingo card that the Magnificent Great Bwana Bob Mzungu Thiel would stoop to quoting Andy Warhol of all people? But alas, in this clown car of a reality, here we are, folks...

For reasons that defy all logic, reason, and probably basic physics, the Great Bwana hallucinates himself being dramatically catapulted onto the global stage, duking it out with the Beast Power, the dastardly Baron Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg (cue ominous thunder), and the entire Catholic Church. Picture this: he and his sidekick Ron Weinland prancing around Jerusalem like a pair of bumbling vaudeville acts, dubbing themselves the Two Witless Witnesses. His so-called "work"—oh, what a masterpiece of delusion!—will be so earth-shatteringly powerful that it'll get axed prematurely, just like a bad reality TV show. And get this: he hilariously cherry-picks quotes from Daniel as irrefutable proof of his own cosmic magnificence. Because nothing says "divine prophet" like a side of biblical fanfic!

The Great Bwana, in his infinite humility, views his utterances as so utterly superfantabulous—nay, galactically sublime—that they'll enrage the Baron faster than a bad tweetstorm, and boom! The crap will hit the fan with the force of a meteor strike! Our villainous Baron will lash out like a scorned soap opera star, launching a full-frontal assault on the hilariously misnamed "Continuing Church of God." He'll round up ex-COG members like they're Pokémon, coaching them to spill the beans, badmouth the Great Bwana, and betray his so-called "true church" in the most dramatic fashion imaginable. See? I warned you—the sun has turned his brain into overcooked scrambled eggs!

And when this glorious crapocalypse finally erupts, the Great Bwana will ascend his pulpit (or whatever rickety soapbox he uses) and bellow to the bewildered world that the Baron is poised to invade the United States, slaughter one-third of its citizens in a plot twist straight out of a B-movie, and then haul the survivors off as prisoners. Meanwhile, billions—yes, billions!—will somehow tune into the Great Bwana's message, infuriating the Baron so profoundly that he'll fling open the gates of hell itself, unleashing chaos upon the church, the world, and probably your grandma's knitting circle.

Isn't it just utterly divine how Armstrongism radiates such serene, peaceful, grace-filled vibes? Truly, a beacon of tranquility in a world gone mad—said no one ever!

We are preparing for something like the “fifteen minutes of fame” that late Andy Warhol indicated individuals or phenomena would be able to experience, as having a short-period of more influence is consistent with scripture. 

At risk of repeat, notice the following from the Book of Daniel: 

25 “He shall stir up his power and his courage against the king of the South with a great army. And the king of the South shall be stirred up to battle with a very great and mighty army; but he shall not stand, for they shall devise plans against him. 26 Yes, those who eat of the portion of his delicacies shall destroy him; his army shall be swept away, and many shall fall down slain. 27 Both these kings’ hearts shall be bent on evil, and they shall speak lies at the same table; but it shall not prosper, for the end will still be at the appointed time. 28 While returning to his land with great riches, his heart shall be moved against the holy covenant; so he shall do damage and return to his own land. (Daniel 11:25-28, NKJV)

28 Then the king of the north will return to his country with great treasures. But on the way, he will attack the religion of God’s people and do whatever else he pleases. (Daniel 11:28, CEV)

Partially because of the warning message we (the people of the holy covenant) are preaching, this will upset the upcoming prince/King of the North (Daniel 11:28). One or more associated with the Continuing Church of God will already have been identifying that the European “prince” (Daniel 9:26-27) who is rising up to become a king, is not able to truly bring peace, but instead teach that he will bring war and will be in league with the final Antichrist. Our presence on the internet, as well as commercial radio (including into Europe) will help many hear the message. 

 

Consider the following: 

29 At the appointed time he shall return and go toward the south; but it shall not be like the former or the latter. 30 For ships from Cyprus shall come against him; therefore he shall be grieved, and return in rage against the holy covenant, and do damage. So he shall return and show regard for those who forsake the holy covenant (Daniel 11:29-30).

30 For warships from western coastlands will scare him off, and he will withdraw and return home. But he will vent his anger against the people of the holy covenant and reward those who forsake the covenant. (Daniel 11:30 New Living Translation 1996 Greg Laurie).

Note: the Hebrew term translated as “Cyprus” in the NKJV is a mistranslation. The KJV uses the term Chittim which means “Western lands.” Hence the King of the North will be stopped by a western naval power (likely the USA and/or its British-descended allies) and the not nation of Cyprus. More details are in the article Who is the King of the North? 

Yet, instead consider also that the King of the North is more enraged by the people of the “holy covenant” than the naval power who stopped him!Why? 

Because he wants to try to stop the supporters of “the holy covenant” from proclaiming the truth about his intentions and truth about the gospel of the kingdom (c.f. Matthew 24:14). The King of the North will attempt to learn more about how to eliminate us and any who follow us by trying to be nice to various apostates (those who “forsake the holy covenant”) he tries to get some of them to betray true Christians (Matthew 24:10). 

Why would this be? 

Most likely this occurs because the people of the holy covenant are proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom (Matthew 24:14, as that immediately precedes “the end”) and teaching that the King of the North is fulfilling prophecies in Daniel 11 and he wants them stopped. 

It is my belief that after the peace deal in Daniel 9:27/11:23 has been made and/or confirmed by “the prince to come,” that the group that best represents the remnant of the Philadelphia era of the church per Revelation 3:7:11, the Continuing Church of God), will be publicly identifying the person who confirmed the deal (“the prince”) as the one who fulfilled Daniel 9:27/11:23-24. This enrages the King of the North so much that he initially tries to eliminate these people through political pressure and selected persecution (cf. Daniel 7:25a). 

Once we clearly identify him, we plan to specifically teach that he is about to destroy the USA (Daniel 11:39) and its British-descended allies (cf. Daniel 8:24-25), and that later he will conquer a confederation of nations in North Africa and the Middle East which will be under the control of someone that the Bible refers to as the King of the South (Daniel 11:40-43). 

We will also be warning that the idea of a human-led utopia is false and that it is only through Jesus’ return and the gospel of the kingdom that such a utopian condition will happen (see also Did The Early Church Teach Millenarianism?). 

This would be expected to trigger major media coverage. Scrutiny of real, as well as claimed, Church of God literature will likely happen and various aspects of real and incorrect COG doctrines will likely be ridiculed. Media coverage would then be expected to cover more of the message we are proclaiming (cf. The Gospel of the Kingdom of God) and this would be associated with the “short work” of Romans 9:28. Media coverage will also encourage people around the globe to check out more of our teachings, which is one of the reasons that we have multiple websites, video platforms, and materials in numerous languages. 

Back to the Book of Daniel: 

33 Those with insight will instruct many, though for a time they will fall by sword or flame, or be captured or plundered. 34 Now when they fall, they will be granted a little help, but many will join them insincerely. 35 Some of the wise will fall, so that they may be refined, purified, and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.

36 Then the king will do as he pleases and will exalt and magnify himself above every god, and he will speak monstrous things against the God of gods. He will be successful until the time of wrath is completed, for what has been decreed must be accomplished. (Daniel 11:33-36, BSB)

“Those with insight” are Philadelphian Christians (and likely some other supporters) who will be instructing many. This is during the time of the short work and this will lead to the fulfillment of Matthew 24:14 and then the ‘famine of the word’ (Amos 8:11-12). 

Some of the Philadelphia remnant will be explaining that it is Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God and not the rise of a militaristic leader that the world needs. According to Daniel 11:32 it is “the people who know their God [that] shall be strong, and carry out great exploits.” Hundreds of millions, if not billions, will receive at least a partial witness. All of that will likely trigger the King of the North to take actions that lead to the end–this includes the persecutions, pre- (Daniel 7:25a, 11:29-36) and post-tribulation (Daniel 7:25b; Revelation 13:5-7). 

Much of what the volunteers of the Continuing Church of God are now doing is involved with preparing and/or translating materials in multiple languages for multiple websites to provide a witness to those who will later look. As well as the volunteer efforts to support online radio, various internet platforms, combined with commercial radio will garner temporal proclamation success to support the short-work of Romans 9:28 as well as giving the world a witness related to the good news of the coming kingdom of God (Matthew 24:14).

Halloween and the Annual Church of God Meltdown

"Objection to Halloween is a reflection of something much broader: an obsession with trivialities, a confusion of priorities, a primitive fear of the unknown, an arrogance that finds “righteousness” in being odd-ball and out-of-step. Fundamentalists can find something offensive or objectionable in almost anything. They have a world view in which virtually everything is “anti-Christian”. They have lost the ability to filter the important from the inconsequential. The traditional COG prohibition against Halloween ignores the facts of history, misrepresents the modern holiday, and demonstrates a woeful lack of spiritual discernment."

HALLOWEEN HYSTERIA

by Keith Stump

October is quickly flying by, meaning it’s time for the traditional Christian hand-wringing over that most “demonic” of holidays, Halloween! In anticipation of the usual anti-Halloween propaganda, I offer the following observations about this alleged “satanic festival of evil”:

First, there’s no need to point out that Halloween is not found in Leviticus 23. (Duh.) Leviticus 23 is obsolete and irrelevant anyway. Second, forget the lengthy dissertation about how the papacy (the alleged “image of the beast” and “great whore”) instituted the Roman Catholic celebrations of “All Hallows Eve” and “All Saints Day”. That, too, is irrelevant. Today’s Halloween has nothing to do with honoring Christian saints. For most, Halloween long ago ceased being viewed as a religious observance—and never was, by Americans.

The Halloween that many of us know today is largely an American phenomenon. And it’s a purely secular observance.

Yet some of Halloween’s customs do have roots in pre-Christian (“pagan”) practices. “Pagan” has long been a popular buzz word among Christians, especially among the COGs. As a Plain Truth and World Tomorrow writer, and occasional GHOSTwriter (how occult!) for the Armstrongs, I used the word liberally for decades. If it’s “pagan” in origin, it MUST be evil (like, I suppose, playing cards, wedding rings, dominoes, medicine, beer, the theater, the names of the days of the week and months of the year, and so on—all of which are scrupulously avoided in the COGs, aren’t they?).

Some of Halloween’s customs can be traced to practices of the Celtic New Year, particularly among the Druids of ancient Britain. The Celts worshipped nature deities and practiced a relatively benign type of witchcraft. (Shame on them for living before the birth of Christ! Why, they must have been as evil as Cyrus the Great, who worshipped Ishtar, the pagan goddess of love and war, and Ahura Mazda, god of light and wisdom. [Oh, wait a minute—God still called Cyrus "that righteous man from the East." Never mind.])

The Celtic festival of Samhain (which means “summer’s end” and marked the Celtic New Year, and is properly pronounced SOW-in, not “Sam Hain”) was considered to be a magical time, when the thin veil between the worlds was lifted, and the dead walked among the living. It was a night of ghosts and fairies, in which bonfires were lit and fortunes were told, and the thoughts of all turned to the afterlife. For some odd reason, the Celts didn’t think that exposing their children to contemplation of death and the afterlife was a problem. And, of course, the “witches” of the time were primarily herbalists and midwives. Witches as evil, devil-worshiping crones were an invention of the medieval Church, perpetuated by modern fundamentalists.

Despite fundamentalist assertions, there were no orgies or human sacrifices or cannibalism or devil-worshipping during Samhain. Anyone who claims otherwise is an incompetent researcher or an outright liar. And—despite all those sermonettes you’ve heard—there was never a Celtic “god of death” named “Samhain”.

The ancient Samhain festival in no way “glorified” the demonic world, nor—except for a relatively few “Satanists”—does Samhain today. Modern pagans who celebrate Samhain regard it as a time to look back on the past year and reflect on how they can become better people, and a time to honor departed loved ones and welcome them into their presence. Modern Halloween is even less focused on “making contact” with the spirit world.

Stop for a moment and consider rationally: Is a six-year-old girl trick-or-treating in a Cinderella costume “fellowshipping with demons”? Is a child covered in a sheet with eye-holes “associating with spirits”? Are employees attending a company costume party “consorting with the devil”? Is hanging a plastic skeleton in your window “paying homage to Satan”? Is carving a jack-o’-lantern “fashioning an idol”? Is bobbing for apples a “wicked revel”? Some who are reading this would reply with a resounding “yes”. And that’s because of the spiritual myopia that warps their thinking, as I’ll discuss in a moment. Goofball notions are de rigueur for the fundamentalist.

Others who are reading this have heartwarming memories of Halloween. It’s a slice of genuine Americana. It was one of the highlights of their childhood calendar—a time of family crafts and costume-making, a time to celebrate creativity and imagination. It was a time for children to dress up and solicit candy from their neighbors. (We were even taught to say “thank you”, which I’m sure irked Satan no end.) Trick-or-treating allowed the entire community to share in the Halloween festivities, as costumes were admired and rewarded with goodies. Halloween reaffirmed social bonds with friends and neighbors. These are hardly the “unfruitful works of darkness” (Eph. 5:11), unless one is a fanatic who interprets that phrase like, well, a fanatic.

(A parenthetical note to hypocrites: Anyone who condemns Halloween, yet enjoys an occasional Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff film, or reads a Stephen King or Anne Rice thriller, or a Harry Potter novel, or who watches “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” or “The Wizard of Oz” or Disney’s “Snow White” or “Sleeping Beauty” or the “Lord of the Rings” films or who plays fantasy-based video games or visits Disneyland’s “Haunted Mansion” or watches a stage magician is a hypocrite, pure and simple. It’s like a conscientious objector being a fan of war movies. But hypocrisy is nothing new to the COGs, is it? And, for that matter, is “glorifying violence” any less “sinful” than “glorifying the occult”? (Hmm. I must have been imagining those LCG members sitting in the theater when I saw “Terminator 3″.))

To all COG members out there: Is your children’s Christianity so feeble as to be endangered by a plastic mask and a few candy bars? Are your children so inadequately grounded in their religion as to be tempted into a life of witchcraft by attending a costume party? Are you yourself so poorly rooted in your faith that you fear your children will ask questions to which you have no satisfactory answers?

I have seen no evidence of children being psychologically warped or seduced into a life of witchcraft and perversion as a result of innocent Halloween activities. I HAVE, however, seen many fearful and superstitious COG children who have been conditioned to be abnormally hypersensitive to anything blackened with the feared label “occult”. One child in particular comes to mind, whom I witnessed shrieking in stark terror at the mere sight of a jack-o-lantern. Are you raising fearful children who, like medieval peasants, see Satan lurking behind every tree and demons skulking in every dark corner? Are you raising children who fear they will “open themselves up” to “demonic control” at any moment by the slightest misstep? What a tenuous, precarious and paranoid spirituality! Satan is a defeated enemy! We need not shrink inanimate mortal remains. Explain that fear of black cats is an ancient superstition of the ignorant. Talk to them about the fanciful creations of horror fiction, like werewolves and vampires. It’s healthy to examine the things that frighten us. Tell them about “ghosts” or disembodied spirits. (The dead are relatively safe; it’s the living you need to watch out for!) And talk to them about the subject of life after physical death. Tell them about the Lord of Life who overcame death. Assuage their fears about those who can kill the body but not the soul.

Halloween is also a good time to reconsider our own views about death and the afterlife. The unbiblical doctrine of “soul sleep” would be a good place to start. The Bible clearly teaches (and centuries of experience demonstrate) that death does not interrupt self-awareness; personal identity survives death! By contrast, Herbert Armstrong’s so-called “restored truth” about “What is Man?” is totally without biblical foundation, though his followers blindly accept it. Measuring truth by the teachings of a morally unprincipled deviate who was indisputably unqualified for ministry by biblical standards (i Tim. 3:2-7; Titus 1:6-7) is far scarier than any aspect of Halloween! (A rule of thumb, which I’ll throw in free of charge: The farther an individual or group moves away from the teachings of the so-called Philadelphia era of the Church of God, the closer he moves toward genuine truth and balanced spirituality.)

So here’s my point: Objection to Halloween is a reflection of something much broader: an obsession with trivialities, a confusion of priorities, a primitive fear of the unknown, an arrogance that finds “righteousness” in being odd-ball and out-of-step. Fundamentalists can find something offensive or objectionable in almost anything. They have a world view in which virtually everything is “anti-Christian”. They have lost the ability to filter the important from the inconsequential. The traditional COG prohibition against Halloween ignores the facts of history, misrepresents the modern holiday, and demonstrates a woeful lack of spiritual discernment.

So, in a nutshell, my message to Christians about Halloween is: Lighten up! There is nothing spiritually harmful about this tradition. Sensibly observed, Halloween can be a day of wholesome fun and merriment. Believe it or not, not everything in life has to have some deep spiritual connotation. Halloween is “Satan’s Holiday” only to those who concede it to him or arbitrarily label it as such. Christians have been redeemed from the forces of evil. We don’t have to give credence to Satan’s claimed authority in any area of life. Don’t surrender to the fear, superstition and hypocrisy of the fundamentalist, who wouldn’t recognize a little harmless fun if he tripped over it, who is oblivious to the value of fantasy, who has no idea what “magic” and “witchcraft” really are, to whom everything paranormal is “demonic” and who trembles before the power of Satan and his demons (whether he admits it or not). Don’t fall prey to shady “scholarship” and flawed arguments about this holiday. Don’t let anyone judge you in respect of this or any other occasion. Safe, fun Halloween activities are NOT “of the “devil”.

To believe other wise is just plain silly!

Richard Ames: Keeping Halloween Makes You Think About Evil for the Rest of the Year

It is close to Halloween and the COG's are churning or should I say, regurgitating, out their annual paganism articles.  In their eyes Christan are one step away from sacrificing the children on the altar of Satan.  Oh wait, according to LCG some parents are already doing that!

Pithy sayings of Richard Ames of the Living Church of God:

Should we follow our neighbors, like proverbial lemmings, off the dangerous cliff of pagan practices?

By observing Halloween, we teach our children to make light of Satan the Devil—or even to think like him! Should we then be surprised when our children remain curious about evil—or even invite it—for the rest of the year?

Do we teach our children to attract and cultivate evil spirits at Halloween? Certainly, dressing up like a demon or a witch invites evil rather than opposes it!

Some parents encourage their children to participate in the world of demons. Are some of you parents sacrificing your children to Satan and to wicked spirits

It’s time for such so-called Christians to repent of supporting the Devil and rebelling against Christ!

False prophet Bwana Bob Mzungu Thiel, an apostate LCG member, loved to say this:

Jesus and Paul did not observe Halloween.

Perhaps Richard Ames should ask himself why the LCG has followed the teachings of Herbert Armstrong like proverbial lemmings?  With it's hundreds of failed prophecies, proven false doctrines, and extra non-biblical laws, why does he continue to keep it all and force it upon others?

The Church of God and Halloween Myths

Its that time of year again and various Church of God groups are starting their annual Halloween traditions.   Satan and his demons are pictured running rampant around the earth on this night looking for naive COG members so they can be swayed away from the "truth once delivered." Church of God members turn off their living rooms lights and slink back into the rear of their houses and try to hide from the evil knocking at their doors.  It's amazing how a church that claims to be God's one true restored church have allowed Satan to have so much power over them.  No other church on the earth has to deal with the constant attacks by Satan than the COG.  Satan is obviously more powerful than that inconvenient Jesus dude.

The following quotes were from a Conservative COG Yahoo page several years ago.  These are the kinds of silliness that occupy the minds of Armstrongites this time of year.

No one ever said Armstrongites were not creative in their thinking!  Eating mice for Halloween?  I feel so left out all these years!

A different spin on it where the kids go trick or treating?
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The church has never stated that. In the histories, when Jeroboam (I think) set up a golden calf in the north in Israel, it's been said that was at Halloween time. In any case, it was a different time than FoT, which it was made to replace.
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I've also heard that this particular holiday was moved from May 1 and that originally it was a remembrance of the dead when Noah & family came out  of the Ark. Imagine how they must have felt, knowing every other living soul was dead... This is how dead became associated with the day. Perhaps.

Is Isaiah a reference to the ancient pagan festival now called halloween with a

Isaiah 66:17 Those who sanctify and purify themselves to enter the groves, imitating one in the center, eating the flesh of the swine, the reptile, and the mouse, shall one and all come to an end - declares the Lord. For I know their deeds and purposes.

We actually have COG members who believe kids eating candy are practicing an ancient custom of worshipping in the groves and that it originally was the day set apart by Noah to commemorate all the dead rotting bodies that covered the earth after the flood.

Here are some pithy says by Richard Ames of the Living Church of God:

Pithy sayings of Richard Ames, Living Church of God 

Should we follow our neighbors, like proverbial lemmings, off the dangerous cliff of pagan practices?

By observing Halloween, we teach our children to make light of Satan the Devil—or even to think like him! Should we then be surprised when our children remain curious about evil—or even invite it—for the rest of the year?

Do we teach our children to attract and cultivate evil spirits at Halloween? Certainly, dressing up like a demon or a witch invites evil rather than opposes it!

Some parents encourage their children to participate in the world of demons. Are some of you parents sacrificing your children to Satan and to wicked spirits

It’s time for such so-called Christians to repent of supporting the Devil and rebelling against Christ!

Dress you baby up for Halloween 

and they will end up devil babies! 

Many years ago Keith Stump, a former Plain Truth writer, penned an article about Halloween that sent diehard COG believers over the edge.  He pointed this out:

"To all COG members out there: 

Is your children’s Christianity so feeble as to be endangered 

by a plastic mask and a few candy bars? 

Are your children so inadequately grounded in their religion 

as to be tempted into a life of witchcraft by attending a costume party? 

Are you yourself so poorly rooted in your faith that you fear your children

 will ask questions to which you have no satisfactory answers?"

I have seen no evidence of children being psychologically warped or seduced into a life of witchcraft and perversion as a result of innocent Halloween activities. I HAVE, however, seen many fearful and superstitious COG children who have been conditioned to be abnormally hypersensitive to anything blackened with the feared label “occult”. One child in particular comes to mind, whom I witnessed shrieking in stark terror at the mere sight of a jack-o-lantern. Are you raising fearful children who, like medieval peasants, see Satan lurking behind every tree and demons skulking in every dark corner? Are you raising children who fear they will “open themselves up” to “demonic control” at any moment by the slightest misstep? What a tenuous, precarious and paranoid spirituality! Satan is a defeated enemy! We need not shrink inanimate mortal remains. Explain that fear of black cats is an ancient superstition of the ignorant. Talk to them about the fanciful creations of horror fiction, like werewolves and vampires. It’s healthy to examine the things that frighten us. Tell them about “ghosts” or disembodied spirits. (The dead are relatively safe; it’s the living you need to watch out for!) And talk to them about the subject of life after physical death. Tell them about the Lord of Life who overcame death. Assuage their fears about those who can kill the body but not the soul.

So here’s my point: Objection to Halloween is a reflection of something much broader: an obsession with trivialities, a confusion of priorities, a primitive fear of the unknown, an arrogance that finds “righteousness” in being odd-ball and out-of-step. Fundamentalists can find something offensive or objectionable in almost anything. They have a world view in which virtually everything is “anti-Christian”. They have lost the ability to filter the important from the inconsequential. The traditional COG prohibition against Halloween ignores the facts of history, misrepresents the modern holiday, and demonstrates a woeful lack of spiritual discernment. 

See:  Halloween Hysteria Is Back In The Churches of God Again

Is Halloween Evil?  Responding to UCG

Keeping Halloween Makes You think About Evil??