Lucifer and Jesus Were Elohim's

 

We've all had front-row seats for decades to the spectacular show of people vanishing down the Armstrongism rabbit hole, only to emerge years later, wild-eyed and desperate, frantically digging through the deepest pits of madness for the next earth-shattering "revelation" from their oh-so-authentic "god"—a real, bona fide Elohim.

Honestly, doesn't it just warm the heart how it mirrors Mormon doctrine so perfectly? You know, that fantastical story where Lucifer and Jesus are brothers, and the grand prize for everyone is ascending to full god-and-goddess glory in some gloriously unhinged, fanatical fairy-tale kingdom.

But wait—let's give a special shout-out to Wade Cox, who's out there tirelessly plumbing those same depths of lunacy to serve up exactly the same steaming pile of nonsense. Truly, originality in Armstrongism is overrated.

Does any of this make sense? 

Introduction

God created the Spiritual Creation Aeons ago. These were the sons of God called Elohim or gods. He then created the Physical Creation, beginning with the Universe. The sequence and purpose is explained in the text How God Became a Family (No. 187). The Spiritual Creation became split over the intent and purpose of the Physical Creation and a third rebelled under the Covering Cherub Azazel or Satan-el, and later Satan, having lost his el status. 

 

Satan had experimented with the creation of humans over the two million years of the optimum period for the creation of intelligent life in the Earth's main star system for whatever reasons known only to him, and the Almighty, and failed repetitively. About twelve thousand years ago the earth became tohu and bohu or waste and void. God the Father, Eloah, the One True God sent the Elohim to the earth under Michael and Satan to recreate or refurbish the earth and create the Adamic species, commencing with Adam and Eve in 4004 BCE. The refurbishment was to take six days and that interval was to be used as the outline plan of the creation of mankind and the isolation of the Holy Seed in mankind to become the selected training nucleus of the human host that was to be selected through God's Omniscience and the Divine Prescience and Predestination (No. 296) of the One True God Eloah from the foundation of the world. He alone was immortal and whom no man has ever seen or can see and who dwells in unapproachable light (1Tim. 6:16).  He was able to see and know the thoughts and workings of the entire creation from the beginning to the end and was able to identify those who would succeed in carrying out His Will and Plan and thus determine who was most suitable to become Elohim (No. 001) and thus fit to rule the universe under the extended Elohim Host. This is also explained in the text The Plan of Salvation (No. 001A). The creation was enabled to exercise free will in the entire sequence. In that way Eloah could ascertain the mindset and obedience of all the creation.

 

All of this was hidden from mankind by Satan and the Fallen Host through their lies and the false doctrines and explanations given to humans from the outset in Eden. In this way all mankind could be tested and placed under Judgment so that the entire creation would know who was tested and who was fit to lead the universe, being those in the First Resurrection (No. 143A), in the ongoing phases after the  Second Resurrection (No. 143B) and the Great White Throne Judgment of mankind and the fallen Host (see also No 143; 143C & 143D). God through His Omniscience knew and predestined the Creation from the foundation of the earth, or world (Mat. 13:35; Isa. 62:11; Jer. 10:12; Mat. 25:34; Jn. 17:24) and we were selected, and our works were ordained, before we were formed in the womb (Jer. 1:5), and before the foundation of the world (Eph. 1:4). It is these humans of the Adamic Creation that were foreknown and foreseen over the Ages that would succeed and follow the Laws of God and the Testimony of the Patriarchs and Prophets and the Temple Calendar that flows from the Law and would be faithful, even unto death. It is these entities that were to form the Holy Seed and these were predestined to be born and selected and taken out to the end of the Millennial Age and the Second Resurrection (No. 143B).  

 

Adam was unable to come into Judgment until he was thirty years of age under the laws God was to lay down for the creation at the outset. Thus in 3974 BCE when Adam was thirty he and Eve both came under judgement and Eden was closed, and the Earth was cursed. Satan, being the Morning Star of the earth, became the ruler also of the Adamic creation and the God, or Elohim, of this world, including mankind (2Cor. 4:4). The Jubilees fell on the years 24 and 74 BCE and in 27 – 77 CE in the Modern Age.

And later, this:

Sifting the Grain

Satan was given rule over the earth by God for a specific purpose. It might seem counter intuitive to leave an elohim in charge that basically considers mankind as unfit to take office and become elohim over the long-term rule of the universe and be given access to that rule under Christ as elohim or become gods as Sons of God. However, Eloah as One True God, allowed that to take place as it would ensure that test procedures were in place that would ensure that only the dedicated of the Holy Seed would take office over the sequence to the First and Second Resurrections. All else would be sifted and whilst all could succeed in the plan, including the demons that rebelled, only the Holy Seed would serve faithfully and take part in the First Resurrection (or the elect portion of the Second Resurrection) and then become Morning Stars and the ranking rulers of the universe. To achieve this a filtration system had to be set in place. Satan was thus given control and he and the Fallen Host had access to the Throne of God on a more or less continual basis (Job 1:6; 2:1). The story of the test of Job was a very severe and rigorous test of one of the Holy Seed who was tested and proven under the most severe circumstances (Job 1:6-12). The entire book is a clear depiction of the tests of the Holy Seed. So also Satan tested all men, and he also asked to sift Peter like wheat, as he had Job, but was not permitted to do so (Luke 22:31). But he did manage to kill over half the apostles and also a large number of the Seventy (Lk. 10:1,17) (see Nos 122; 122B; 122C; 122D). It was in these tests that they were proven, not only in their own eyes but in the eyes of all mankind. Job was restored at the end before his death, and he will take his place at the end of Days with the other Prophets and Patriarchs and all of the Holy Seed.

Why Are So Many COG Leaders Such Pathetic Speakers

If you thought watching bouncing Bob Thiel was painful, get a load of Wade Cox and his pathetic sidekick. These have to be the two most boring men I have ever seen "preach" in Armstrongism. 

Remember, Wade Cox is such a dynamic tool of God that he has converted over 50% of Africa to his church, even convincing Muslims to join with him. This is such a miraculous feat that even the Great Bwana himself has been unable to accomplish.

Armstrongism truly has some of the most idiotic men as leaders of splinter groups imaginable. 

You can watch this trainwreck here. All you need to watch is the first few minutes, and you will need a stiff drink, or maybe an ear enema.

Crackpot Prophet Digs Up Dibar Apartian

For a church movement that smugly brags it would rather celebrate a hill than ever celebrate a birthday (because pagan!!!), certain Armstrongist COG leaders positively salivate over commemorating the most riveting dates in COG history: the day the state stamped their church incorporation papers, the sacred long weekend they cracked open that moldy booklet for the 47th time at a summer camp, and, of course, the holy anniversary of the fever dream in which God Himself apparently whispered, “The Churches of God are doing great, but you know what they’re really missing? Yet another splinter run by a guy with a blog and a persecution complex.”

This time, the Greatest Prophet Ever to Grace the Churches of God With His Physical Presence™ (trademark pending) decided poor Dibar Apartian hadn’t suffered enough in the grave, so he exhumed the man’s comments, dusted them off, and ran them through the patented Thiel Scripture-Twister™ (now with 30% more confirmation bias!) to “prove” he had no choice but to courageously apostatize from the Living Church of God and found the One True Remnant™—population: him, his wife, a few Caucasians and some Africans. 

For years, the Living Church of God smiled through gritted teeth while Bwana Bob threw hourly tantrums about their “wrong doctrines” and “inaccurate information” (because nothing says spiritual maturity like a short little man whining on the internet that the big kids won’t listen to him). They kept patting him on the head in public like the awkward cousin at Thanksgiving, all while texting each other screenshots of his latest unhinged “prophetic” rants and laughing so hard they needed oxygen.

And just like how he “miraculously” turned Gaylyn Bonjour’s polite "blessing" into a divinely ordained double portion anointing, the Great Bwana has now performed the same linguistic equivalent of a pretzel factory explosion on Dibar Apartian’s words until they “clearly” say exactly what he needed them to say this news cycle.

Crackpot Bob is now desperately trying to retcon history so that Apartian looks like some cloak-and-dagger resistance fighter secretly undermining Rod Meredith, in the same way he insists Apartian single-handedly forced LCG’s magazines to publish his groundbreaking research and biblical interpretations. 

The man has spent decades absolutely fuming that first Worldwide, then Global, then Living all looked at his “impeccable” research, his “incontestable” corrections, and his entirely self-awarded credentials and collectively said, “Yeah… hard pass on ordaining Captain Tinfoil.” One former UCG minister summed it up best: the guy is “completely nuts.” But sure, Bob, clearly the problem is that every single church organization on the planet is blind to your towering genius.

Many members in LCG were unaware that Dibar Apartian had issues with LCG’s Tomorrow’s World magazine. He stated it lacked interest, depth, and relevance. In 2007 and 2008, he pushed Dr. Meredith to agree to have articles in it from me as he told me that my articles were what LCG needed. Dr. Meredith agreed, at least at that time. I agreed, but only under the provision that LCG would first fix errors in its booklet on church history. Although LCG, numerous times agreed to do that and told me numerous times that it was working on doing that, it never happened as various ones promised. The reality is that one of the top people did not want the magazine changed and prevented the booklet changes apparently as a reason to not have me submit articles. 

 

And the hits just keep coming from the One-Man Prophetic Extravaganza™.

Now Crackpot Bob is solemnly swearing up and down that Rod Meredith, on his deathbed no less, looked him square in the eye and declared, “Bob, my son, you are a prophet, yea verily, the prophetiest prophet who ever propheted.” 

How convenient that the only witness to this sacred moment is… checks notes… only Bob himself. Because nothing screams credibility like a private conversation with a dead man who can’t fact-check you. 

Everyone who actually knew Rod Meredith for more than five minutes is currently choking on their coffee, wondering if Bob mistakenly thought “You’re a prophet” sounds exactly like “Please stop sending me 40-page single-spaced emails about Mayan calendars and lukewarm Laodiceans.”

But sure, Bob, keep swinging that imaginary deathbed endorsement around like it’s the Ark of the Covenant. The rest of us will just be over here marveling at how you’ve turned “Rod once said ‘God bless you’ after I sneezed” into “clear biblical proof I’m the end-time Elijah.” Truly, the gift of creative hearing is strong with this one.

Dibar Apartian frequently used to urge me to try to get the other leaders in LCG to correct doctrinal, prophetic, and literature errors. Although I tried to get him to do more of that himself, he always instructed me to not only do that, but to remind other leaders in Charlotte to keep their promises to fix errors, literature, etc. 

 

But we did have an incident where he got quite angry with me. It was related to something that started on October 3, 2008 when Dr. Roderick C. Meredith (Presiding Evangelist of the Living Church of God) called me and said to me, “God may consider you to be a prophet.” Dr. Meredith and I discussed this in depth as Dr. Meredith was the one who brought the topic up. 

 

Oh, it gets even richer.

Even Dibar Apartian (yes, the same guy Bob just dug up like a theological gopher to prop up his latest fever dream) reportedly looked at Crackpot Bob one day, blinked twice, and realized he’d been bamboozled by a walking, talking Wikipedia page with a martyrdom complex.

According to people who were actually in the room (instead of, you know, channeling the conversation through a crystal ball and a persecution filter), Apartian eventually figured out that every time Bob opened his mouth, truth took the elevator down twenty floors and jumped out the window.

Word is, Apartian went from “mildly amused” to “Dear God, this man is an utter fraud” faster than you can say “double portion of delusion.”He supposedly warned others that Bob’s “research” was about as reliable as a chocolate teapot and that his “prophetic insights” had all the spiritual weight of a wet napkin.

But why let a little thing like the dead guy’s actual opinion stop the Bwana Bob Myth-Making Machine™?

Nah, just twist a couple of polite sentences, sprinkle in some posthumous fan fiction, and boom: Apartian is now retroactively Bob’s biggest cheerleader instead of the guy who quietly face-palmed every time Bob walked into headquarters with another 87-page “emergency correction” about why the church calendar was off by 0.3 seconds.

Dead men tell no tales… but apparently they do provide excellent ventriloquist dummies for narcissistic “prophets” with blog access.

Magnificent.

Later that month, my family and I went to the Feast of Tabernacles in Evian, France. The conversation with Dr. Meredith weighed on my mind, so I asked Dibar Apartian (who was the Feast site coordinator) and Dr. Jeff Fall (who was my pastor then, and who also attended there that year) to meet with me before services one morning. I told both of them about the conversation with Dr. Meredith. 

 

Upon hearing this, Dibar Apartian got upset. He told me that Dr. Meredith did not say such a thing and I assured him that he had. His emotions got the best of him and he stormed out of the meeting and I completed it by discussing what happened in more depth with Dr. Fall. 

 

A couple of days later, after Dibar Apartian calmed down, he came up to me and said that I was either “the one” to lead the Philadelphian remnant or the “biggest threat to the church.” He also came up to me shortly thereafter and told me how much he appreciated a sermonette I later gave during that Feast. 

 

And here comes the next jaw-dropping plot twist from the Thiel Cinematic Universe™!

After poor Dibar Apartian finally realized he’d been conned by a human PowerPoint presentation with delusions of grandeur, Crackpot Bob insists that—miracle of miracles—Apartian suddenly did a complete 180°, fell to his knees, and tearfully confessed, “Bob, I was blind! You truly ARE the end-time prophet I always secretly knew you were!” Yeah, sure, and jackasses sprout wings and start doing barrel rolls over the Sea of Galilee every Passover. Totally plausible.

Having failed to convince the living, Bob now pivots to slandering the dead. He’s gleefully telling anyone still listening that Apartian (the same Apartian who loyally stood by Rod Meredith for decades like a French bulldog with a PhD) was actually seething with secret resentment the whole time. 

Apparently Apartian spent his final years whispering to the potted plants about how Meredith was a spiritual lightweight and only Bwana Bob, the Mayo-Dipped Messiah™, understood True Truth™.

Bob needs this fictional feud like he needs oxygen, because nothing screams “God forced me to apostatize and start my own elite club” quite like inventing a dead guy’s diary entries that paint your former boss as the bad guy and yourself as the misunderstood hero.

It’s not enough that Apartian is dead and can’t sue for defamation; Bob has to drag the man’s reputation through the mud just to give his 2012 resignation letter a retroactive glow-up.

Stay classy, Prophet Profit. Stay classy.

It should be noted that Dibar Apartian had major issues with LCG in general and Dr. Meredith in particular. He had some warnings about LCG. And I was not the only one who knew this. Though since I left, various ordained leaders in LCG have spread falsehoods about me–but let me add that I do not believe that Gerald Weston knows the truth about what happened as my sources indicate he was told falsehoods that he has accepted–maybe one day he will learn-as the Bible warns, “Cursed is he who does the work of the Lord deceitfully” (Jeremiah 48:10). 

 

And the grand finale of this tragicomedy just keeps delivering.

Enter the Mysterious Backstabbing LCG Minister™ (name conveniently withheld because “sources” and “plausible deniability”). This anonymous hero allegedly pulled Bob aside one day and whispered the magic words that sent our humble prophet into orbit: “Bob, LCG is no longer God’s Church… only YOU can save us now.

Translation: someone poured jet fuel straight into Bwana Bob’s already planet-sized ego, and the resulting explosion registered on the Richter scale. 

Suddenly the voices in his head had a second opinion! Hallelujah, it’s a prophetic duo!

Of course, the prideful arrogance that had been simmering on low for decades finally boiled over like an unattended teapot, and even the endlessly patient Rod Meredith snapped. In a moment that now lives in COG infamy, Meredith publicly dressed down Captain Ego in front of God and everybody, basically telling him, “Sit down, shut up, and stop acting like you’re the fourth member of the Trinity.”

The public rebuke still burns Crackpot Bob’s backside to this very day; you can practically see the scorch marks every time he types another 9,000-word “dreams + anonymous sources + twisted quotes = I’m totally Elijah” manifesto.

To this day it absolutely frosts his cupcakes that the rest of us refuse to swoon over his fantastical fan-fiction used to justify the Great 2012 Apost-a-schism and the founding of the Continuing Continuing Continuing Church of God (Now With 37% More Persecution Complex!).

Sorry, Bob. Some of us prefer our history without the extra helping of delusional sprinkles.

Some have attempted to discount and discredit what happened between Dibar Apartian and myself, but what is reported here is true. 

 

In a post shown on the Banned by HWA site in March 2016, its webmaster Gary Leonard oddly posted the following: 

 

Several LCG asked me if I had any information on Dibar Apartian and his belief that LCG was no longer God’s church. This was posted in December of 2015. You can see it between snarky comments about Bob and his self righteous grandeous image he tries to portray of himself.

The only version of this story is coming from Bob Thiel when he tried to use it to smear Meredith whom he is angry with for refusing to listen to him. and incorporate changes he felt LCG needed. 

 

Gary Leonard then made some more attacks against me and included some information I posted.
Yet, if Gary had looked at certain comments at his own blog, he would have realized that I am not the only one to post comments related to Dibar Apartian’s views of the Living Church of God (and I posted none at Gary Leonard’s blog). 

 

Still seething from that public spanking Rod Meredith gave him years ago, Crackpot Bob dreamed up what he clearly thinks is his magnum opus: a 61-point manifesto triumphantly titled “Living Church of God: 61 Errors and Heresies (And Why Only I, The Great Bwana, Have 100% Pure, Uncut, 

Pharmaceutical-Grade Doctrine™).”Sixty-one! That’s one error for every year he’s been nursing that same bruised backside, apparently. 

The butthurt doth linger a longeth time, verily, even unto the third and fourth generation of blog posts.

According to the world’s foremost authority on everything (himself), LCG is now so hopelessly corrupt that only the improperly named  Continuing Church of God (headquarters: an itty-bitty storefront on Grover Beach, California) teaches the full, unvarnished, 100% certified-organic truth. No errors, no mistakes, no room for improvement; just pure, flawless, factory-sealed revelation straight from the mind of the end-time Elijah who totally wasn’t passed over for ordination three separate times because he’s “completely nuts.”

We all know that’s an industrial-strength lie, of course. Give it six months and he’ll be up to 83 errors, then 127, then a nice round 153 (one for every fish Jesus miraculously caught, naturally), because the list only ever grows in direct proportion to how ignored and irrelevant he feels that week.

So remember, folks: when your entire identity is built on being the only person in 2,000 years of church history who finally got everything exactly right, the butthurt truly doth linger a longeth time. Forever, actually. Until the next anonymous “source” tells him he’s also the second witness. 

UCG Says Members Need To "Upgrade" Their Sabbath Observance

 

UCG has an article from John Elliot on why the Sabbath is still commanded for UCG members, which ultimately leads to this comment about "upgrading" their observance standards and actions:

All humans are imperfect and we need to “upgrade” our Sabbath observance to fully keep it holy in accordance with both God’s original and His magnified commands. When we observe the Sabbath properly, it is a two-way sign identifying the true God and identifying His true children (Exodus 31:13-17).

Elliot seems to forget that the children of God are identified in a better way than through sabbath keeping. Their identity is secured in Christ, not in a day. Their rest is in Christ, not in a day when they turn on their TV's so they can sing along with Jelly about the Sabbath.

The Ten Commandments and all the Law remain in force today (Matthew 5:18). The Ten Commandments alone did not fully exemplify God’s mindset, nor did they completely codify God’s Law for the New Covenant saints. Consequently, Jesus came, in part, to “fill-full/magnify” them to their full spiritual intent (Matthew 5:17). 

 

Jewish leaders of His day were considered examples of obedience to the letter of the Law within their culture. But Jesus said that unless our righteousness exceeds theirs, we will not even be in God’s Kingdom (Matthew 5:20). From the President...

The seventh-day Sabbath was the covenant sign of the Mosaic Law given to national Israel. Christians are under the New Covenant, in which Christ is our rest (Matthew 11:28–30; Hebrews 4). We are free to honor any day (or no day) as special, but no day, including Saturday, is commanded or required. That is why the overwhelming majority of Christians throughout history and today do not treat the seventh-day Sabbath as binding.