Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Why Being The Scapegoat of Narcissistic Parents Makes The Person More Powerful



The Church of God has a history of narcissistic ministers and members filling its ranks.  On several closed and hidden Facebook pages where exCOG members share their stories, it is appalling to hear how some were treated by narcissistic parents.  What makes this even more troubling is that this is happening by parents who are part of a church that claims to have be practicing first-century truth and love.

The thing about being a child of narcissistic parents is that it usually makes you the powerful one and that infuriates the narcissist.  Just look at how Dave Pack, James Malm, Bob Thiel, Ron Weinland and other over react when they are questioned.  Their narcissistic power erupts.

The Strength of the Scapegoat in the Narcissist Family
In the narcissist family, as a means of survival everyone rotates around the narcissist, who is usually Mom or Dad. Sometimes both parents are narcissistic. In my family, my father was the overt Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) type, and my mother enabled his abuse while also having her own covert narcissistic traits mixed with a higher order of being that sometimes allowed her to give affection, attention, and generosity. When it served my father’s needs, as is typical of NPDs, he bestowed approval, even idealized exaltation, to his “golden child,” my brother.
If you are familiar with the narcissist family cast of characters, you know that there is nearly always a “scapegoat,” and in my family that was me—the narcissist’s go-to projection screen for his abusive behavior and his trash receptacle for blame and rage.
Given that my father viciously mocked and terrorized me, my mother, and eventually my stepmother and stepsisters, I knew our family was unhealthy, but it took a long time for me to find the psychological profile that reflected our particular pathology. It took even longer for me to admit to what sadly clich├ęd extent we all fit the narcissist family mold.
The Biblical Scapegoat
The Old Testament‘s Leviticus 16 told of sacrificial “scapegoats” [see Ed Stetzer]. One goat was mortally sacrificed, while another was cast into the wilderness to carry away the “sins of man,” both to release humanity of its guilt, which is the biblical ceremony for Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). William Tyndale is believed to have coined the term “escape goat” in his 1530 English translation of The Bible, from the Hebrew version.
The Scapegoat’s Strengths
The scapegoat feels the acute injustice of his/her role. It is painful, confusing, maddening, and it frequently carries with it emotional and physiological damage that lasts a lifetime. But family scapegoats also have both innate and learned power. They are not chosen at random. Rather, they are typically targeted because of their strengths.
The narcissist well knows who in his sphere is most manipulable and who is most independent-minded, and he targets his greatest threat with projection and punishment. The scapegoat is the one most likely to care about and fight for justice within the inherently unfair narcissist family system, defending herself and others often in direct opposition to the narcissist.
Scapegoat Traits1. Strong-willed
2. Empathic
3. Justice-seeking
4. Internalizes blame
5. Emotionally reactive
6. Highly sensitive
7. Protective of others
8. Questions authority
9. Care-taking
10. “Different” in some way
Redemption for the Narcissist Family ScapegoatChildren of narcissists are trained to toe the family line at all costs. Challenging the family system is considered a sacrilege, and it calls for a courageous movement away from home into the “wilderness” of the world.
Although the strengths of the narcissist family scapegoat make her a target, they are also her salvation. Her ability to see and question along with her desire for justice enable her to escape the family tyranny while others cannot. And her capacity for empathy, so unlike that of the grandiose and compassionless narcissist, gives her the ability to form healthy and fulfilling relationships beyond her family of origin.
The (e)scapegoat’s redemption is breaking free.
Julie L. Hall is the author of the forthcoming memoir, Carry You, about life, and a few near deaths, in a narcissist family. Read excerpts

6 comments:

John Cafourek Is A Jack Ass said...

After 3 years of the mental abuse I had to deal with in the ACOG, I hope all those spin-off groups fade into obscurity and nobody will ever remember a damn thing about any of the Armstrong lies!!!

Anonymous said...

I hope Patrick and Elizabeth Scarborough read this, embrace their new COGWA friends, and give up their role as useful scapegoats for Rod McNair's cruel administration.

DennisCDiehl said...

Yikes! Scapegoat Traits1. Strong-willed
2. Empathic
3. Justice-seeking
4. Internalizes blame
5. Emotionally reactive
6. Highly sensitive
7. Protective of others
8. Questions authority
9. Care-taking
10. “Different” in some way

My family was fine. My parents were just normal folk, kind , compassionate, practical and had lots of common sense along with live and let live..HOWEVER, the Church I choose was the narcissistic parent that I reacted to in just the way the scapegoat in a family would. These traits in me, as I perceive them, sprung from being in the ministry and protecting my own family and members from HQ it seems. Fascinating.

"The (e)scapegoat’s redemption is breaking free. "

And so I did....

Angela Storey said...

I'm glad this issue of narcissistic parents, ministers and church leaders has been brought up. HWA is still the elephant in the room that can't be discussed by many, especially the ministers. All the enablers and other narcissists can't bear for him to be exposed. THe way HWA and the ministers transferred their shame to the members is typical of the way a narc operates in a family. Everybody was in dire need of conversion but they were squeaky clean. Everybody else was wrong and carnal, but not them. We were made to feel shamed and unloved by God. It was a complete farce. There are people who are still taken in by Herb and his ministers and I feel sorry for them. THe unfortunate thing is that Herb hijacked the "work" of Jesus Christ which was to offer a father/child relationship to us with GOd the Father and replaced it with Herb's "Government of GOd" rantings. Herb enforced his power and control over everyone to collect the tithes. He hijacked Christ's gospel of love for God and for one another, with the "way of give and get". He reduced the whole of our existence to the economic model that the world governments have. Everything is about money. Anyway, Herb did all the getting and we did all the giving. THe only thing Herb could think of people giving was money. Money is just one way of helping people. Being kind, compassionate and spending time with people, looking after them if they need it, treating them as equals not as distasteful inferior people is what was needed. But no, because Herb and the ministers had no empathy, no feeling for people they just went on and on about money. That's the only thing they loved. You cannot love God and mammon and you also cannot love people and mammon as well. You will hate the one and despise the other. THe attitude to people in need in the church was appalling. THe attitude to people outside the church was one of superiority and exclusivity. It was just completely wrong. I'm dealing with the results of being the scapegoat in my family of origin and also coming to terms with why people in the church treated other people as though they were no good. THis pride and superiority was very nasty. I hope everyone can read about narcissism, enablers and flying monkeys and scapegoats and overcome the legacy they received from their family of origin. "To him who overcomes etc." God doesn't want us to feel defeated and inferior and be suppressed by prideful people. So lets examine what went on and think about where we're at and become strong. We're not to be permanently in a state of abject misery and self disgust. If we have repented of whatever we needed to and been baptised and received God's spirit then we can go with confidence to God the father and Jesus Christ. We don't need to take on board the prideful condemnation that we have received from Herb and his minions. God wants us to have peace of mind and to live with confidence in Him and not be suppressed into depressed passivity by overbearing ministers.

nck said...

I think I agree with Angela for perhaps 100 percent.

Perhaps it was not only about the money.

"The Church" was defined as a "leadership course" for the Kingdom.
It falls exactly in line with many leaders in the secular world in the same timeline. The capitalist system breeds narcissistic leaders since its premise is competition.

In todays (networking) business and culture, high technology, I see promising signs of todays young managers living by different values, like technology driven information sharing and transparancy.

I have no reason to believe that the ACOG's are able to transform and modernize their "leadership" church model. Especially not as long as the former generation is around trained in their limited understanding of leadership principles.

However over the ages we have seen business people turn religious and implementing the learned lessons in practicality in their new found religion. Although their seems to be no "line of succession" , the COG claimed a line with those people (wealthy merchants, industrialists like Peter Waldo) sharing a similar philosophy combining business practicality and religion.

So if there is any future for religion it will be more in tune with modern technological developments and the experience of modern man with that lifestyle.

Why do we need a "father child" relationship with some invisible being anyway?? The one point I beg to differ and detect some deficiency in the "real world" father child relationship.

nck



nck said...

To summarize my point and I have said this many times before.

HWA is also scapegoated for the already existing dysfunctional "father - child" relationships as a product of a dysfunctional interpretation of societal norms or other problems that seems to have sifted out those persons for membership in a "cog" structure, providing a replacement for that dysfunctional relationship.

Perhaps we should just do away with it and produce children through glass tubes mixing of DNA if we are propagating a "father child relationship" with an invisible "being" after all.

nck