Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Dennis on "Whatta Ya Mean... Yes YOU Know?" 2013 AD Job Update

"Whatta Ya Mean... Yes YOU Know?"

2013 AD  Job Update

Job 38

New International Version (NIV)

The Lord Speaks

38 Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm and said:

2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

Yes sir, It's me Dennis. Not meaning to offend sir.  Ok, I will give my best answers sir.

4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.

I wasn't here yet sir. That was a very long time ago as you well know.

5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?

With all due respect sir:

6 On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone

Well sir, it has taken some time but I think we got this figured out now.

7 while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels shouted for joy

Well sir, I can't speak for that part. I wasn't there and I can't see or hear them.

I do know that Venus is the real son of the morning star and when it falls back to...oh never mind.

8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
    when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
    and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
    and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
    here is where your proud waves halt’?

Yes sir, I know what you mean.  It is awesome.  I believe we do understand that now and the burst from the womb concept as well.  Amazing really sir!

12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
    or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
    and shake the wicked out of it ?

No sir, I have never commanded the sun to rise. It would not do it if I did. But I believe it would do it even if I didn't, with all due respect.  As for shaking the wicked out of it, well that's not my think or job I suppose.

14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
    its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
    and their upraised arm is broken.

Yes sir, I don't quite know what you mean by this but could you ask me more questions?

16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?

Oh Yes sir we have!  It is just awesome and not a little bit scary but we got this one down pat.

17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
    Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
    Tell me, if you know all this.

Well, again sir, with all due respect, Yes, it has all been shown to us. Amazing place we have here!

19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
    And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
    Do you know the paths to their dwellings?

Yes sir, I believe so sir.

21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
    You have lived so many years!

Ok Sir, I think you can stop with the sarcasm. I know my place in the whole scheme of your things.

22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
    or seen the storehouses of the hail
23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
    for days of war and battle?

Well, I don't know about the reserve for times of trouble or war and battles, but yes, I know where both snow and hail are stored and come from.

24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
    or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,?
    and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 To water a land where no one lives,
    an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
    and make it sprout with grass?
28 Does the rain have a father?
    Who fathers the drops of dew?

Well sir, again, yes, we understand that now low these 2500 years later or more, depending.

Sir?  Are you getting annoyed with me?

29 From whose womb comes the ice?
    Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30 when the waters become hard as stone,
    when the surface of the deep is frozen?

Oh oh!  I know that one!

31 “Can you bind the chains] of the Pleiades?
    Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
    or lead out the Bear] with its cubs?

Well no sir, I can't do that. It's just too big and too far away and I am just a man. But we do know what they are and how seasons work!  It's awesome to say the least!

33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?

No sir, not in the way others do but we do understand a lot more than we used to.

    Can you set up God’s dominion over the earth?

34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds
    and cover yourself with a flood of water?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
    Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?

No Sir, I can't command these things to happen, they just do happen and I know how they happen and why.  Sir, you're getting cheeky with me again.

36 Who gives the ibis wisdom?
    or gives the rooster understanding?
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
    Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
    and the clods of earth stick together?

Yes sir, I understand. Not me for sure but we do know where they get their instincts

39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
    and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
    when its young cry out to God
    and wander about for lack of food?

Well sir, I guess they just know what other creatures they like to eat and go get them. 
No, I don't hunt for them or provide their food.  
 I have a Shih Tzu though and yes I do provide her food.   
She's hilarious.

Sir?  Sir?  Are you still there?  Where did you go?

I'll be back later Dennis.  I gotta think this through a bit. Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions for this day and age.  Stay tuned.

But you did good!  I like you!


Anonymous said...

Just for kicks I asked my 2nd grader tonight how hail was made. He knew the answer.

Then I asked him how rain was made. He knew that too! Smart little bugger.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I now see you are an atheist Dennis. Please someone, rename the Blog's header to something like "God is a myth" to avoid confusion.

DennisCDiehl said...

Anonymous said...
Oh, I now see you are an atheist Dennis. Please someone, rename the Blog's header to something like "God is a myth" to avoid confusion."

a. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.


b. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
2. One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

Looking at the things that are made is not proof to me as we know much much more in our times how things are made and how they work including cosmology and evolution.

I believe humans , physically , are the end and ongoing result of evolution from hominid ancestors and one branch on a very fascinating bush.

The Hebrew God as presented is too cultic , violent and petty to be a real God and reflects the ideas of it's times in the 800 BCE to about 150 AD. We have learned much since then.

Anonymous said...

You confuse writings of scribes and priests as equivalent to there being a God . I know most can't fathom that the Bible is the product of humans endeavoring to explain life and God to themselves and not hand written by God as if a letter in the mail with no mistakes, misconceptions or incomplete information, but it is not such a perfect and complete docuement

Head Usher said...

"The Hebrew God as presented is too cultic, violent and petty to be a real God and reflects the ideas of its times in the 800 BCE to about 150 AD. We have learned much since then."

I wholeheartedly agree. The deity that supposedly led the israelites on a 40-year long wild-goosechase through the desert could not possibly been the "creator of mankind." He behaves like a 3-year-old, throwing temper tantrums, has no idea how to get what he wants out of people, and when he doesn't, he kills, often randomly. Satan behaves as though he has waaaay more insight into how the human psyche is put together. I wonder why that is?

Anonymous said...

not so sure about those Shih Tzus Dennis. I always get the impression they are stupid and have always had bigger dogs. My last dog was my master for 13 years -- no joking, he controlled me. I even had to take him on dog friendly holidays because no one else would look after him and he told me NOT to put him in one of those places where you pay to have your dog looked after. He was a holy terror when young and I was hopeful he would growup by doggy middle age - say 6, but no he just took up a few unpleasant hobbies like killing cats. Then in his old age he started going senile.... My theory is that if dogs had our lifespan they would get smarter than us. Maybe there is a lot to be said for small fluffy brainless beasts.

Anonymous said...

"The Hebrew God as presented is too cultic , violent and petty to be a real God and reflects the ideas of it's times in the 800 BCE to about 150 AD."

And the schizo Christian "3-in-one" god-concept is quite nutty, too, with the fact that trying to reconcile their separate personalities is like mixing oil and water and vinegar.

You can go to your megachurch, with "salad dressing in hand", be smitten by the "Holy Spirit" and flail around on the floor and shake up yourself and your salad dressing, but...
Next day, your salad dressing will once again be separated into the parts that don't mix when you wake up.